Jen's Journeys

A new day... A new month... A new year!

2012-01-07T22:19:00.000-06:00

It's been awhile I know! Life has been crazy and so much has changed! I have not had Internet at home in over a month and want to take advantage of this time at ROOTS to update my blog and hopefully get back on track with it. I still don't have Internet and wont until January 18th sometime between 8am-12pm. One of the biggest updates that many of you already know is that I have moved! ( I will be putting some pictures up at the end of this blog). I moved in over Christmas weekend and quickly got settled. I was so excited the day the package came from AT&T with my UVerse Internet equipment. I chose to do self set-up and save the $100 but after searching for a good 30 minutes I realized that my new home did not have a phone jack anywhere in the house! So now they have to come out and install and jack and so a real install. Luckily my landlord is paying the charges!

Let me rewind a little bit! November was an eventful month for me! I was in a wedding on 11-11-11, my apartment got broken into while I was sleeping (hence why I moved!), and I made a last minute road trip to Minnesota for Thanksgiving! I was planning on spending some time with my dear friends the Schallers the weekend before Thanksgiving and at the last minute decided to take the week off and drive up to Minnesota. It was a great trip! I got to see so many people that I love and it was good to be surrounded by people who know and love me!

December flew by! At Thanksgiving I knew I only had a little over a month till I had to be out of my apartment and had no idea where I was moving to. I spent a couple of days just driving around looking for rent houses. One Sunday I was driving around for about 3 hours getting discouraged. The sun had set and I still had no good leads! I just prayed that God would bring me to the perfect place. I called a friend and we decided to go eat. As we were driving to Uncle Julios I saw a FOR RENT sign in front of the cutest little house. I pulled over and wrote down the number. I called the next day and long story short I moved in on December 22! I love the house, it's a little 2 bedroom one bath built in the 1940's but updated inside. It has a big fenced in back yard for Daisy to run and play, AND the best part it's 1.1 miles from my office! I out a total of 34 miles on my car all of last week! I go home for lunch pretty much every day and just love being that close. It was exactly what I was looking for!

That's really all the updates. I've been extremely busy at work. I have been short staffed for the last two months and I had to (unfortunately) let someone go right before Christmas. I have been covering the holes and therefore have been very busy. I had two new staff start last week so we should bee good soon! But that's been my life lately... working a lot and trying to spend time with people I love. I will try to be better at my Thankful for TODAY postings.... even if I have to do them at work!

Here are some pics of my house! Hope you like it!

The Front of my house!

My bed

My bedroom!

My new IKEA Dresser (All my bedroom furniture is new from IKEA)

Guest Bedroom!

Guest bed! You should come visit!

Bathroom

Dining room (from the living room)

My WORDS nook

Living room

Thankful for TODAY 10.23.11

2011-10-23T20:42:00.002-05:00

*These will actually be the thankful for... the weekend!*

1) Camping! This weekend I traveled up to Beaver's Bend State Park in Oklahoma with some dear friends. We got into the park about 11:30 Friday night and set up camp. I just love being out in the midst of creation. I laid on my back that night after we said good night and I just stared at the stars through the top of the tent. I laid there praying for the rest of the weekend!

2) God's beauty! I was amazing over and over again on Saturday of God's beauty in His creation! I woke up early and went on a walk with Theresa along the riverbed. There was steam coming off of the water and the view was amazing! Later that day two of us went for a hike, we took our time and stopped at a few places to rest and enjoy the scene. We finally stopped and laid on a rock overlooking the river. We sat there for awhile, talking about what God was doing in our lives and enjoying the beauty!

3) Cabin's in Beaver's Bend! One of the friends I was with had family in the same area. They had rented a cabin so we went and ate supper with them Saturday night. It was so fun to meet this family! I love meeting the families of my friends and being able to learn more about that friend. It was fun to go there and ended up being such a blessing because of....

4) Thunder storms! I love, love, love thunderstorms! They are such a picture of who God is in my eyes. They are so powerful and yet somehow calming. We got news that a storm was about to come in and so my friend's sister graciously offered for us to stay at the cabin. We went back and tore down camp and go back just as it started to rain. We all put our sleeping bags out on the back patio and watched the storm for the next few hours. It was the most amazing lighting storm and then the thunder rolled in and the skies opened and rain just poured down! We all slept out there on that patio as the storm brewed around us. It was such an AMAZING night!

So again.... SO THANKFUL for the cabin and for my friend's sister who let us stay! I don't think the tent would have survived!

5) Family meals! This morning I got up and made everyone breakfast. I made french toast, bacon and eggs. I love being able to cook for large groups of people and to be able to all sit down and eat together!

6) AMAZING, AMAZING, AMAZING friends! It was so good to get away this weekend and spend time with good friends! It was nice to be able to speak truth to one another and just have fun!

I am thankful for another great weekend! Here is a picture of us before the rain started!

Thankful for TODAY 10.16.11

2011-10-16T20:54:00.003-05:00

What an AMAZING weekend! I have been able to spend the last two days with some people I absolutely love and adore. I sat with one of those friends this evening and we laughed and cried as we talked about what God has done and continues to do in our lives. We laughed at the fact that it is next to a miracle that we are still friends. We have done things to one another in the journey of our friendship that has wounded the other to the depths of our beings. And yet tonight I sat with her and we thanked God for the redemption that He has done in our lives separately and in our friendships. We spoke this evening about how so often we are walking through life experiencing the same peaks and valleys and how God draws us near to one another in those times.

Earlier today I stood around a kitchen island with three of my dear friends. We talked about how when the four of us come together God moves! We stood around that island, tears streaming down our cheeks because we are each struggling in our own way and yet God spoke to each of us individually and allowed us to walk though those things together. We talked about how God was moving and how we have to choose to walk in that movement. I love that these women KNOW me, they know my struggles and they know my heart and I know these things of them. I love how God has called us to walk through life together!

This morning I sat on the bed, eyes closed, head bowed and crying out to the Lord with these same friends. We had gotten less then 4 hours of sleep and were so tired, and yet it was so refreshing to sit at the feet of the Lord with these women petitioning for truth to surround our lives on this day and the days to come. We sat there in our brokenness believing that God is our healer and redeemer. We sat there and rejoiced about what God has done in our lives!

Last night myself and 6 dear friends attended a banquet for a ministry that has dramatically changed the lives of two of those friends. It was amazing to hear story after story of how God was redeeming people for His glory. It was so sweet for my heart to be surrounded by people at that table who love the Lord and out of that love, love me well. It was amazing to be in a room filled with 450 people, most of whom knew the depths of struggle and who were broken at the feet of Jesus. It was sweet to feel the love in that room! We ended our night at an amazing venue in Dallas The Library Bar. There is an amazing woman who sings there and it was such an fun place (Dallas got a few more cool points in my book!) It was so good to just be with these sweet friends of mine. To laugh and to enjoy each others company! It was such a good night!

I am SO thankful for these 3 women in my life. Two of them currently live in Oklahoma and tears were shed as I said good-bye to them today. I love how God works in our lives and it was SO encouraging to spend time with these sweet women I call my sisters! So today I am thankful for these women and the true and authentic friendships I have with each of them!

Thankful for TODAY 10.11.11

2011-10-11T22:32:00.002-05:00

1) Sweaters, I checked the weather this morning as I was getting ready and it said it was 59 degrees outside. I figured I would wear a sweater to work. Well by 10:30 it was mid 80's and I was hot! I was very glad for the fact that my office is always cold! I am more and more excited for sweater weather!

2) Pintrest! I love it more and more. I found a great idea for a gift for a friend of mine. I will post pictures after this weekend when I give it to her. But I love how it inspires creativity in me!

3) My job, I have been reminded lately how blessed I am in my job. I have really enjoyed this transition into being a supervisor and really enjoy it. I love how my gifts and talents are being used in this position. I have had some long days already this week but it's been good. I am having an open house tomorrow and have had a lot of things to do to prepare. But I think it will be good!

4) Hot Apple Cider K-Cups! Remember how I said my office is always cold... well these new K-cups offer a great way to warm me up! I keep them hidden in my desk drawer and it's such a good treat for me!

5) What Women Fear by Angie Smith and AMAZING book!

Thankful for TODAY 10.4.11

2011-10-04T21:31:00.004-05:00

I think more than anything in the past couple of days I have really been reminded to truly be thankful for everyday. The reality that we are not promised tomorrow has become very real to me. These last few days have been hard, but in the midst of the hardness I have seen glimpses of how great God is. I know that God is sovereign and I praise Him for knowing those things I do not understand. I will continue to be aware of those sweet gifts in my life I am thankful for...

1) A job that I love. I am so blessed to have a job that I love. I have transitioned into my new position and have enjoyed being a supervisor. I hope that I am able to encourage and challenge my staff to be the best they can be. I really enjoy being able to guide my staff and be able to assist them as they help people in crisis.

2) Bubble Bath! After a long day, there is nothing better to me than taking a hot bubble bath to relax

3) Restored friendships. This week I have been very blessed by a friendship that I once thought would never be restored. It's amazing how God can heal hearts. I praise God for grace and forgiveness!

4) Colder weather! I am so excited for fall!

5) TOMS. I sprained my ankle a month ago and it is still not healed completely. It hurts daily and I am not able to do much on it. I attempted to wear heels last week and made it all the way to my car before having to change shoes. I have been wearing my TOMS and am totally in love with them. I think I may another pair (or two or three!)

Thankful for TODAY 10.2.11

2011-10-02T22:26:00.000-05:00

1) This week has been a a roller coaster of a week for my emotions! But in the midst of it I have realized how thankful I am that I have a Savior that calls me His daughter! I am so thankful that in the midst of hard times I have a comforter.

2) For the sweet memories I have with my dear friend April who went home to be with the LORD Friday morning. She was such an encouragement in my life and I will forever hold the truth that she has spoken into my life dear to my heart.

3) Theresa Butler Mellard! I was able to go and spend the weekend with this dear friend. She opened her home to me and I was able to take refuge there! It was so good to be with people I love. We spent hours talking about what God is doing and how He is at work. We talked about how we are struggling and hard life is. In that hardness I am so thankful that I have friends such as Theresa whom I can walk through life with. I love how God continues to bring people in my life who love me well!

4) The reminder that I truly need to be thankful for today and love those people around me well!

Thankful for TODAY 9.29.11

2011-09-30T00:44:00.004-05:00

1) For technology! I had a pretty amazing experience on Sunday where God really spoke through a pastor at a church I was visiting. While in Oklahoma visiting some friends I visited Antioch Norman. The worship was amazing (as in bring me to my knees amazing) and the visiting pastor called my name out of the pulpit and had a word from God for me. It was such a sweet and emotional service! I heard what God needed me to hear that morning. I love technology in that today I have gone back and listened to what the God had to say to me again and again. If you want to listen go here, he mentions me by name at about 13:15

2) For the love of arts and crafts! I spent some time at Hobby Lobby today getting fun stuff for some gifts for a bridal shower we are throwing for my dear friend Sarah. I'm so excited about what we are making. I will post pictures after October 15th. I love being able to be crafty and create something beautiflu!

3) I know I have said it before but I L-O-V-E when I can find cute shoes in my size! Here are my newest find! I saw these at ROSS, they did not have a pricetag or the price written on the bottom. I was worried they would be too much because they are Fossil. The lady told me they would be $26... I told her SOLD! I was at another ROSS later (I often frequent multiple when I'm looking for something!) and saw the same boots with a pricetag $49.99! I goggled them when I got home $149! I got a DEAL!

4) My bed! I have been sick the last few days and have spent much time in bed! I am thankful for a comfy bed with comfy covers and a dog who likes to cuddle with me! It helps to make feeling miserable a little bit better!

5) Good conservations with old friends. I have had a few good conservations with an old friend in the past week. You know someone is a good friend when they can tell you the things you don't want to hear because they know you need to hear it. I love what God is doing in my life and am amazed at how He is working in the lives of those around me. I am seeing prayers answered in my life and the lives of those I have been praying for! I love watching Him at work!

Thankful for friends!

2011-09-26T22:05:00.000-05:00

I got on today to write my Thankful for TODAY but really am just so overwhelmed with my thankfulness I have for my amazing friends. The last few days and weeks have been blessed with sweet friends. I was laying here thinking about all the amazing people that the Lord has brought into my life and know that those people are there for a reason. So today I am thankful for friends. I'm thankful for friends who live far away and yet still love me. My heart flutters a bit when I hear Sweet Home Alabama come out of my phone because I know it is a dear friend from Minnesota! I am thankful for the random calls (and sorry to all those I have not returned calls to... it's been a rough few weeks!). I am thankful for being able to spend time over a meal catching up with friends whom I haven't seen in a few weeks! I love being able to laugh and joke about life and talk about what God is doing. I'm thankful for friends who help me to seek the Lord! I am thankful for friends I have known my entire life and who I can pick right back up with after not seeing each other for months (but will see this weekend)! I am thankful for restored friendships! I am thankful for the friend who spoke hard truth into my life last week when I really didn't want to hear it! I am thankful for girls who I can be real with, fallen on my knees crying out and who choose to walk through it with me. I am thankful for the friends who tell me (and show me) that I am worthy! I am thankful for friends who speak my love language to me. I am thankful for the friends who open their arms to me. I am thankful for the friends who pursue my heart. I am thankful for the friends who pray for me! I am just thankful to be able to call so many amazing people my friends! Thank you so much for living life with me and loving me well!

One of the above mentioned amazing friends sent me a text today that was so sweet to my heart! This is one of the many reasons why I am thankful for her friendship...

"Jen sought the Lord, and He answered her and delivered her from all her fears. She looked at Him and she was radiant, and her face shall never be ashamed. Jen cried and the Lord heard her and saved her out of her troubles. The angel of the Lord goes with her, encamps her as she respects the Heavenly Father! ~Psalm 34-4-7; adapted a bit ;-)"

45 days later....

2011-09-14T21:18:00.006-05:00

Well it's been awhile, 45 days infact since I last wrote. Life has been CRAZY! But in the midst of that has been really good. I'll give y'all some of the highs and lows of the last 45 days...
HIGH: August 5th was my first day "offically" in my new position at work. I even have a name plate outside my door Jennifer Smith, LMSW MCOT Team Leader It's been a good transition. I have been learning more and more about what type of supervisor I desire to be (and not to be). I've really enjoyed having a team and running the program! LOW: Within my first two weeks I had to fire someone, welcome to the world of being a supervisor!

HIGH: I was able to spend a long weekend in Minnesota with my best friend Emily and her family. I was able to meet my sweet little Olivia and just had a great relaxing time with people so dear to my heart! We spent time at the house playing, went on a boat ride down the Mississippi and went to a Twins game! LOW: I sprained my ankle the day before I left for Minnesota. I had to keep my foot wrapped and was on pain meds the entire time I was in Minnesota.

HIGH: The book THE HELP, I spent a good amount of time on my trip to Minnesota reading and read the book THE HELP. It was such a good book. I have always enjoyed reading and sadly have not had much time over the past few years to read for fun. This was a great book! I highly recommend it! LOW: The fact that you just cannot put all the information of a book into a movie. The day I finished the book I went and saw the movie THE HELP. It was a good movie but there was so much good stuff left out!

HIGH: The changing of seasons! It is official... 2011 has been the hottest summer in the history of Texas! We have had 70 days that have reached over 100 degrees! I am so glad for cooler weather and long for fall to get here! We have gotten glimpses of temps under 100 and I'm so excited for more! LOW: With the changes in the weather and it being SO dry out, my allergies have kicked in high gear. My eyes are watery and itchy and my throat has gone from scratchy to almost unbearable! I have not been able to swallow with any amount of comfort for 4 days now!

HIGH: It's Football Season!!!! LOW: I can't think of a low about it being Football season! :-)

So anyhow that is about it! Not to much has gone on because I've been so busy at work. Things are finally settling down and I am finding that I have more time which is great. I have time to do fun things like read, take Daisy to the dog park and maybe even go on a date! Hopefully you will hear from me again before another 45 days goes by...

Thankful for TODAY 8.2.11

2011-08-02T23:11:00.002-05:00

1) Cheap American Airlines tickets!

2) I get to go "HOME" in 31 days!

3) I get to see my best friend and her husband in 31 days!

4) I get to meet my sweet little Olivia in 31 days!

5) In 31 days I get to leave town and just relax for a few days with people I love!

Oh right this is suppose to be a blog about living in the here and now and what I am thankful for today....

I am just so excited to go to Minnesota in 31 short days. I haven't been home in over a year and half and my soul longs for good ol' Minnesota time. While today was a good day and there are many things to be thankful for, I will write about those another day because today my heart is overflowing with joy about going home! Being in Minnesota typically brings me such peace and rest and I'm excited to have that after these last few months. I am still praying that by that time I will be about two weeks into a new job (speaking of which, I got a call today that puts me one step closer to that!!) and I will be in need of a break. So today I am thankful for my roots! I am thankful to call myself a Minnesotan and while I may never physically live in that state again a piece of my heart will always reside there!

Lazy weekend...

2011-07-31T21:52:00.001-05:00

I have had such a lazy weekend and it has been great! It has been 7 days since I've worked (I was sick Tuesday & Wednesday and I had already planned on taking Thursday and Friday off), I spent the majority of those days in bed or just not really feeling well. On Thursday my friend Melissa and her husband Ben stopped off in Fort Worth on their cross country move. Thursday we went to the Twins game and sadly the Rangers won. On Friday we had a lazy morning reading and drank warm drinks and then headed out to lunch. As they left I headed back to the bed to continue to rest! Then I packed up and got ready for Girl-a-palooza. Kati, Erin & I headed out the lake where we spent the day floating on our rafts, eating Mexican food, watching the fireworks and just talking girl talk. We headed back to Kati's from there and watched the all time chick flick... Dirty Dancing! It was such a good day!

On my way home on Saturday I stopped off at Half-Priced Books and picked up two new reads. I spent the afternoon reading until a friend called and took me to supper. After a great supper I came back and picked up the book. I was reading gods in Alabama It was one of those I CAN'T PUT IT DOWN type of books and it was 1:57am when I turned the last page! This morning I got a text from a friend asking to meet for breakfast which was great. The rest of the day was spent in bed reading Between, Georgia, napping and just being lazy. It's been a great weekend. I'm excited to get back to work tomorrow and see what the week holds.

I know that through this blog I try to remind myself to live in the here and now, but there are some things about the future that I have been praying a lot about lately.... The possibility of a job that allows me to have the months of June, July and August off, and really what this next year and years to come are going to look like as many of the people I love are moving away and life is changing. I am also looking for and planning trips to see some of the people I love and miss the most (namely Em and Les). I'm excited about what God is going to do in the months/years to come, but to be totally honest I'm kinda scared about all that I don't know...

Thankful for TODAY 7.26.11

2011-07-26T23:39:00.006-05:00

1) Emily Waterston Heinis! Today she joined us in the 30's club. It's been a fun club to be a part of so far. Emily and I have been friends for 25 years! We played softball together as little kids. We have lots of fun memories of times spent by the lake and our crazy antics as 10 year old girls. Over there years we have stayed close friends and she has become more of a sister to me. This year she had a cute little baby girl who will one day call me Aunt Jen. I am so thankful for this sweet friendship! I love you Em!

2) Having the ability to stay home from work and still get paid. I woke up this morning and it felt as though I had been hit by a MAC truck, granted I have never really been hit by a MAC truck, but I am guessing that it would feel much like how I was feeling this morning. My whole body just was achy and I had a pretty high fever. It felt as though I was going to fall apart, every movement I made cause me great pain... So I stayed home, stayed in bed most of the day and will hopefully wake up renewed tomorrow (I find this unlikely to happen since it's 11:12 pm and I still feel like poo)

3) Orange Juice. When I was growing up my dad did not believe in taking medicine and therefore my brother and I never took any medicine. I mean we got our shots as needed but when we got a cold or the flu he would not give us medicine, instead he would buy us some orange juice and tell us that would make us feel better. It always seemed to work... so this morning what did I do? I went and bought some Orange Juice! And in the moment it really did make me feel better! I have come to really appreciate how much vitamin C (and other vitamins) can make me feel so much better. So today I am thankful for orange juice, even though I am not totally better, I will credit it for helping me get back to being 100%

4) The Internet! Today between my numerous naps I had to fill the time somehow. Remember how I said it hurt to move, well I tried to do as little as possible of that. The Internet allowed me to continue to lay in bed, not move very much and still be entertained for hours. I browsed though numerous websites, caught up on everyone lives via Facebook, looked up airfare for (near) future trip and even ordered ~~Rangers~~ Twins tickets for this Thursday night's game (more about that to come!). The Internet has allowed me to stay connected to the world when it hurts too bad

5) Yahweh (Self-Existent One), Elohim (Mighty, Strong, Prominent One), Adonai (Master) and Rishon Va-Acharon (The First and the Last)! I told you that I started a new Bible study Know God by Name, well these were the first 4 names I have learned about. It has been such a good study so far. I love learning more about God and what the Bible says about who He is. It's amazing to look at all the different names He has and how they all mean something. I am so thankful for Kati and Erin who continue to walk through life with me and am thankful that we can jump into this study together. My goal is to never fall behind. There is 7 weeks in the study and each week is broken up into 5 days. My goal is to get all five done within the week and never to have to do more then one session in a day. If I am able to do this, it will be a first....

And breath....

2011-07-23T00:19:00.002-05:00

These last two weeks have been so very busy! I feel as though I have had little to no free time. Today was the first time I got home from work while there was still day light out and it just seems as though time has once again slipped away from me. I spent some time tonight thinking about this time last summer and how crazy busy I was. I was working 40+ hours a week, taking two classes and doing 23 hours a week at my internship... CRAZY! As full as these last couple of weeks have been, it's been a good full, a good crazy. I'm filling my time with things I enjoy and people I love. I have worked almost a 100 hours in the last two weeks but I've also been able to so things that were fun (and some things that needed to be done) here is a recap of the last few weeks and a few of the highlights (and lowlights)....

* Spent time with sweet friends as we watched our beautiful friend Sarah try on wedding dresses for her big day on 11/11/11 followed by a day spent with those same sweet friends trying on bridesmaid dresses. Both dresses were found and purchased... you'll have to wait 3 1/2 months to see pictures though!
*I over 9 hours in the car with Sarah in one day as we made a day trip to Oklahoma to scout out potential wedding venues (which we were successful in finding!)
* I have spent some time at the pool with a new friend and her daughter. I love new friends! It's always fun to see who God brings into my life!
* Cried over not getting the job that I was so hopeful for
* Rejoiced when another position opened and I applied for it! Praying this is the reason the other ones did not work out.
* Did my laundry and realized that I have the same shirt in 16 different colors! It's the boyfriend pocket V-neck Tee from Target and I L-O-V-E them! Side note: I made a trip to target this evening to get some necessities (toilet paper if you must know) and saw that the new colors of the shirt are out. There is a mustard yellow color that I loved. I restrained, but I have a good feeling that I may soon have 17 (or 18 or 19) of the same shirt in different colors in the near future!
* I have stayed out way past my bedtime this week. Last night Kati and I went to go see The Howell's (one of the bands that Kati's boyfriend is a member of) play at a bar nearby. We stayed till the end (Again us roadies give up a lot for the band!). Erin ended up joining us and it was such a fun time.
* It has been record highs hot outside lately! One of the many downsides to this fact is that it is so hot to let Daisy play outside for long. She has been HYPER lately. I took her outside tonight after dark and she ran and ran and ran! I love summer but I am looking forward to Fall and cooler weather!
* Because I have been working crazy hours I don't get home in time to watch the all important TV shows. I canceled my cable about 3 months ago because I rarely watched it and I figured I would save money BUT I forgot that So You Think You Can Dance comes on in the summer. Well FOX has joined the bandwagon and started showing there shows online. I love it, I can now catch up on SYTYCD and not miss the amazing routines!
* Many of my other hours have been spent browsing on my new favorite website www.Pinterest.com I have and will continue to spend hours on this site finding new things!
*Tonight I started a new Bible study. I think I'm gonna like it... I can tell you more about it later....

So that's about it.... my life over the last couple of weeks.

Thankful for TODAY 7.9.11

2011-07-09T23:13:00.000-05:00

1) Being able to spend the last two days with the beautiful bride-to-be Sarah! We shopped till we dropped and had a great time along the way. Sarah purchased her wedding dress and we got our bridesmaid dresses! It was a very productive and successful couple of days. But above that it was so sweet to just spend time with Sarah and the other maidens!

2) My Iphone! I do believe I (along with all my friends) would be lost without my Iphone. Those who know me, know that I am a researcher (I think it's the social worker in me), I can usually find out information about whatever you are looking for. Over the past couple of days I think we would have been lost without my Iphone and the power that it holds :-) But in all honesty I don't know how I functioned before the Iphone. I know I did just fine, but I can't imagine my life without it now.

3) Bath and Body Works Aroma therapy Stress relief line. Yesterday after a long day of shopping I took a hot bath infused with stress relief bath salts. It was so nice!

4) What has now become my Saturday night tradition of going to Roots. I love being able to lounge in one of the brown leather chairs and read, journal or just sit and people watch. I love that the barista (whom I secretly want to be BFF with) knows what I want even before I begin to order. I love seeing so many different people form different walks of life come and go and I love (usually) listening to the live music they have on Saturday nights. I really look forward to my time at Roots on Saturday nights!

5) My journal.... I really don't know what my life would be like if I couldn't journal. This is such a sweet thing for me. I can sit down armed with my journal and a pen and it's as though the world stops to allow me to write down bits and pieces of my life. I love how my pen takes control and sometimes I didn't even know that I was feeling a certain way until my pen scrolls it across the paper. I love how freeing and healing journaling can be for me. And I love having a record to go back and see where I was at, where I am, what I have learned and what I continue to stumble and struggle with. My closet is lined with these spiral bound books that spell out the life and stories of Jen's Journeys....

Thankful for TODAY 7.7.11

2011-07-07T21:52:00.000-05:00

1) My job. Today I was thinking back on Fall two years ago when I was unemployed and didn't know what I was going to do. I have been at my job for almost 18 months now and I know that for this season it is where I was suppose to be. I really do enjoy what I do and when it is my time to go (which an insider tip told me may be sooner than later!!!!!!) I will be very sad. I am so thankful that I continue to find favor wherever the Lord places me.

2) Mexican food! Today for lunch we went to Uncle Julio's and it was so good! SIDE NOTE: I'm finding that I am often thankful for food on here! What can I say?!?! Sometimes the meals are the most important part of my day!

3) Pandora Radio. This has become my new favorite thing in the world. Now that I have my own office, it can get so quiet! I have become a big fan of pandora radio. Last month I ran out of my free listening hours and had to pay but it was so worth it. I thought the options they give are very fun though. They say you can listen to 40 hours of music a month and after those 40 hours you can pay $1 to listen unlimited amounts of music for the rest of that month OR you can pay $36 and listen to unlimited music all the time for a year. You do the math... I think I'll just pay the extra $1 each month I need more listening time!

4) Kate's Summer Mix! My friend Kati, who now wants me to call her Kate (It's like in 4th grade when I started making everyone calling me Jen-I!) made me a mixed CD for the summer. It has truly brought me joy whenever I am listening to it. It has become the soundtrack of Summer 2011

5) Being able to have time in the mornings to just sit (or lay in most cases) and just be still. I love that with my job I don't typically need to rush to get to work at a certain time (because I will no doubt stay much past 5:00 as evidenced last night when when I rolled into my apt at 10:30). I love that I can just be still in the mornings, I can pray, I can journal, I can drink a cup of Chai made with my Keurig (which I am LOVING), and I can just not be rushed. It was been such a sweet blessing to start my days like this!

Thankful for TODAY 7.2.11

2011-07-02T23:26:00.005-05:00

1) Being able to sleep in! I woke up at 7:30 this morning and took Daisy out and then jumped back into bed and didn't get out of bed till 11:47 when I put on my swimsuit and headed to the pool... Oh how I love Saturdays!

2) Floaties! Kati and I spent hours laying on our floaties in the pool soaking in the sun today. I love the pool but it is so HOT that I can only lay out for about 2.5 minutes before I need to get into the water! With my floatie I am constantly in the water, but slightly above the water also! It is the most amazing thing! You can lay out and never get too hot because you are in the water! It was great!

3) A good hat! Sometimes the hair is out of control and I just don't want to deal with it and need a good cover up... today I found a great one while out shopping!

4) Cute shoes in a size 5! Ok I think it is physically impossible for me to not buy a cute pair of shoes if they come in a size five. I saw these ones today and they caught my eye cause they were so small I was hoping to see the sweet # 5 on the bottom... and I did! I slipped them onto my feet and they fit amazingly! I stood there debating with myself if I really needed them and if I could afford them. I decided to put them down and walk away fast. I didn't get very far though... it was as though there was some magical force that was pulling me back to that store. I decided I would eat bread and water for the next week and purchased the shoes! Aren't they cute?!?!

5) The sweet (and yet totally crazy at times) story that the Lord has given me. I spent a large part of the day with my friend Kati. We spent hours on our floaties and then met up at Roots (It's becoming my Saturday night tradition!). Throughout the day I found myself telling Kati stories about my life that she did not know... That I dated Al Capone's great nephew, that I was poisoned in college, that size 5 shoes have a special power over me and so much more. I was reminded today of how much God has done in my life and how many crazy stories I have. I truly think I should write a book. I love how God continues to write my story!

The life of a roadie....

2011-07-02T00:26:00.003-05:00

I am bypassing my Thankful for Today because the majority of the things on the list today happened all within the same context. So instead I am going to give you a glimpse into the life of a roadie!

My dear friend Kati has a boyfriend.... and her boyfriend plays in a band (well really multiple bands, but that's beside the point!) In the last three days I have seen him play twice! Apparently that makes me a roadie! It has been super fun, but tonight was just simply a great night.

Kati and I trekked over to Dallas this evening and met up with The Band at Lockharts (an amazing BBQ joint I might add!). We found the prime table and took our seats waiting for the show to start. Behind us we hear "Are you wearing a Yankee shirt?" (a older man had just walked in wearing jeans, a Yankees t-shirt and suspenders) "What are you wearing? Can you believe what he is wearing" and then in a softer tone..."Are ya'll with the band?" and we turned around (first mistake...) we answered "Yes we are!" (engaging in conservation, mistake #2...), We have now instantly made a new "friend" for the night with the women behind us. We find out that she is from Fort Worth and at this point I am positive she is a client at where I work...She wants to know if the band is any good... Which the answer to that is Yes! She then disappears for a bit and the bartender comes over to drop off two CANS of Lonestar beer. We politely say they must be for another table and the bartender says no the lady behind you bought them for you. Neither of us really drink beer so we tell them no thanks!

Well anyhow the show was amazing! Our friend continued to heckle the band and making song requests that they did not know and got upset when they wouldn't play the Winnie the Pooh song. While Kati and I stood in line to order our food (did I mention the food was amazing?!?) she said that it was great that we were roadies for the band but it must be hard because as roadies we must really sacrifice lot for the band!

The night all in all was great! Great friends (Theresa and Jason joined us which was super great!), great food, great music and great entertainment! I am just thankful for great nights such as this one!

Thankful for TODAY 6.30.11

2011-06-30T23:34:00.003-05:00

1) My new Keurig! I went today to get a Keurig and ended up finding an amazing deal a $199 Keurig for $80 plus I had a 20% off coupon! I am excited about all of the fun coffee and tea drinks I will be able to make! Anyone wanna come over for coffee?!? Or Tea?!? Or Hot Coco?!?

2) A phone call and an email both helping to clear up the unknown a little bit. Sadly the position I applied for that I REALLY wanted was filled, but two more positions opened up! I have realized over the past few years that I don't do well with the unknown! My mind starts to go to all kinds of crazy places thinking about the what-if's and what could be's when I sit in the unknown. I am so thankful for clarification and to know what to expect!

3) Amazing friends who think so much like me! My friend Kati and I think very much a like, it is nice to be able to call her up and explain something and she just gets it! It was great today to be able to call her and processed life with her and for her to totally understand my thought process! I am so very blessed and thankful for amazing friends such as Kati who are in my life!

4) New friends! I love making new friends and tonight was a reminder of that. I have been going to Women in the Word at my church on Thursday night and have loved the other women I sit with weekly. One of them has quickly become a fun friend of mine. We are getting together for lunch this weekend and I am very excited for that!

5) I got to see Bob & Natalie Schaller today! I just wrote about Natalie earlier this week but seriously her and Bob are two of my favorite people in the whole wide world! They were flying out today to spend a month in Nepal doing medical missions. They flew out of DFW so I took a long lunch so I could go hug them and send them off. It was such a sweet time! Those two literally are like a breath of fresh air in my life. We talked about how next summer if I'm not working during the months of June, July and August I could go with them. This thought brought tears to my eyes and excitement to my heart! I LOVED seeing these two, even if it was just while they stood in line to check their baggage!

Thankful for TODAY 6.27.11

2011-06-28T00:32:00.010-05:00

1) Sun-dried Tomato Cream Cheese from Yogi's! This is just about the best cream cheese I have ever had. I bought me some bagels to work today and stopped at Yogi's to get some cream cheese and I think I hit the JACKPOT! I left it at work so I have something to look forward to as I stroll into the office... I will be enjoying my morning bagel each day this week!

2) Getting my very own office at work! I have been promoted twice now in the past 6 months, the first time I got a computer upgrade and therefore a permanent docking station. Today I got my own office. I feel like I'm pretty big news now, I've got my own office and my own key to that said office that has my name engraved on it (I think they did that so I felt like I had to stay forever... I wonder if they will make new keys when I leave or just leave the keys as my legacy at MCOT?!?!) Tomorrow I make the move, it will be nice to have a place to put all my stuff and feel "official"!

3) Those funny-looking silver things you put in your windshield to keep the sun out! I have recently found mine and used them today for the first time. It is crazy how much they help to keep my car cool. Yesterday as I got into my car I burnt myself on my seat belt and could barely touch the steering wheel because it was so hot. I know that these are natural hazards living in Texas, but seriously the person who invented those silver things was a GENIUS!

4) Ceiling fans! Once upon a time I was very afraid of ceiling fans, so much so that I would sleep in the closet when I spent the night at a friend's house if they had a ceiling fan! I had a fear they

were going to fall down and cut me into a million pieces. Now I know that was silly and I will not tell you how old I was when I had those fears (I was old enough that I should not have had that fear!). But now-a-days I find it hard to sleep if there is not a fan on, I am so thankful for a fan in my bedroom and fear the day I have to move to a place where there is no fan in my bedroom! And I long to be back in my room in Thailand where the only cooling factor was the fan.... SIGH....

5) NATALIE SCHALLER and the sweet time I was able to talk with her on the phone. Natalie is one of my very dearest and best friends. We went to undergrad together and eventually were roommates before she got married. Her and her husband are like family to me!

With both of us living such crazy lives right now it is rare that we catch each other on the phone. It was so sweet to catch up with her and just to hear her voice. It always brings such joy to my heart to talk to her. I love how God continues to allow us to walk through life together even though we do not live in the same place! It was so sweet to catch up with her! I love and miss that girl and am

SO THANKFUL for her friendship and sisterhood!

Thankful for TODAY 6.26.11

2011-06-26T22:34:00.018-05:00

1) Yet another amazing annual trip to Sugarland, TX! Kati, Erin, Batey and I loaded

in the car and headed south on Thursday afternoon!

We stopped in Waco to say Hi

to the Bears, got caught in the rain and stuck behind TWO accidents. It took us over 7 hour to get there, but it was a fun car ride!

We had a great supper and worked on pillowcases for the campers at a camp that

Batey works at every year and then we went to bed.

We got up the next morning ready for the beach! We spent the day laying out at Galveston beach. When we left I got a little taste of home when we stopped at Rita's. If you have never been to Rita's, you really should try to find one near you! It's amazing!

They have fresh Italian ice in multiple flavors and also frozen custard. My favorite is the Gelati that has both custard and ice! I got strawberry lemonade and mango ice with vanilla custard!It was such a great ending to our time at the beach. When we got back to Kati's parents house they had ourte meal all ready for us. We ate and then watched a movie (The Proposal, I love me some Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds!) It was truly an amazing weekend! I can't wait to do it all again next year!

2) The beach. I spent many of my growing up years on the beach. In high school once that final bell rang (and to honest... a lot of times before it did) I would jump in my car and head to the beach. I kept a swimsuit and a beach towel in my car and I was ready to go. I have so many good memories from that beach, it was my get-away. I would often go and just listen to the waves crash and think about how big and powerful God is. I was able to do that again this weekend. I laid there on my beach towel and just listened. The waves were crashing, the birds were squawking and people were playing andI just was still. It was such a sweet time!

3) Sweet Tea! Nothing says summer like a good ol' sweet tea!

4) Time spent with friends!

5) A good book! I spent much of my time this weekend reading. I love to read, I always have! I love how the words on a page can take you to a different land and you can dive into the world. I love how a book can allow you to see and experience new things. I just love to read, I am thankful for all the good books that are out there for me to read, and I am thankful to now have time to read for fun again!

Be Still...

2011-06-22T21:55:00.009-05:00

When my good intentions turn into my striving

And Your image is made weak for I am strong

I'm amazed that Your heart keeps on trying

To bring my mind to that of Christ's

Where I belong

As I seek Your face and fall upon Your grace

You say...

Be still my child, and know that I am Holy

Be still my child, and know your heart is in my hands

Be still my child, and gaze into my eyes

Can you tarry awhile for all the tears I have cried

Can you stay awhile and let go of your pride

And will you trust me with your life

Because I died

Be still

Well I've poured my life out upon the alter

And I've said "Not my will but Thine be done"

It's when I try to understand I often falter

And when I take control the battles never won

Defeated I cry

Even still You rush to my side

And say...

Be still my child, and know that I am Holy

Be still my child, and know your heart is in my hands

Be still my child, and gaze into my eyes

Can you tarry awhile for all the tears I have cried

Can you stay awhile and let go of your pride

And will you trust me with your life

Because I died

Be still

And if only you trust in me my child

I will give you PEACE

While I was in Brasil in 2003 I was struggling one day with really wanting to know what God wanted to do in and through me. A teammate brought me a cd and told me to listen to the last track, it was this song entitled Be Still. I remember sitting in a hammock on a beach and this was my view...a tropical paradise. I sat there and enjoyed God's beauty and realized how BIG He truly was... so I just sat there being still with God and knowing that He had great plans for me.

I love this song because it speaks so sweetly to my heart and reminds me of that time. I listen to this song often and it reminds me to be still and just trust. I still have my questions about where God wants me as I don't know what the future holds... and yet He rushes to my side and tells me to just be still!

BE STILL: To be quiet, calm, to leave behind worries and cares of this world, to dwell in the presence of the Most High God while longing to remain there, and to be undisturbed in our souls....

Thankful for TODAY 6.22.11

2011-06-22T21:17:00.002-05:00

1) Having small feet! I realized today that I think I would go broke if I could fit into normal size shoes! It is so rare that I find cute shoes that fit my size 2 feet that when I find them, I buy them. Over the years I have learned to walk in shoes that are slightly too big on me (maybe I haven't totally learned cause I trip a lot!) But I love when I get to wear a special find of mine! Today I wore my red Anne Kline heels to work and got so many compliments on them. I think God knew what he was doing when He gave me small feet.... otherwise I would be broke and would need a whole other show closet!

2) The clearance rack at Target! Today my outfit consisted of a cute white sundress and red cardigan (which matched the Anne Kline shoes perfectly!), both of which were found last night on the 50% clearance rack at Target! You never know what kind of treasure you are going to find on those racks!

3) In less then 24 hours I will be Sugarland, Texas with three amazing girls (and one said girls parents... who are also amazing!). Around noon tomorrow Kati, Erin, Batey and I will load into Erin's car and hit the road for our annual trip to go visit Kati's parents! I am so thankful for these amazing friends and this trip I know is going to be great. We will be hitting up the beach, eating great food and just relaxing for a couple of days before heading back to Fort Worth on Saturday.

4) Hanging with Friends (the Iphone app!) This app along with an amazing component (Theresa) allows me much needed breaks while at work! If you don't know what Hanging with Friends is think old school Hangman only much cooler! If you have it you should invite me to play with you (name is oogajen)

5) Today I am overly thankful that I serve a God who is sovereign! A God who has a bigger and better plan for me then I could ever imagine. I love that I know He knows exactly what is going on in my life when I am clueless! I love that He has everything under control when I don't know how things are going to work out! I love that He knows what my heart needs and when I need it! I love that even in the midst of unknown I can still sit and rest in His sovereignty and know He is good. So as I wait for phone calls about my future, and dream about the perfect job, and as I pray about the desires of my heart I feel the stirring within my soul and hear the sweet voice of the Lord, and I know... He's got this....

Thankful for TODAY 6.19.11

2011-06-19T21:14:00.003-05:00

I'm cheating a little and these are the things I'm thankful from the whole weekend...

1) Being able to celebrate with sweet friends as they get engaged. One of my dearest friends Sarah got engaged on Friday and I was able to join with our other friends to celebrate with her and her fiancee Aaron as they begin this journey to 11-11-11 when they will become one! Pictures will come soon (as I may have forgot my camera in OK at Sarah's house!)

2) The combination of Roots Coffeehouse, Iced Raspberry Chai tea, my journal and Bethany Dillion streaming through my headphones! It was a sweet Saturday night as I spent curled up in a comfy chair and just spent time with the Lord.

3) Days spent at the lake with dear friends. Today was spent at Grapevine Lake with Kati and Erin and it was a great day!

4) Sunscreen! So that I am able to spend days like today at the Lake and not get sunburned and be in pain for the days to come.

5) This blog and my journal... I've spent the evening reading my old posts on here and reading old journal entries. I love being able to see where I was at, where God has brought me and how I have grown over the years. I love being able to look back and see God's hand in my life guiding and directing my steps. It gives me hope for the future because I know that He will be at work and that things will be good even in the midst of hard times!

Thankful for TODAY 6.16.11

2011-06-16T21:19:00.007-05:00

1) Clinque Dramatically Different Moisturizing lotion.... it is pretty dramatic the difference it makes in moisturizing my face! That combined with Clinque Turnaround lotion is like a miracle sent from heaven! Remember the great day at the lake on Sunday? Well my face does and it wanted to remind me this morning with dry flaky, skin. It's like my face wants to peel but not quite. So I lathered on the Clinque products and went on with my day with smooth, glowing skin :-)

2) Being able to take a long lunch to go get my nails done! It seems that every time I enter into a Nail Salon I cannot help but think of the Anjelah Johnson skit about nails (If you have not seen it, watch it! But beware you may never be able to go to a nail salon without laughing again!). I felt like I was in that skit today but I couldn't say "no". I got a mani, pedi AND a design on my toes! All in Elephantastic Pink! The final product (and my teal strapped Ssekos!)

3) Panera! I have not been in so long, but every time I go I remember how much I love it. Today I got it to go and ate it in front of my computer at work (since I spent my lunch hour getting my nails done), my staff kept coming into my office to ask me questions... did I stop eating? No! I could not put down my Italian Combo on an Asiago bagel! Was it rude... maybe? But it was SO good!

4) The frozen yogurt fade. I don't know if they have these everywhere but in Fort Worth this trend has spread like Hot Cross Buns! If you don't know what I am talking about picture this... You walk in to a little store and they have multiple frozen yogurt machines (you know like the ones they had at Sizzler or a similar buffet restaurant when you were a kid) and these machines are filled with delicious flavors such as Cinnamon Graham Cracker, Coconut Cream, Peanut Butter, Cheesecake, Chocolate Devil's food cake and so much more....it's hard to pick just one! But the great part is... you don't have to. You can try each one if you would like then you grab a bowl and fill it with as much or as little of the flavors you would like then you proceed to the toppings! They have all the topping you could imagine! Fresh fruit, candy bars, gummy bears (my favorite!), sprinkles, yogurt chips etc etc and then they have syrups to top it off. Once you have it all made you put it on a scale and you pay per ounce. It is amazing! Last night my creation was... Coconut Cream and Chocolate mint topped with gummy bears, yogurt chips and crushed oreos! It was GREAT!

5) My bed! Today has been a LONG day! I got to the office at about 7:30am and didn't leave till 6:30, then I went to Women in the Word from 7:00 - 8:30 and then headed home. The first thing I did was brush my teeth, change out of my work clothes and jump into bed. That is where I currently am posting this from. I love my bed, it is so comfortable! I get comfortable under my down comforter (yes it is summer and 100 outside and I still sleep with a down comforter... it provides...comfort!). Daisy burrows her way under the covers and snuggles up to my leg and I continue to do what I need to do (post my blog, read a book or watch a movie). My bed has become my favorite place in my apt. I am thankful that after a long day I can come home to something so comfortable and begin to relax!

What's next?

2011-06-15T23:10:00.015-05:00

I was reminded tonight that this Friday will mark the 6 month anniversary of my graduating with my masters degree. That time has flown by, it seems like just last week I was walking across that stage trying to hold back the tears from flowing down my cheeks. I had lunch with an old classmate today and we talked about how it is almost a grieving process graduating from school and saying good-bye to that stage of life. So now here I am 6 months later, in a job I love and with all this extra time on my hands.... so what's next?

That's the question that has been resounding in my heart this week... What's next? Where do I go from here? I spent so many years trying to get to this point, now I'm here... so what's next? If you know me at all I would hope that you would know that it is my desire to love people well and my passion to work with younger women and show them love. This is what has been on my heart lately... walking alongside younger women and mentoring them and just living life with them. That is what my heart longs for... but what does that look like? I have been thinking about this and praying through it for the last few weeks and I honestly don't know what that looks like right now! But I'm trusting that I will know when I see it. I was browsing the Internet the other day and came across a blog on this very topic and was very challenged by it. The author asked a couple questions that really have challenged me, she wrote...
Let me ask you a few questions:

*Are you pursuing the relationships God brings across your path?
*Are you asking the Lord for courage to share your life with other women?

*When the Lord presents you with an opportunity, are you willing to say yes?

*Are you praying about how Titus 2 relationships can occur in this season of life? (James 4:2)
*Are you realizing that others’ questions are your Titus 2 moments, wrapped in their confusion and need?

*All of us are to be connected to women ahead of us and to encourage women behind us. It’s God’s plan, and it works.*
So my prayer is that I would continue to ask myself these questions and really open my eyes to see the women that God wants me to pour my life into and walk through life with. I am super excited about this stage in life and am excited to see what's next....

Thankful for TODAY 6.13.11

2011-06-13T23:01:00.002-05:00

1) Ibuprofen! I woke up this morning and my lower back was killing me! Every little movement I made sent a sharp pain throughout my back. My range of motion was not very good. But I took 4 amazing little gel capsules and started to feel much better!

2) A flex schedule at work, now that I am the supervisor I am working a lot more but I am able to make my own schedule. I rarely get there on-time because I know I'll be leaving hours past my end time. Today I didn't roll in until about 10, it gave me two extra hours to lay in bed!

3) Today I wore a skirt that has not fit since I've lived in Texas! I'm thankful that in losing weight, my old clothes are starting to fit again! And thankful I've held onto them!

4) My CHI straightener! I went to bed with wet hair last night and woke up this morning with a monster on my head! It looked as though Daisy had made a nest in my hair! Thankfully with the power of the CHI no one will ever see that!

5) An e-mail with the confirmation that my application was accepted and I should hear from someone within the next couple of weeks! Hint: This would allow me to not work during the months of June, July and August! (Again more to come in a later post!)

Thankful for TODAY 6.12.11

2011-06-12T22:40:00.003-05:00

1) Church at the lake... my dear friend Kati and I decided to do church at the lake this morning. We went and each shared a passage that has been speaking to us and talked about why, and then we prayed. It was such a sweet time! We were able to really talk about what God is doing in our lives and what we believe He is calling us to in this moment. It was a precious time! We then spent the next few hours on our rafts in the water... I have the sunburn to prove it!

2) Raspberry Race nail polish and being able to "tramp it up" with painted finger nails! It's been awhile since I've had painted finger nails, but I think I'm liking the trend!

3) The combo of Roots Coffee Shop, my journal, the work of Kelly Minter: The fitting room and Jesus. Actually I was thankful for this yesterday as I spent about 4 hours at said location with said things. It was a sweet sweet time as I just sat and had a date with Jesus. I was able to really process all that has been going on and get refocused. And I was able to read Kelly Minter 's chapter for my weekly study with Kati and Erin (I am very proud of myself for not waiting till the last minute to read this week!)

4) A good cheeseburger! Nothing says summer like a burger and fries by the lake! Thank you Big Daddy's Cafe for such an amazing lunch

5) Theresa (Butler) Mellard! I love how she and I can walk though life together! I am so thankful for how God has weaved our lives together and allowed us to live life with one another. I am thankful that she loves me for who I am and trusts me to see who she is! I was reminded today of how thankful I am to be KNOWN by her!

Thankful for TODAY 6.11.11

2011-06-11T09:58:00.004-05:00

I have loved going back and reading some of my Thankful for TODAY blogs. I thought I would reintroduce the idea. I have been reminded so much lately of how precious TODAY is and how I need to live in that, so welcome back Thankful for TODAY!

1) Live music... last night I went with a coworker to Music Under the Stars and listened to Carrie Rodriguez play. It was a beautiful night and fun to just sit and listen to live music.

2) Redbox! I love movies and I love that Redbox lets me swing by and pick up a movie for $1.08 (as long as I don't forget to return it...). Today's movie of choice Just go with it

3) Saturdays, and not having to work on said day!

4) Sseko sandals! If you have not heard of these sandals, you must go to their website and find out all about them. The are amazingly comfortable sandals

in which you kinda design. You buy the base and can buy multiple straps in all kinds of colors. Each time you wear them, they can be a new sandal! And best of all they are made in Uganda by women who are trying to earn money to go to college. Please go to the website and read the story. I love these things! I have ordered straps in black, marigold, teal and red!

5) Daisy! She has been so sweet lately as she cuddles up with me and I love that she is always at the door to welcome me home. As much as she can drive me crazy at times I love that little girl!

7 1/2 months later...

2011-06-10T23:37:00.005-05:00

I was reading a friends blog the other day and I realized how much I miss writing on my blog. So I've decided to try this again! So here goes the reader's digest condesnsed version of the last 7 1/2 months....

I graduated in December with my Master's of Social Work degree, in February I passed my licensure test and offically am a Licensed Master of Social Worker. Somewhere in there I got promoted to Team Lead at work and have been enjoying the new responsibility of work.

The last 7 1/2 months have been filled with weddings, trips, laughter, tears, amazing moments and some of the hardest days I've endured in a long time. I've been stretched and challeneged and have learned so much. The last two weeks have been very sweet for me! I've been able to look back over the past few months and truly see God working in some pretty amazing ways. I have seen how God has protected me and how He truly is soverign! Last week I started Women in the Word at my church. For 6 weeks we will be diving into the book of James! What a sweet book to go through coming out of a time in life that was possibly one of the hardest trials I've experienced in a long time. I'm so excited about all that God is teaching me right now!

I really thought that once I was done with school I would have so much more time.... but it has not worked out that way! I still feel as I am as busy as ever! But I do love summer in Texas! I'm excited about the days by the pool, the annual trip to Sugarland with Kati, Erin and Batey, watching the fireworks in Grapevine sitting by the lake, Rangers games, and just time with friends! I do pray that this is the last summer that I will have to work during the months of June, July and August (more on that in a future post!). But I will enjoy all that I can during this summer!

It's good to be back in the blogging world and I'm sure you will hear more from me soon!

Here and Now...

2010-10-24T22:56:00.002-05:00

It's been awhile since I've written anything on here, things have just been so hectic in my life. I have had little to no free time and have not been able to get on here. While things have been crazy here, it has been such a sweet time in my life. I am currently working about 65 hours a week. I spend 40-45 hours a week at my job (which I still love) and 20ish hours at my internship. I have changed internships since I wrote here last and am now at a clinic at my university doing counseling. I mostly see children and adolescents but I do see one couple for marriage counseling and a 24 year old woman. I went in thinking I would only like working with adolescents and my favorite two clients are my couple and the 24 year old! It has been an amazing experience and has just confirmed that this is in fact what I want to do with my life. I have loved being able to walk with people as they struggle through life.

Along with work and my internship, I am currently working on my final paper. It has been a challenge (to say the least), due to many frustrations my classmates and I have had with our professor. But I am almost done and it feels great. I will graduate on December 17th at 1:00pm and cannot wait!

I am learning so much in this time, it has been challenging on so many levels. I am so thankful for the people who encourage me each and every day (especially when I just want to throw in the towel and be done!). I feel honored to have people who love me and urge me on! I am looking forward to this season of my life being over but want to continue to live in the here and now, and truly be thankful for where I am at.

Thankful for TODAY 7.26.10

2010-07-26T21:26:00.002-05:00

1) Being able to get into the doctor and get the medications that I need! (I hope that tomorrow I can be thankful for the fact that the medications are working).

2) Sonic Diet Coke with white coconut

3) Amazing friends that I can spend the weekend with as together we grow closer to the Lord!

4) Mirage Paper Co. and their jumbo journals, so much of my life is written in the pages of these journals

5) Emily Waterston Heinis! Today my best friend whom I have known since the 1st grade turns 29. I can not even begin to express how thankful I am for her friendship! She is my family and I love her dearly! Happy Birthday Em!

Undivided Devotion

2010-07-23T22:46:00.002-05:00

So I have been praying for somewhat of a "jump start" with my walk with the Lord, and tonight I got just that. I just got home from day one of "Desperate for Jesus", a two day women's retreat at a local church. I have been looking forward to this for some time now because Beth Moore, a woman who has spoken so much truth into my life through her books and Bible studies, was one of two main speakers. Before Beth Moore they had breakout sessions and I went to the one for single women. All I can say is that God was moving in that room and really spoke to my heart! I wanted to share a little about what was shared tonight!

Jada Edwards, a women I had never heard of, was the speaker for the session. Let me tell you this woman was made for this! The seminar was called Undivided Devotion and she began by saying that if we give God our undivided devotion, He will move within us! She said that there are three things we need to do to get to this point.

1) Decide that we are exactly where God wants us to be! She used the term intentional contentment, CHOOSING to be ok right in this place God has us- I loved that!

2) Detach from the things of this world! During this point she talked about how we should not let things of this world control us when we have a God who is bigger than everything on this earth. When we detach from the things of this world we are making ourselves available to God and for Him to be the "I Am" in our lives! She made it clear that we are not to shut down the desires of our heart but to let God mold those desires.

3) Devotion- as a single woman our devotion should be undivided and God has us in this season for a reason. As a single woman this is the only time when God will be the only devotion. What is keeping us from giving God our undivided devotion.

She asked a question towards the end of the session that was so sweet, because it is the current theme of this blog. She asked "are you too consumed about what the future holds that you are missing what God has for you RIGHT NOW?

I think God is trying to tell me something!

Thankful for TODAY 7.20.10

2010-07-20T20:40:00.002-05:00

1) Being able to get a good nights rest and waking up feel refreshed!

2) Central Market Gellato!

3) Word with Friends

4) Finishing my last presentation EVER of grad school!

5) Being able to watch God move in mighty ways in the lives of those around me! Seeing prayers being answered

Thankful for TODAY 7.18.10

2010-07-19T19:31:00.004-05:00

1) The times spent at the dog park with Daisy's bestie Wrigley!

2)The ability to nap rather than do the things I need to do!

3) Writing my brother, I love being able to share my life with him through written letters!

4)An amazing church that I love!

5) Friends that no matter how far we live from one another, they still know me and prusue me!

Thankful for TODAY 7.17.10

2010-07-18T08:04:00.004-05:00

1) Letters from my brother! And really in general my relationship with my brother and God is using me in his life. I miss and love him so much!

2) Air conditioning! With tempatures reaching over 100 I am thankful for air conditioning at home, work and in my car!

3) Roots coffee shop

4) Beth Moore! She has spoken such truth to my heart so many times and continues to do so as I read this book!

5) Friends at the same stage of life as myself! A friend I can laugh with when a crazy guy recites poetry about jabberwokies to us. A friend I can relate to as we read above mentioned book together. A friend whom I can do crazy things with! Thanks for hanging out "Kate"!

Thankful for TODAY 7.15.10

2010-07-15T21:43:00.002-05:00

1) Kati and Erin, who I have the privilage of meeting with weekly. How I truley treasure these times spent together!

2) Encouraging text messages!

3) So You Think You Can Dance

4) Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Gelatto

5) Study sessions with Sarah!

Thankful for TODAY 7.14.10

2010-07-15T21:27:00.003-05:00

1) B12 shots! Of which I had my second weekly shot today.

2) A great family physican who is willing to explore my crazy medical issues with me!

3) An unexpected day off from both work and my internship!

4) A comfy bed and being able to take a nap!

5) Rachel Petit and the 53 sweet minutes I got to talk with her tonight! I miss you Rachey Pachey!

Thankful for TODAY 7.13.10

2010-07-13T20:16:00.006-05:00

1) My job, although days like today are long and frustrating I do love my job and am very thankful for it!

2) That when I run out of gas there are people to come to my rescue!

3) Sarah and Theresa who encouraged me so much through e-mails today!

4) Having group members that I know will get their stuff done by next week when we present!

5) Chic-fil-a

The update

2010-07-13T19:50:00.005-05:00

Ok so it has been super long since I've updated this and because of recent requests here I am. There has been SOOOO much that has changed since the last time I wrote on here so I will try to do a quick update and then tell about a new idea that I have had! So here is the update....

The biggest thing is that I am employed! God is so faithful and I am constantly in awe of this faithfulness! I started working for a mental health agency at the end of January. I work on a Mobile crisis outreach team and am always on the go. My team goes out to assess people who are in crisis to see what services are available to them. It has been great experience and I can honestly say that I love what I do. The hours can be long (especially now, which I'll get to in a minute), but I really do enjoy going to work. I love being to help clients get stabilized after being in a crisis. I love doing something in which I can use my gifts and talents and something that I believe that I am good at. I've been there for almost 6 months now and I truly love my job.

Second update is that in 156 days, 17 hours and 2 minutes I will be walking across that stage to pick up my MSW degree!! I don't know if you can tell but I am very ready for that day! I have enjoyed this school process and can not believe that the end is almost here! It seems like just yesterday I was a Panera with a great mentor who challenged me to go back to school, and now here I am. I am in my last class right now (literally I'm writing this in class...have I told you I'm ready to be done!). I am doing 500 hours at an internship and have to write my final paper in the fall. I am doing my intern hours at a inpatient psych hospital. I am currently working on the adult unit and will be in the adolescent unit in the fall. This is where the super busy schedule and long days come in. I work 12 hour days 6 days a week! That has been a great experience also. I am getting great training and my heart is being more formed into what I want to do when I'm done with school.

The next update is an addition to my life... Meet Daisy!

She is my sweet little dog I welcomed into my life in January and I love her so much! It has been super sweet to have a dog in my life again! She is so super sweet and I love her so much!

So that's basically the update, still single, still live alone, still in school (for another 156 days!), working now,loving my job, got a dog... There you go!

So now for my idea... I meet with two of my dear friends each week for accountability and this past week we spoke about living in the here and now rather than hoping for the future. We talked about our hope for the future was becoming an idol for us. We thought that one day to truly live in today would be to think of 5 things each day for things that we are thankful THAT DAY! So I am going to use my this blog as a record of that. I don't know if I'm going to be able to blog each day but I am hoping to share the five things I'm thankful with each of you as much as possible!

#28

2009-11-26T21:30:00.006-06:00

Well this is Thanksgiving #28 for Me. I have started this tradition of listing the things I am thankful for. This being the 28th Thanksgiving I have celebrated I have A LOT to be thankful for! I have been blessed beyond anything I could ever imagined! I am so excited to see what this next year brings. You can check out #27 to see what I was thankful this time last year (some may be the same but I'm going to try to list things that I am thankful from within the last year!)

1. Reese's pieces pastel eggs (I bought 12 bags after Easter to enjoy year round, one of which I am enjoying right now!)
2. The HARD times that this year has brought that have caused me to grow and become such a stronger person.
3. The times that I get to spend with my dearest and longest friends/sisters, Emily and Les! My birthday this year was so sweet with them here to celebrate with me!
4. The times few and far between that I get to spend with my sweet friends from Mankato. Whether it be in Kansas City or Tucson or here in Fort Worth, I am so thankful for these sweet visits!
5. Having women in my life who are intentional about pouring their lives into mine. Especially my new friend Molly, who entered my life as a huge answer to prayer!
6. Thursday mornings at Chic-Fil-A with Kati and Erin, I am so thankful for how these mornings have drawn me closer to these sweet friends as we grow closer to the Lord.
7. Christ Chapel Bible Church, what an amazing church to be a part of! I am thankful for the people that have entered into my life through CCBC!
8. The opportunity I had to intern at and then work at Texas ReEntry Services.
9. That I am a proud new owner of a 2009 Ford Focus!
10. School... I'm so thankful that I was able to graduate and get my Bachelor of Social Work and now continue to work on my Master of Social Work! I am so thankful that I L-O-V-E my classes! And I am so thankful for my classmates!
11. That I have been able to continue building on my relationship with my brother Marc!
12. My new apartment! I love living alone once again and it is such a little oasis for me.
13. Kari Jobe and Sandra McCracken and the other amazing musicians who speak to my heart!
14. My journal from Mirage Paper Co! As many of you know I journal on a regular basis and I honestly believe that if I did not have that in my life I would go crazy!
15. Having a place to go "home" to...
16. Being able to celebrate with many of my friends as they have married the man of their dreams!
17. Watching the growth that is happening in the lives of those I love!
18. Restoration in friendships that have been broken (see #2!)
19. Being able to celebrate with my friends as they expand their families!
20. Being unemployed... I think that this time has been the best thing for my relationship with the Lord. I have significant time to spend reading and journaling and this time has forced me to trust in a whole new way!
21. That I can call my God, Jehovah Jireh the Lord who provides! I am so thankful for all the ways the I have seen the Lord provide in some AMAZING ways!
22. Skinny Cows Ice Cream sandwiches... who knew that "diet" could taste so good?!?!
23. Being able to nanny for Alisha, Ashley, Amanda and little Kelly! What a great opportunity to love those kids in the midst of a chaotic time in their lives.
24. My iphone, I love that I have everything I need at my fingertips. I love that it sync's with my car (see #9), and that it begins to play my itunes upon starting my car, I love that I can play on facebook or check my e-mail no matter where I am at! I just love it!
25. Union Gospel Mission and the opportunity to serve the homeless of Fort Worth supper every Tuesday night. Thankful for Ron and Issac who make us feel like family as we come serve each week!
26. Student health care, without which I would be thousands of dollars in debt right now!
27. The Amazing Amazing Amazing people in my life! I am so blessed by the amazing people who choose to walk through life with me. I am SO forever grateful to and for these people, namely... Emily and Patrick, Les and Jonathon, Natalie and Bob, Melissa, Kati, Erin, Theresa, Sarah, Holly, Arianne, Kathleen, Heather, and so many more! I love you all more than I could ever express!
28. I once again am leaving the thing I am most thankful for last.... My relationship with the Lord. He has saved me and continues to show me mercy and grace. I am so very thankful for that, without that relationship I would not have this list!

Unemployed...still!

2009-10-25T13:13:00.004-05:00

I have officially been unemployed for 25 days as of today. I have been on 5 interviews, invited for 2 more interviews, offered one position (which I turned down), did not finish one of the interviews when we realized the position would not work with my school schedule, did not get one of the jobs but was encouraged to apply for future positions due to the fact I was a strong candidate, and I continue to wait for a response from the other two! One of the said jobs I'm waiting for a response from is the one I WANT! So here I sit and wait...

This time has become a lesson in trusting in the LORD. I had the recommended two months worth of bills saved up and come December 1st I will have been unemployed for two months and therefore my savings will be depleted. I have begun to freak out a little bit and yet I feel the calming presence of the LORD! I have said a few times over the last week that this month of unemployment has been the best thing for my relationship with the LORD. I have had time each morning to spend a significant amount of time reading, journaling and just being still with the LORD. I have been able to spend time praying for people in my life and doing things to serve within the community. I still have a great peace about turning down the job offer a month ago. When I begin to question that decision I am reminded about how sweet this time has been with my LORD, and ultimately I believe that is more valuable. And therefore I sit and I wait...

I honestly do believe that I got the job that I really want. It is a job working with Mental Health & Mental Retardation (MHMR) of Tarrant County. The position is a Family Intervention Specialist. I would have a caseload of 20-30 kids ages 4-17 who have mental health issues and whose families have decided to be a part of this program. I would meet with the kids either every week or every other week and work on their goals. I would make my own schedule (I schedule when I see clients) and therefore will work great with my school schedule. I honestly think that I would excel at this position and that my gifts, talents and education would be a great asset to this program. The interview went great and my interviewer made it sound as though I have the job. MHMR is a huge agency and therefore there is a LOT of paper work and they are not quick to do things (so I've heard from current employees) and therefore I sit here and I wait...

Things are tight financially and I'm not able to do some of the things I desire to do, but yet I am in one of the best places emotionally and spiritually that I have been in in a long time! And therefore I will continue to sit here and wait and most importantly, trust!

Unemployed!

2009-09-30T20:17:00.002-05:00

As of today I am unemployed! As I have mentioned I have been searching for a new job, and honestly it has been going pretty well. I have my resume out there and many different non-profit agencies and I have had 4 interviews (the 5th is tomorrow morning) and 1 job offer. I don't know if it was the wisest decision but I turned down the job I was offered because of the promise that the 2 interviews I have/had this week. The position I was offered was a central intake specialist for a non-profit agency. I would have spent a lot of my time on the phone accessing the needs of clients and referring them on. Not my dream job, and the salary was less than what I am currently making. Both of the jobs I'm interviewing for this week are for positions that I would love excel at. Through this process I have had to put to work many of the skills that I taught my classes this summer. I have been asked many interview questions and have had to think on my toes. Here are some of the interview questions I have been asked so far....

The person we hire for this position will be the 'face of the company', why would you make a good face for this company?

What are you strengths and weaknesses?

What brings you joy? And what irritates you?

What are your professional goals?

Have you ever had to deliver hard news? How did you respond to that?

What do you like about this agency?

Describe a stressful situation you've encountered at a workplace, how did you deal with the stress?

What type of schedule do you like to work with?

And so many more! One interview this week took 1 hour and 45 minutes! I was told earlier this week in a interview that I am very poised which I guess is a good thing! I hope that tomorrow as I go on yet another interview I am as poised as I have been. I will keep ya'll updated on the process!

Where I am from...

2009-09-25T12:35:00.001-05:00

For one of my classes we had to write a poem about where we are from, I thought I would share mine!

Where I am from…

I am from the trailer park,
Living week to week,
Waiting for the welfare check.
Living with my brother and father,
While my mother remarried
Making my uncle my step-father!

I am from a home where everyday was filled with love…
Until one day, I believe I was 10
And things began to change
The fridge began to fill with beer
And my brother and I began to live in fear
My brother was the first to go
And I soon too followed

We moved in with the mother we barely knew
Now I must say I am from the other side
Living purchase to purchase
My love trying to be bought
Feeling lonely and sad

My brother followed in the family foot steps
Became an addict and completely withdrew
One would expect that I too would become an addict
But instead I fell in love with my Savior
And O what a different path I have taken
I love to look back and see and remember…
Where I am from!

The job search...

2009-09-20T21:57:00.002-05:00

So the summer is over which therefore means that my summer employment program is over. Going into the summer I knew that my job was a temporarly job, but it was thought that more money would come in so that I could stay at the agency. Now here we are a week and half until the end of September and still no money has come in to pay me. So come October 1st, I will no longer be at TXRS unless some money comes in soon.

Because of this, the job search has begun! There is nothing I enjoy less than searching for a new job! I have my resume out there all throughout the Fort Worth area. I have been applying mostly to non-profit agencies. I have a second interview on Tuesday and am hopeful for an offer. I must say that I am very excited to be done with my school so that I will be qualified for the jobs that I want! Until then I will continue to build up my resume. I must say that my experiences will look great on my resume and hopefully where I end up next will add to that! I'm just ready to know what the near future will look like!

Well...

2009-09-16T22:58:00.003-05:00

It has been over a month since I have blogged! What has been going on you ask, well here is the run down!

I finished my first semester of Grad school!

A weekend float trip that brought me back to junior high in the antics of some of the people on the trip!

5 days days in Arkansas celebrating Leslie's birthday with the Steens, Emily and Bonnie!

2 of my very dearest friends from undergrad,Melissa & Natalie, came to visit Fort Worth!

Which included skating, once again a junior high moment!

And spent time with some great friends here in Fort Worth

I have begun to volunteer with my small group at Union Gospel Mission a local homeless shelter. Every Tuesday we help to serve supper there!
I read Same kinda different as me ... Seriously go out and read it, it is GREAT!
I have begun my second semester of Grad school in which I am taking 3 classes that I am already LOVING! I love my classes more and more every semester. It is nice to continue to be affirmed that this is exactly what I am suppose to be doing! As a part of my course work this semester I have to attend two 12-step meetings and also go to 3 "out of my comfort zone" places. I will be excited to share these experiences with you! Next week I am lining up for supper with the homeless at a shelter and experiencing that. SO that is my life over the past month... there is a lot going on right now but I will leave that for the next blog!

Where part of my heart is....

2009-07-27T20:51:00.005-05:00

This past weekend I went to Longview to celebrate the marriage of Kacie and Phil Peek. Kacie is a dear friend of mine from Heartlight. Theresa, Marti and I drove over Friday night and stayed with Heather, a friend so very dear to my heart! It was so good to catch up with old friends. Although I was sick all day on Saturday I sucked it up and went to the wedding. It was a BEAUTIFUL wedding and it was so good to catch up with old friends! Heartlight was such a huge part of my life and these people are so dear to my heart! I loved the time I had to spend with these great people!

Mr & Mrs Peek

Heartlight staff

Theresa, Marti and I before the wedding

I love these girls!

The last two months...

2009-07-08T20:05:00.008-05:00

Well it's been almost two months since I've been on here... bad bad Jen! I've got lots of catching up to do! Here is the run down... Graduated with my Bachelor's of Social Work, transistioned from being an intern to a supervisor of a program that I designed, began Grad school, began teaching the work readiness classes for the youth program, went to Houston for a weekend,moved to a new apartment, saw the X-Fighters motor-cross games, went to Arizona and have really enjoyed life.

Graduation Photo

Sarah, Theresa and I at the X-Fighters

My new apartment!

I will write more soon! For now I have a mid-term to study for!

Crazy...

2009-05-12T20:50:00.003-05:00

Well I am officially employed now! I am very excited to begin this new journey! It's been kinda strange to go from being an unpaid intern to the person in charge of a new program! I officially have people reporting to me! I have talked to so many people in the past few days talking about this program that I have designed It's so weird and I can say that it is something that I am very proud of! These next two weeks will be spent contacting people getting them excited to be a part of this program and then the classes will start the first week of June! To say the least I'm excited!

It is funny how some things that should be a big mile stone don't seem that exciting to me right now. In 3 day I will graduate with my Bachelor of Social Work degree, and yet it does not seem like that big of a deal to me. I'm not walking at graduation and I begin the Masters Program in 3 weeks from tomorrow. I think that once I graduate with my Masters in Social Work degree I will feel more accomplished! I should be done next August! That is the day I look forward to! Saying all of that it, is crazy that this milestone is here! I moved to Texas a little less than two years ago with the intention of getting my BSW in order to get my MSSW and now here I am with one goal accomplished! These past two years have FLOWN by!! It is crazy to think of all that has happened over the past two years, how much I have grown, and how much I gotten to know who I really am. I'm so thankful for the amazing opportunities I had over the past two years and am excited to see what the next year of schooling will bring!

News Story

2009-05-09T11:36:00.002-05:00

I never thought that when I began working on the grant for the Youth Summer Employment Program back in March that it would turn into this great honor for me. I have to say that I am SO exicted about the program and I'm so excited to be working alongside these young men and women and give them the opperunity to begin to turn around their lives. On Thursday of this week, NBC channel 5 in Dallas came to the office and did a news story on me. Here is the link

I feel very proud that I am able to be a part of this!

The kiddos...

2009-05-01T12:34:00.005-05:00

This is funny. The kids were playing a maze game on the computer.
F-U-N-N-Y!

Top 9

2009-04-30T21:10:00.005-05:00

1) I did Habitat for Humanity over the weekend. It was super fun! I would highly recommend it to ya'll if you have never done it before. It was a LONG day but super fun!

2) I got a new bed and I L-O-V-E it! It is so comfortable!

3) I decorated my new bathroom. It's very HAPPY looking!

4) I'm pretty sure that Allisha has the Swine Flu... It's only a matter of time before I get it. Just add it onto my crazy medical history!

5) I have 4 more days of undergrad class left... ever!

6) I registered for my first Grad classes today, I begin June 3rd.

7) Tomorrow is my first day as a paid employee at Texas ReEntry Services

8) The University of Texas at Arlington is highlighting me as an outstanding graduate. They are doing a story on me and the summer program I designed and will be running it in the UTA magazine. They called today and asked if they can pitch my story to the local newspapers and TV channels. (I'll keep you updated on that!)

9) Is it just me or did April FLY by?

Thursday = Monday

2009-04-23T11:39:00.002-05:00

As it has been pointed out I have missed a couple of Mondays. So here I sit on Thursday trying to make up for that. I am "working" from home today due to my Jeep being in the shop. My Jeep has been leaking anti-freeze and yesterday it over heated. Kelly (my boss) looked at it and thought it was the Head Gasket which totally stressed me out all day yesterday! But I just got the call and it's just the heater valve....Phew!!

So I have been a live in Nanny for almost a week now! My second day in the oldest girl (14) "ran away" in the middle of the night. She came back that night and is safe. I spent a good majority of Sunday talking to her. My Heartlight days are coming in handy! Other than that it's been good. It has been a good transition.

I have 2 weeks left of undergrad! The last day of class is May 8th and I graduate on May 15th. It doesn't really feel like I'm done though. My goal in going back to school was to get my Masters and I'm not there yet so I don't feel like it's that big of a deal. But I have a MAJOR case of senioritis!! I will be glad to be done with these silly general ed classes I have had to take.

The Youth Summer Employment Program (YESP) officially starts May 1, 2009! I will transition into that position that first week of May as I finish up my internship hours and begin that program. I am SO very excited about it! I'm excited to be working alongside a good friend of mine and doing something that I have a passion for!

That's all for now... I'm sure I have more to say but I really should get back to work! I will try not to miss another Monday!

The big 2-8

2009-04-06T09:09:00.002-05:00

I just re-read my blog from one year ago and remembered how hard my birthday was last year. I have to say this year was the opposite of that and I am so thankful! I had a great birthday and hopefully 28 will be good to me!

On Friday two of my dearest friends flew in for the weekend. Emily and Leslie are like sisters to me and it was so fun to have them here for the weekend. We spent Saturday at the Zoo and then we had a cook-out. It was fun to have a few of my friends gather and just spend time together! Then on Sunday(my birthday), I spent some time journaling in the morning and then we went to eat lunch and then to the Botanical Gardens and an art festival in Dallas. Leslie's flight got delayed so we had some extra time with her so we went and got Mexican. It was such a good day. It was so good to be with people I love on a day that is usually so hard for me. Thanks so very much Emily and Leslie for coming and making my birthday so special! Just spending time with you was the best present!

I'll try to upload pictures later!

Oh yeah and another update... I GOT THE GRANT!!!! My supervisor called me on Friday to tell me that not only did we get the grant but they like it so much they are DOUBLING our budget! My supervisor said they were very impressed by the program. It really makes all that hard work well worth it!!! It was such a good early birthday present!!

Medical mystery solved!

2009-04-01T10:46:00.002-05:00

So as many of you may know I tend to be a bit of a medical mystery! I spent about 6 months back in 2006 going though pretty much all the tests known to the GI doctors, all to come back showing me I was a healthy 25 year old. I was told by one doctor that it must be Cancer since we ruled everything else out (and then he told me I couldn't get in for the test for 4 weeks!). I recommend that a doctor NEVER do this!!! The symptoms I was having eventually just went away on their own, only surfacing twice at random times throughout the next few months. Then in 2007 I was having intense abdominal pain. My doctor prescribed Cipro to combat an infection she thought I had. Turns out I am allergic to Cipro and I went into Renal failure. This is an extremely rare reaction to the drug (1 in 1,000,000).

As I wrote on Sunday I was in a lot of pain, it only continued to get worse on Monday. Yesterday I went into the clinic. At first they could not figure out what was wrong with me (surprise, surprise) but I finally got a diagnosis! I have epiploic appendagitis. Granted this usually is diagnosed in late 40's early 50's. It is the same thing that I originally had when I was prescribed Cipro. Basically the fatty tissue on my appendix is inflamed. I was told I don't need surgery, the pain will go away in about a week. So I'm home in bed today. It's nice to know what wrong for once but am sad to know that this type of pain can come on at anytime if it gets inflamed again.

3 weeks in a row!

2009-03-30T21:17:00.002-05:00

Well I am currently laying in bed not feeling well at all. As long as I don't move I am not in pain so I'm gonna try to write this while moving as little as possible. I woke up this morning with an intense pain that has been present all day. I'm really hoping it goes away and I will be better tomorrow!

Do you ever have those days when it just feels great to do nothing?!? That is what yesterday was for me. I slept in, ate breakfast, showered and then read all day long. It was so nice to just have a nice lazy Sunday. I got to read for fun too which is something I have not done in a long time.

Also big news is I think I have found my future home! I spent all of last Thursday and Friday looking at apartments. I looked at a total of 16! I came home Friday night and watched Fireproof (which I recommend to all of you, especially my married readers... it's cheesy but good). I narrowed down my choices but did not feel totally confident about any of them. Today I stopped at one last place and I really liked it!! It's near to where I use to live so I know the neighborhood and they have a great student special so it was cheaper than most I have looked at. The community is only 5 years old so it is also very nice. I'm going tomorrow to put my deposit on it!

Well I am going to bed and praying that I feel better come tomorrow morning!

CHECK, CHECK, CHECK!!!

2009-03-24T21:53:00.004-05:00

My Monday morning was CRAZY! Let me walk you through it, 9:00 Spanish Mid-term, 10:00 turn in English paper, 11:00 turn in History paper and take a quiz over FDR's Folly (which I did not read... 20 questions, I guessed on 20 of them!), 12:00 go to the office and put final touches on grant and HAND IT IN!!! It was such a busy morning but so good to have it all done. I had a crazy couple of days leading up to Monday also as I was trying to prepare for the crazy day. I feel like I need a break from spring break! It felt so good to check these things off my list though!!

I must say that I am SUPER excited about having the grant turned in and even more excited to hear back from board. We should know unofficially April 8th if we got it or not. I continued to get more and more excited about it as I was writing but I was trying not to in case we don't get it. I think it's going to be a great program though and my supervisor does also!

I am realizing more and more how much I love working with teens and young adults. The oldest daughter of the family I nanny for Alisha has had some hard things going on in the past couple of weeks, a friend of hers was cutting, another friend is pregnant (she is only 14), and then last week she lost a friend of hers unexpectedly. All of these things have really opened up our relationship and I have been able to walk through some of this with her. She reminds me A LOT of myself when I was 14 and it's neat to be able to be to her what a woman dear to my heart was to me at that age! It just continues to confirm to me that I am doing the right thing by getting my Masters in order that I will have the skills to do what I love!

Ok, so I'm exhausted and going to bed. I wanted to include a picture of my new dishes though! I'm super excited about them!

The last month...

2009-03-16T19:48:00.002-05:00

Ok so it has officially been a month since I last wrote on here. It has been a crazy month, but some very exciting things are happening! So here is the update...

I have decided that Mondays are going to be my official day to blog so if a Monday goes by and I haven't blogged yell at me!

Well in February I flew out to Kansas City to surprise a dear dear friend of mine for her birthday. Natalie is a friend from MSU who has become so dear to my heart over the years. I had realized that it had been over a year and a half since we've really had time to just sit with each other and catch up. I worked with her husband Bob to plan the surprise, and it was AMAZING. I flew in early and got to have coffee with Melissa, one of my old residents from Heartlight and then I drove to Bob and Nat's apt. It was such a sweet weekend to my heart. It is amazing how the Lord continues to use these people I love in my life!

The next big thing is that I moved out of my house I was living in. I know that it was the best decision, it was just a bit sudden! I am currently staying with a friend of mine while I look for my new apartment. I'm so excited about living by myself! I'm excited about this new stage of life! I'm excited to find new stuff and decorate my new apt (I just bought new dishes this past weekend!)

I said earlier that my life has been crazy busy, and the reason for that is an amazing opportunity I have been given. My supervisor at my internship came to me a few weeks ago to tell me about an opportunity she had been presented to develop a Summer Youth Employment program for disadvantaged youth. She knows this is the age group I want to work with and asked me if I would want to develop this project. If we get the grant she is going to hire me on for the summer to run the program! Of course I said YES! So I have been developing this program and am currently writing the grant proposal. I'm getting more and more excited about the program and pray that we get the grant! I will be ok if I never have to write another grant in my life though!

I think that is all for now. All the major things anyhow! I'll be back next Monday at the latest to fill ya'll in on anything I forgot!

Blog challenge

2009-02-15T23:21:00.002-06:00

So my dear friend Emily did this and as a response I am now doing it also. I thought it was an amazing idea so here we go...

The deal is, the first 5 people who comment will receive something in the mail that I've made. The stickler, is that if you comment, you have to do the same on your blog. Cool?

I really don't know if 5 people even read this so you have a good chance of being one of the first 5 to comment. I'm so excited to think of things to send to each of you.

There is nothing better to me than to recieve fun things via snail mail. I love to send things also, I wish I was better about this. I think that may be one of my new goals for 2009, to send people more mail. So maybe this blog will give that a jump start.

So go ahead... comment away!

Have you ever....

2009-02-11T23:40:00.002-06:00

Have you ever been blamed for something that you did not do? Have you ever felt as though people were holding your past sins over your head as though they defined who you are? Have you ever felt as though no matter what you said, it would fall upon deaf ears? Have you ever felt as though you would never be able to make things ok? Have you ever felt as though every step you took and every move you made was being judged? Have you ever felt as though the people who say they love you, are attacking you? Have you ever thought that love should look differently? Have you ever felt like someone was always looking for a fault, even though you were doing everything right? If so welcome to my world!

It's interesting to me how I can be in such a great spot and how the enemy thinks he knows exactly how to hurt me and tries to knock me down... well guess what?!?! I'm not falling! 2009 has begun very interestingly for me. It has been hard and yet though all of that I have grown so much closer to God. I would say that these last few weeks have been some of the sweetest times I've had with the Lord in awhile. Life has been very busy and then there is the situation explained above that is a daily struggle and yet at the end of the day I am rejoicing because I am a child of God.

Yesterday someone dear dear dear to my heart called me out of the blue. She is someone who since I have known her, has been a prayer warrior for me. As we were talking she told me that she wanted to encourage me by telling me that my worth is not found in the relationships I have here on earth. That the people who say they love me may hurt and disappoint me but that I should never find my worth in that. Her call came at such a perfect time for me as I needed that reminder. I will press on towards the goal and keep my eyes on HIM!

Newness...

2009-01-24T17:33:00.003-06:00

There has been so many new things in my life over the past few weeks and I'm really interested to see what these next few week and months are going to look like!

I started school this past week along with going back to Texas ReEntry Services. Let me just say that my schedule is FULL. The plan is to leave my house at about 5:45 each morning (I didn't do this this past week!) in order to get to the gym by 6. I then have class from 9-12 MWF and then I go directly to the office till 2:30 when I leave to go pick up the kiddos from school. I then hang out with them until 6:00. On Tuesday & Thursday I go from the gym to the office till 2:30, when I pick up the kiddos. So everyday I'm going going going! It wouldn't be so bad but I have things Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday evenings also! Ahh it's going to be a LONG semester!

Also, there is a new friend in my life. His name is Jacob and it's been kinda a roller coaster ride getting to know him but it's been really good. It's kinda tricky because we both have developed feeling for each other but don't feel as though the Lord is leading us towards anything beyond a friendship at this point. So this is all new to me and I'm really interested to see what this looks like. We have decided to use this time to really build upon our friendship and getting to know each other more.

So anyhow I'm really interested to see what these next few weeks and months look like. This is all new to me...

A new year!

2009-01-15T07:33:00.003-06:00

2009 has been a crazy year and I am only 15 days into it! There were some really hard things that happened in the last days of 2008 and then some of my bad choices from the past came back to the surface. 2009 started with much hurt, and I've had to spend the last 15 days trying to figure out what I'm going to do with, how I'm going to respond. There have been so many times in my life when I have been the victim and I can either sit in that or I can trust God that things will be ok and continue with life. This is the path that I have chosen. It has been very sweet in the past few days to just sit with the Lord and hear His truth about who I am. I'm excited to see how He is going to use these hard things to His glory.

There have also been some changes in 2009, the major one being that I am now nannying for a family. It is a hard family situation but I'm so excited to be able to be a part of what God is doing in this family. There are 4 kids (ages 7, 10, 13, 15) and they live with their dad who is going through a divorce from his second wife. So these kids are going through their second divorce. I did not know this when I first started but was filled in before my first day. Anyhow I pick the 2 youngest up from school, help them with homework and then cook supper and do household chores. It actually has been a great set up for me. I feel as though I am able to use my gifts very well in this position. I'm glad that I am able to be a stable person in these kids lives. I'm glad that I am able to be able to talk through how they are cooping with the divorce. It's just been a great opportunity to serve!

As hard as 2009 has been so far I'm so excited about what the year holds. I'm excited about the newness of it all!

2008-12-31T10:40:00.011-06:00

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so here is a countdown of the best pictures of 2008!

Friends together again! Getting all dolled up for Sarah's B-day celebration!

At the Italian Inn for Sarah's B-day!

My new small group ladies! I love these girls!!

AHH I had to put this one in here, Matt playing Chubby Bunny!

Us at Pam's Baby shower! Baby Lois was born in November!

At Ryan and Tyanne's wedding

DAVE BARNES!!!!!

These next few are from my second trip to Thailand!

Meg's wedding!

Home again for Adam and Rachel's wedding!

The CRAZY memorial day trip to go Float!!!

The Heartlight Gala!

Em came to visit!
We were hoping to get circled!

My first trip to Thailand!

Net, one of the children I fell in love with!

Arianne's b-day (and my new glasses)

Chad and Amanda's wedding!

AKA Heartlight reunion!

Well that was 2008! I'm excited for 2009, I know that there will be lots of wedding pictures in this next year! I'm excited to see what it holds!

'08/'09

2008-12-29T17:23:00.003-06:00

So I'm sitting here on Em's couch feeling sick and thought that I would do this meme that she tagged me in.

1. Will you be looking for a new job? I am debating this, if I am I won't really be looking I will just be applying and getting a job (as a probation officer), I may pick up a part time job. I'm really not sure yet what I want to do, depends on what scholarships I get

2. Will you be looking for a new relationship? Yes!

3. New house? No I don't think so. I L-O-V-E the house I am in!

4. What will you do differently in 09? I'm not really sure, maybe workout more and eat better!

5. New Years resolution? I usually don't make new year resolutions, but I would say to workout more and eat better

6. What will you not be doing in 09? Not really sure, whenever I say I will not do something I tend to do it.

7. Any trips planned? The first being a trip to PA to go skiing with my amazing Heartlight Friends. I'm hoping to get out of the country at some point but not sure where to yet. I'm sure that Minnesota will be in there sometime. Also I am planning a road trip to Florida to visit my brother.

8. Wedding plans? Not of my own, but who knows there are 365 days in 2009.

9. Major thing on your calendar? Right now only the trip to PA which really is not on the calender because dates have not been set. Also wedding of my roommates (also dates yet to be set). So far that is all I know of so far.

10. What can’t you wait for? The things I 'm hoping will happen in '09

11. What would you like to see happen differently? I'm not sure about this one...

12. What about yourself will you be changing? I'm with Em on this one...My waistline, I hope :-).

13. What happened in 08 that you didn’t think would ever happen? I went to Thailand twice!

14. Will you be nicer to the people you care about? I really try to be nice to people I care about all the time. Sometimes when in a bad mood I can take it out on those I care about, I will work on that!

15. Will you dress differently this year than you did in 08? Hopefully just smaller sizes!

16. Will you start or quit drinking? No, I currently drink and I don't think I will be giving up it up this year

17. Will you better your relationship with your family? With my brother I hope. I do hope that through this hard time in his life that we can better our relationship

18. Will you do charity work? Yes. I feel as though my job is charity work sometime, but I do plan on volunteering much more this year also.

19. Will you go to bars? I do feel as though I will be at a bar at some point in '09

20. Will you be nice to people you don’t know? I think I am really nice to people I don't know, I tend to really like people and believe that everyone should be loved

21. Do you expect 09 to be a good year for you? I hope so, '08 was a good year and I'm excited to see what '09 will bring.

22. How much did you change from this time last year till now? I hope that I love a little better and have learned much about love.

23. Do you plan on having a child? Not unless I fall in love and get married in the next 2 months!

24. Will you still be friends with the same people you are friends with now? Yes! I have amazing friends and I'm so blessed to call them my friends. I am looking forward to making even more this year!

25. Major lifestyle changes? Working out more, eating better, and possibly beginning a new job

26. Will you move? Probably not, but you never know.

27. What will you make sure doesn’t happen in 09 that happened in 08? I don't know, I nothing in my control happened that I could change for next year.

28. What are your New Years Eve plans? I don't have any yet (yes I know that it is only 2 days away)

30. One wish for 09? Don't they say if you tell what you wish for it won't happen?!?! I am NOT telling, just in case!!

Wow I can not believe that 2008 is almost over! I wish you all a very happy new year!!

Highs and lows of '08

2008-12-24T12:43:00.004-06:00

The other night I was out with 4 of the most amazing women I know. It was a night to celebrate Sarah's birthday and it was a great night. We got all dressed up, took pictures in front of the Christmas tree, went to supper at a cute little Italian restaurant, went The Nutcracker, and then back to Sarah's for homemade Oreo Cheesecake. It was a fun night but honestly it was just good to be out with these women that I love. During supper we went around and talked about the highs and lows of 2008, we realized one thing in the conservation and that was that 2008 was a good year! None of us could really think of major low of the year. For me this is significant coming out of 2007 which was full of lows for this girls.

I thought I would share some of the highs of 2008 as the year is ending...

* I got to go to Thailand twice! My life will forever be impacted by those trips, by the people that I met and the time I got to spend with the people I was traveling with!

*Out of my trip to Thailand came one particular high, the beaches of Thailand. I love a good beach and this was a GOOD ONE!

* My new small group! I love these new women that the Lord has put into my life! It has been so sweet to really get to know these girls and count them sweet friends!

* My oldest and best friend came to Texas in April. It was so good to have her come and see that part of my life. We did lots of fun Texas stuff and it was just fun to have her in my neck of the woods!

* Many of my friends got married this year and it was fun to celebrate with them. I love how weddings bring friends together!

* I got to spend 3 months working in the Senator's office. The high that came out of this time is meeting my supervisor, she is an amazing women and it was a privilege to work alongside her for that time!

* My roommates and all the sweet times I have had with them this past year. These girls are there for me to laugh with, to cry with and just be still with. I love that these girls know me and love me so well.

So all in all 2008 was a good year and I'm excited to have an even better 2009!

The future?!?!?

2008-12-06T21:14:00.002-06:00

So I have been such a roller coaster of emotions lately. Life is crazy right now and honestly really really hard all of a sudden. In the matter of days I have seen my future not looking so clear and it is really scaring me! I have been so excited about the end of school coming up and now that it is here I am freaking out. I have come to the realization that I am not doing well in school this semester and now it is coming to kick me in the butt. I may be getting two C's this semester (Mind you, I am the girl who had never received a B until I began at UTA) which in return would more pretty much remove my chances of getting into grad school. . It would take away my automatic acceptance and they don't often let people in who are not automatically accepted.

To make things worse I took a final for one of the classes in question today. It was a stats test which for the most part I really get. They just trip me up on the wording of True and False questions. Well I felt really good about the test until I get to the end and the last 6 questions all have to do with the same problem and the formula I need to do the problem is not on the formula sheet! I e-mailed my professor to bring this to her attention so that hopefully those problems will be thrown out, otherwise I missed 15 points right there and have no hopes for getting an 84 like I needed. I have two more finals on Wednesday and then I will know by the18th at the latest how I did.

This morning before the test I just spent some time reading Scripture and journaling. I was thinking about the fact that in the past 19 months there has not been a day that's gone by that I have not felt that this is exactly where I am suppose to be, that I am doing exactly what I'm suppose to be doing. If I believe that, I must believe that this will work out for the glory of the King, that this is part of HIS plan. I'm just really struggling right now!

#27

2008-11-27T17:04:00.003-06:00

Well this is Thanksgiving #27 for Me. I don't remember the early ones but over the past few years I really do try to sit back and think about what I am thankful for. Since this is my 27th year to give thanks I thought I would list my top 27 things I'm thankful for (they are in no particular order) So here is my list this year...

1. That I am healthy (no major doctor visit in 2008!)
2. My girls here in Texas (Arianne, Holly, Maranda, Sarah and Theresa) I don't know how I would be able to get through the day to day without them
3. My "sisters" (Em and Les) who truly have become the sisters I never had
4. The amazing women who became a part of my life in Mankato and continue to love me well (Namely Julie, Melissa, Natalie, and Rachel)
5. The amazing mentors I have had over the years (Jan and Sue)
6. My new small group friends!
7. My new friends from Church
8. The chance I had to go to Thailand twice this year!
9. A car that runs
10. The chance to go back to school
11. My relationship with my brother Marc
12. Down Comforters!
13. Heartlight and all the friends I came out of from there (Carrie, Dustin, Kacie, Matt, Sam, and my amazing roomies!)
14. Heartlight and the girls who I was allowed to walk through life with (Amanda, Christa, Denele, Janelle and Melissa!) O how I love and miss this girls!
15. Having a place to go "home" to for Christmas
16. My short time at Senator Kim Brimer's office
17. Mirage paper co. Jumbo Journals
18. Gas prices being $1.62
19. CUTE SHOES in size 5
20. 6 weeks of Christmas Break!
21. The guys in my life who have shown me what it looks like to be a man who follows after God's own heart (Bob, Joel, Joshua, Marti, Nick), these guys who have helped set the standard for me
22. Thai food!
23. Sonic Diet Coke with white coconut
24. My nanny
25. Music and my ipod!
26. Bath and Body Works lemon lip gloss
27. I left the thing I am most thankful for last.... My relationship with the Lord. He has saved me and continues to show me mercy and grace. I am so very thankful for that, without that relationship I would not have this list!

Thanksgiving...

2008-11-23T21:13:00.004-06:00

So last night my small group and I had "Practice Thanksgiving", We were able to try out the new recipes that you don't want to mess up on the big day. It was a fun night (once I got there, I was pretty lost and in a bad mood by the time I got there but still had fun...) Here are some pictures from that night.

It is crazy to me that Thanksgiving is this week already! I'm going to go volunteer the morning of Thanksgiving and I'm super excited about that. And that is just the beginning of the fun festivities for the weekend. Be sure to be looking on here come the end of the week for an update of all the fun Thanksgiving festivities! I hope that you are all able to relax and truly be thankful this week!

A few random thoughts...

2008-11-18T15:03:00.003-06:00

So I have had lots on my mind as of lately and I'm home sick in bed today so I thought I would write them down...

First, what are the rules for liking someone that a friend of your likes? Say that person in question has never shown interest in said friend? I've seen this happen a few times in my life with people around me, but I just don't know what the rules are. Is he off limits? Or am I free to date said person if asked out? This is all hypothetical (but if you ask I'll tell you the details), and I just wanted to know what other peoples' thoughts are. So far I've gotten a wide range of opinions on this one!

I've decided to go home for Christmas (Em if you are reading this before I talk to you, I am coming!). I have gone back and forth on this, I didn't think I would have the money to go home, and then I decided to use my miles and the dates were blacked out. I tried to convince myself that I would be ok being here for Christmas but I just couldn't convince myself. I did not want to spend Christmas alone, so I decided I would do whatever it took to make it home. I ended up being able to use my miles and I'm looking forward to spending Christmas with people I love!

Thanksgiving is only 9 days away! This year I am going to be going with a friend of mine to deliver Thanksgiving dinners to needy families around the city. An organization here in town is making over 2000 dinners and then delivering them to people around the city. I'm excited to serve in this way on Thanksgiving! With not having any family here and no commitments I think this is a great way to serve others on this day!

After Thanksgiving I only have 1 week of school left! And then let the reading a relaxing begin. If you have any good books that you think I should read during this time let me know! So those are some of the crazy thoughts floating around in my head....

Change...

2008-11-11T21:36:00.003-06:00

Well it's been awhile again (I promise I will get better at this thing), I would say that I haven't had much to write about but that would be a lie, I would say I haven't had time but that too would be a lie. The truth is that I just haven't wanted to sit down and get my thoughts together enough to write. I sometimes feel as though my thoughts are so jumbled that it would take too much energy to get them out coherently. But this is my attempt.

I feel like I am learning a lot! I feel as though I have been learning a lot over the past few years and especially in the past 6 months! I am learning more about who I am, what I desire, what I want my life to look like. I am learning how to be a better me (hopefully). I'm excited about all that I am learning and am excited to put in all into practice! I feel as though I am growing into the person I want to be.

I've made some new friends over the past couple of months that I am so thankful for. As I stated before I joined a small group back in August and since then I have really connected with a couple of those girls, we've gone from being in small group together to being good friends! I feel as though we have been learning together and able to encourage one another along in this journey of learning. We just finished a study tonight about what our image reflects. Tonight was very interesting, we talked about how as women we are called to be life-givers, not only physically but also emotionally and spiritually. We are called to give-life (encourage those around us) and how our words can either be life-givers or life-takers. I was taken aback by this truth. I know how people (my mom in particular) have taken life (joy, encouragement, etc) from me by the words that they have spoken. On the other hand I have had a number of women in my life who have given me life through their words. I pray that I would be conscious of how my words effect those around me and that I would be a life-giver. All that said I am so thankful for these new friends in my life. They have helped push me to a new level of learning.

There has been a lot of change in my life as of lately also. Both in circumstances and my thinking. The circumstantial change has come from a change in my internship. Last Tuesday caused a lot of change in my life. The Senator that I was interning for did not get re-elected, and therefore I have had to change locations. On Monday I began my first day at Texas Re-entry Services, an agency that works with prison inmates who have been recently released from prison. We help them have a successful transition back into society. I'm excited to learn these skills and beleive that this will help me help Marc.

Something else I've been thinking about since last Tuesday is my past. There has been a lot of hurt and a lot of mistakes but I know that this is all part of the process to get me to where I am today. I have spent so much of my life shaming myself and feeling guilty, but I have realized that this does no good. There are only a few people in my life who know all the dirty details of my life becasue I have been ashamed or afraid to share these things. I've realized I have been forgiven and therefore do not need to live in the shame but instead need live in the glory of God. I did some dumb things last week but I can see that I have been growing and learning in how I responded to those things. Instead of feeling shamed by them I was able to seek God, I was able to talk through those things with the people around me and know that these things do not define me.

On the school front I am officially ready to be DONE! I know it's just the time of the year but I am ready to be done! I officially have my grad application in (I'm not too worried because I should have automatic acceptance) and I can not stop thinking about how I want May 2010 to be here so badly! There is only 3 weeks left of the semester and then I have almost 6 weeks off! I've started a list of books to ready during this time! I am SO SO SO excited for this time off!

Well that's all for now. I have more but that will leave me some to write for next time.

The Secret Life...

2008-10-20T21:40:00.003-05:00

On Friday night I saw the movie The Secret Life of Bees it was such a good movie! I left the theater with tear streak cheeks and many thoughts swirling around in my head. I highly recommend you go see this movie although I am sure it will not effect you as it did me. See the lead character Lilly (Dokata Fanning) and I have a lot in common. At one point Lilly is crying and says something along the lines of Why do neither my parents love me? Why didn't either of my parents want me? These questions resonated in my heart, because I have asked them a number of times myself.

I feel as though I am in one of the best spots I have ever been and therefore this did not rock my world as it may have a few years back. I am at a point that I can look at my life and my experiences and see God's glory in the midst of the pain. I have been able to see how God has pursued my heart over the years. And how out of that I have learned how to love. I have realized that there are some things in my life that I keep secret. Things from my past that I have thought haven't effected my life, but I was obviously wrong. Issues from these things continue to arise and I've realized that I need to finally reveal the secrets and begin the healing process once and for all. I'm so excited about where the Lord has me right now and as hard as I know these next weeks, months and possibly years are going to be, I'm excited to see the victory on the other side of this!

Some things change...

2008-10-08T21:32:00.002-05:00

Tonight I paid $2.95 for a gallon of gas! I once thought that I would never see it below $3.00 again. I am sure that the prices will not stay this low but I was very excited to see $2.95 on the gas sign! Gas prices seem to be a picture of my life, always changing and unpredictable!

I made pumpkin muffins yesterday which meant pulling out the old journals to find the one with the recipe in it. As I was going through my journals I found some very interesting things. I found a letter I had written to my mom about a month before the last time I went home. It was interesting to see the things I had asked of her and my desires for my trip home and then to read later about how that trip actually went. It was fun to read about how God had answered (or not answered) my prayers. It was fun to read about the different relationships that have been a part of my life over the years. It was interesting to see that some of the things I struggle with today are the same things I struggled with three, four, five years ago (will I ever defeat these things?!?!).

Journaling is such a release for me, and I love to be able to go back and see where I have come over the years! One thing I am very thankful at this point in life is that my life is not constantly changing. I've lived in the same house for more than a year now (which is the first time in 11 years!) I have no plans to move anywhere for at least another year and half. I know that I will be in school for the next 19 months. Once this season of school is over I know that there will be life change once again with hopefully the beginning of a new job. And let's be honest I would REALLY be ok with a life change that involved a diamond ring and an amazing man! But I will say, I am content with the fact that my life is a little stable right now!

Relationships...

2008-10-02T18:25:00.007-05:00

Today I went to a fancy luncheon for Safe Haven of Fort Worth. Safe Haven is a women's shelter for women who have left an abusive relationship. They offer not only shelter but also services to get these women back on their feet. It was a great luncheon! Patricia Heaton (who you may know better as Debra on Everyone Love's Raymond) was the guest speaker and she was great. At times she had me wiping away the tears and at other times I was bent over in laughter. Patricia spoke about how important relationships are in ones life. She shared some stories of significant relationships in her life. It was truly inspirational!

Relationships are a topic that has been on my heart lately. I just finished reading The Shack by William P. Young. This was an amazing fiction book that spoke of relationships. In the forward there was a line that I loved. "I suppose that since most of our hurts come through relationships so will our healing." I am amazed by the truth of this statement. I have been deeply hurt by many relationships in my life, but most of the healing from those hurts has come through relationships with people who have loved me enough to walk through those hurts with me!

I am so thankful for those people who have helped to heal those hurts in my life and I pray that I will be able to walk through some of those things with people that I love. A girl that has become such a part of my life and heart called me last week to tell me that she believes that God used me (and a little care package I sent her) to show her His love here on earth. I did not know but she has been struggling through some really hard things lately and the fact that I care about her spoke God's love to her. I had tears streaming down my face as she told me this. What a privilege to be able to love someone through hurt and pain. What a privilege to be for someone what so many women have been to me in my life!

I think the thing that I am learning is that in order for me to be in relationship with others and to love others I must first be in relationship with Christ and love Christ. These past two-ish months I have grown deeper with Christ, He has been teaching me so much. I've had to step outside of myself and love those around me. Through my relationship with Christ and only through that relationship will I be able to be in relationship with others and love others well. He is the ultimate example of what love looks like, now may I just model that...

Things unexpected

2008-09-28T16:32:00.004-05:00

A friend of mine wrote a blog entitled Unexpected Things and it really got me thinking. She talked about all of the things that have happened over the past year that were unexpected. That along with some conservations I've had lately have made me think about how God has been working in my life over that past few years... So here is a list of unexpected things that have happened in my life over the past few years...

The first thing that comes to mind (and is the major thing that has me where I am at today) is me leaving staff with Campus Crusade for Christ. While I do love this ministry I know that leaving staff was one of the best decisions of my life. Through a lot of wise council I realized that there is a much bigger arena of people that my life can influence than those people on a college campus. The first of many unexpected things. With that decision came the unexpected decision to go back to school. And with that decision came the decision to move to Texas. SO many unexpected things in such a short amount of time. Again I think the combination of these decisions have been VERY significant in my life!

The next unexpected thing was my stay in the hospital a little over a year ago. That really was a crazy time in my life! I had an allergic reaction to a antibiotic and my kidneys shut down. I spent 5 days in the hospital with a tube down my throat not knowing what the next day would look like. Luckily there was a specialist there who knew what was going on and we were able to catch it before it caused permanent damage to my kidneys.

Another unexpected thing that happened was that I truly love school this time around! I love learning more about how to help people and how to be the best social worker I can be. Although not exactly a big thing in my life it was unexpected!

I had the chance to go to Thailand twice this year! Thailand has become a land that I love! I feel in love with the people who will always be a part of my heart. I had so many amazing experiences in this land of smiles! I can not begin to explain how amazing these trips were. I learned so much during my time there. Since being back I have seen what the Lord was teaching me while over there. It's amazing how the Lord can use such hard times to teach one so much.

I am working at a State Senator's office. I never ever would have thought that would be something I would want to do! But here I am a month into my internship and loving it. I know that this is not what I want to do but it has been a good experience and I think will help me be a better professional in the end.

So those are some of the unexpected things that have happened over the past yearish! It is amazing to see how all these little unexpected things work together to bring me to the place that I am at. I feel as though I am at a spot in my life where I am truly happy. Yes I'm excited about more unexpected things to happen (read.. I meet someone I want to spend my life with) but I am so excited about where the Lord has me at right now! I'm learning what it looks like to love well and walk in the reality of unexpected things!

Omnivore meme

2008-09-24T07:28:00.003-05:00

This Omnivore 100 meme from Omnivore Herbivore Carnivore, in turn via Andrew at Very Good Taste.How It All Works:

1) Copy the list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3) Cross out (or italicize) any items that you would never consider eating

The 100
1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart (and got very sick afterwards in Brasil!)
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes (Some of my favorite!)
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans (I mean I live in Texas!)
25. Brawn or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float (I introduced this to the Thai's this summer!)
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted Cream Tea
38. Vodka Jelly/Jell-O
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects (They were covered in Chocolate)
43. Phaal
44. Goat's milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth $120 or more
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear (It's sad I haven't had this since it is the Texas state fruit!)
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald's Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian (I DO NOT recommend this... unless of course you like the way bug spray tastes!)66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain (Yum, Yum, Yum!)
70. Chitterlings or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost or brunost
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang Souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom Yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. 3 Michelin Star Tasting Menu
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake
How many have you eaten?!?!

I thought I would add a few of my other random eats on here also
1. Gelatinous pig's blood
2. Fish Brains
3. Thai ice cream sandwich (Sweet rice & ice cream on a dinner roll)
4. Tom Kong Hur Pa (aka Fish head soup!)

September...

2008-09-17T10:35:00.004-05:00

So I seriously keep thinking to myself that I need to blog and update this thing and I suppose today is the day! It's only been almost a month, it looks as though this will be a monthly update...

Well my trip to Minnesota for Labor day was amazing. I was able to spend some time with my best friend Emily which was so good! At one point someone asked us how we knew each other and we were able to share that fun story. See Emily and I have been friends since Kindergarten! We were friends all throughout elementary school. In 5th grade I think I spent more time at her lake house than I did at my own house. At the end of that year some things happened in my life that moved me to Florida. During my 10 years in Florida Emily and I kept in touch by means of written letters and random phone calls (this was pre e-mail and free cell phone long distance!). During that time I went up to Minnesota a few times and Em came to Florida a few times. Then when I transferred to Minnesota State University I moved in with her. Since then her family has become my family and I am truly grateful for each one of them! Over the past 17 years since I first moved to Florida Emily and I have gone through a lot! It has been amazing to see how God continues to use us in each others lives. I feel as though I am closer to her now than I have ever been! So all that said it was SO good to go and spend some time with her and her husband! Some of the highlights from the weekend were the State Fair, the Perry wedding and Julie's Baby shower!

Since being back I have really jumped into the new school year full force! I'm in my 3rd week of my internship which I am enjoying. I have been assigned a few cases and have attended a couple of meetings with coalitions in Tarrant County. One of my job responsibilities is to meet with directors of non-profits here in Tarrant County. It has been very interesting to hear about all the different organizations that are here. The office is also giving me lots of opportunities. Next week they are paying for me to go to a eating disorder symposium and will pay my way if there are other things I want to go to in the future. Also I get the opportunity to go to a benefit dinner next week. I have really been enjoying it!

Other than that not to much is new. I've become that girl who goes to bed early to get up early! I have been working out each morning before class which has been so good! I usually get up at 4:30 and read/journal for an hourish and then go to school where I run (yes I've been running also...who am I?!?!) to the gym where I work out for about an hour and half then run back to school and clean up and go to class at 8. Even though I am getting up so early working out has given me so much more energy! (And I usually get a Diet Coke from Sonic before I go to the office). So anyhow that is my life right now. I will try to update more often so that these are not so long! And it won't be a monthly update...

The life of Jen...

2008-08-22T21:40:00.007-05:00

It's been awhile since I've written and lots has been going on in my mind and heart in the past weekish, so I thought I would try to sum it up here...

First, I began going to a new small group about 3 weeks ago, and I am loving it. It is a group of about 6-10 single women around my age. I instantly connected with these women and it has been sweet to meet with them each week. Two weeks ago we began an inductive study of the book Philippians. I have been enjoying digging into the book of the Bible and discussing it with these new friends. Last week was especially good! I love the book of Philippians and it was so good to look into it deeper. We read verses 1-11 and I was very convicted, encouraged and enlightened. I left wondering what my life would look like if I lived a life according to these verses? What would my life look like if I lived as though I KNEW that God has begun a good work in my life and will carry it on until completion? What would it look like if I loved people as Paul loved the people of Philippi? What would it looked like if I always prayed with joy for those I "partner" with (my co-workers, classmates, roommates, friends)? What does it look like to love with all knowledge and discernment? What is the "fruit of righteousness"?!?! Well I'm excited about these new friends and digging into the Word with them! The only down fall last week was that I got pooped on by a bird!

I've been trying to enjoy my last week of summer. I've spent a few days shopping for "professional" clothing (due to the fact that I have to dress up for my internship). Last night my roommates and I went to see Dave Barnes in concert. It was a GREAT concert, he played all of my favorite songs and he is SO funny! These pictures are from the concert. Today I spent the day today getting my hair highlighted and shopping (and I found the greatest sale which made my day!). As much fun as I've had this summer, I am ready to begin school (I never thought I would say those words). I'm even more excited to begin my internship! I talked to my director the other day and she informed me that two of the interns had to drop and therefore it will only be two of us! She said I should be ready for a BUSY semester. I think it will be fun but I know that it is going to be a lot, I'm ready to jump right in!

On more exciting news... I'm going home next week! A week or so ago I was talking to a few of my dear friends and it made me really miss them. That night I realized that I had earned a free ticket from my flights to Thailand, and thought I should use that to go home. So I get to go home for a friend's wedding and another friend's baby shower. I'm going to spend a few days with my oldest and dearest friend Emily, and go to the State Fair with her and her husband! I am very excited to be back in Minnesota for a few days!

Well that's all the updates for now...

My soapbox...

2008-08-10T11:55:00.004-05:00

Well I have been back in the States for a little over a week now! It seems as thoughI have been back much longer than that. Arianne and I said our good-byes to the orphange and then headed to Bangkok for one last adventure. We went to the floating market and then saw Batman at the imax (I know, it was a real cultral adventure!) We stayed awake all night in hopes that we would be able to get back on an American sleeping schedule (it didn't work much for me, last night was my first normal night of sleep!)

Now having been back for some time I have been able to sit back and process some of the trip. The last week really stirred a lot of things within my heart. The team that joined us from England really made me question a lot of things. This team was filled with great people, I just really did not like how they went about many things. They were a team who strongly called themselves Christians and yet they hurt so many people in their actions. I saw within that week why some people stear away from Christianity. My heart broke in many ways in that last week. I saw people who I care about and who do not know Christ be ridiculed, I saw many things that I do not agree with and things that I don't think line up with the Bible. I had many times when I saw or heard things that made me not want to be labeled in the same group of these people. I left not wanting to be a "christian" anymore, but loving and cherishing God and Christ more than I ever had before.

The question that has come up for me in the past week is, what does it look like to follow Christ? How do I love people well? How do I love my enemies? How do I enter into the lives of those around me and allow them to see Christ without belittling them? Over the past few years many things about the "christian" community has bothered me. How can someone who is called to love people hate and belittle those who make differnet choices then they do. I have seen and heard so many people who are living a homosexual lifestyle be hurt by "christians". Are these not people we are called to love? If you use the arguement that they are "living in sin", which one of us is not?!?! Why is their sin greater than any other sin?!?! And anyhow shouldn't that make you love them even more?!?! It seems as though at times "christians" can be the most judging of all people. Doesn't the Bible tell us not to judge others?I know I have been guilty of this in the past and I do pray that I would love everyone and I would not let things such as their religious beliefs, or their sexual orientation, or their political party, or any of these distingushing characterisitics get in the way of me seeing them as people I am called to love!

I often think about how I can turn a conservation into a spiritual conservation with someone, something I learned to do in college. But if I look to change every conservation towards God then my conservation will become irrevelant to many people around me. Yes I believe that it is important to talk about spiritual things around those who do not know Christ, but if that becomes a road block for a relationship with a person than it is not worth it. I will love them and hope that this will open the doors for communication. I don't know if any of this makes sense to anyone outside of my head but it's been a bit of a soap box for me lately.

Well I'm done ranting for now, you may agree with me or you may not (I will still love you!). I have two weeks until I start school and am taking those weeks to get some of the things I've wanted to do done. This past week I rearranged my room and chopped all my hair off (pictures will be posted soon!) I love all of you who are reading this!

2 days left...

2008-07-29T05:26:00.002-05:00

So I realized today as I laid in bed (which I have done most of the day due to being sick) and realized that we only have two days left here at Care Corner Orphanage! I have not seen the children in what seems like forever due to our visit to the Karen hill tribe and surrounding villages. I missed them so much during those few days and can not imagine how my heart is going to ache when I say good-bye in two days! But let me tell you about my weekend.

The week was filled with many joyful moments, many scary moments, many frustrating moments, and many eye opening moments. The weekend was a struggle for me for a few reasons both emotionally, physically and spirituality. We took two vans and one SUV up to the border of Thailand and Mymnar (currently Burma). We ate lunch at the pastor's house and then went to the local school. While at the pastor's house we were able to talk with him and hear talk about what the village is like. He told us he is paid 1000 Baht (about $32) and a bag of rice a month!Then we were able to hand out the shoes, socks and backpacks we had brought along. It was a sweet time to see such beautiful faces!

From there we went to another Karen village and boy was it an adventure to get there. It is currently the rainy season in Thailand and the road leading to the village in a dirt road, and it up a mountain! Because of my back I was instructed to ride in the SUV while the rest of the team had to ride in the back of two pick-up trucks! On the way up the roads were completely muddy and there were two foot ruts in the road. On one side you a steep slope down the mountain and on the other side a stone wall. There were a few time I feared for my life! When we got the the village I saw a sight I will never forget! It was the most remote village I have ever had the privilege to visit. The mud was everywhere and we just embraced it. We slipped and slided both up and down a large hill that lead from the pastors house to the church. Meanwhile some of the sweet local women would grab our hands and lead us the right way. The night service that first night was long and we were all very tired. We then headed to the places we would sleep. We were broken up into groups of 6 and sent to different houses that were graciously given up for us to sleep in. The next day we got up and had a medical clinic ( the pastor is also the doctor of the village and one of the members of the British team is a doctor). This is when the sickness set in for me. I helping to fill scripts of the doctor and all of a sudden I felt as though I was going to pass out and or throw up. I had woken up with what felt like the start of a sore throat and now these symptoms were too much. I decided to go back to where we slept and lay down. I slept for about two hours and the Et came to check on me and bring me some bananas (oh how I love and will miss this amazing woman!) We then ventured back on the death roads back into "town". There I found some cough drops (which were being sold as candy) and took some Advil. We then stopped at a near by village for another medical clinic and then headed home.

So that is what happened but there is so much more that I do not know how to explain. How do you explain the beautiful faces of men, women and children I encountered this weekend? How do I explain the need for water in this village? How do I explain the heart breaking faces of the clients of the medical clinics? Men and women who do not have access to simply medicine. A woman who cut her foot and now it is infected because she doesn't have anything to clean it out with. Men and women who complained of neck, back or leg pain but could not take to advice of the doctor not to lift anything heaving because they can not afford to not work one day. So many simple things we take for granted. How do I explain the struggles of my heart? How do I explain the questions that have arisen in my mind? Maybe one day I will be able to... until then I will just have to wrestle with these things...

Emotions....

2008-07-24T20:07:00.002-05:00

I sit here in the office of Care Corner Orphanage with tears rolling down my face, there are so many emotions going through my mind right now. I'm listening to one of my favorite songs, You Said by Shane & Shane, a song that has always been precious to my heart. O, how I ask for the nations and here I am serving God in a Nation that need Jesus so much. Today we are preparing to leave to go to Mymnar. I can not express how excited I am to go and serve these people who have so little. To go and serve them in whatever ways we can. We are bringing nets, shoes for the 240 children at the school, 3 tons of rice, we are going to build a water tower,we are setting up a medical clinic, doing puppet shows for the children and just going to love and serve anyway we know how!

Last night was so sweet to my heart! I love how these sweet children worship here! I walked into the worship service last night and it just brought joy to my heart. These children were singing, their arms raised in worship, swaying back and forth and jumping around. They give a new meaning to dancing and singing to the Lord. It was so sweet to hear the music of familiar songs and to praise the Lord. Tears came to my eyes and I saw these children worshipping the same God that I worship in such a sweet way!

As excited as I am to be here, to have this opportunity to serve, my heart aches for things back home. I just received some very upsetting news about my brother and I my heart aches for him. I long to be able to tell him that I love him! I have been getting more and more homesick! I miss people, I miss being surrounded by people who speak my language, I miss people who know my heart, I miss being able to pick up the phone and hearing the sweet voices of my Friends, I miss Tuesday nights at OTB with the girls.

My mind has been very distracted by other things lately also, things I thought would not be an issue while over here. But I guess sometimes you cannot run from your thoughts. I have been praying that I would live in the here and the now and focus on what I am here for. The Lord is teaching so much and I don't want to take any of that away from Him because I am consumed with thoughts that I have no control over. So I guess I would love to ask that if you are the praying type that you would keep me in your prayers over this next week. Please pray that I would focus on the Lord, on what He is doing here. Also my back is not doing the greatest, in fact it has been hurting VERY bad lately. Please pray that I would begin to feel better!

I am so very excited to share even more about what God is doing here with you!

The Best Day...

2008-07-21T05:51:00.003-05:00

These three words came out of the mouth of our fellow volunteer many times on Friday. Ricky took all five of the volunteers out for the day and Christy continued to say that it was the best day. And I would agree with her!

First we went to Ricky's house to meet up with him and his wife and then we headed out for the day. We first went to a cave which was pretty amazing. We walked up many steps and then down many steps into the cave. I had such mixed emotions as we entered the cave. First I was amazed at how beautiful it was! It was a huge cave that was all naturally made... it was beautiful. But my heart was also filled with sadness, all throughout the cave were large idols. There were buddha statues and little figurines and places to light candles and incense to buddha. Idol worship is very real here, there are idols everywhere and they even have little house that are meant for the demons. It was so sad to me to see all of these idols in a place that God has created so beautifully! I began to think about in the old testament when it talks about going to the caves to worship false idols, this gave me a very real picture of that. I was an amazing experience!

Then we went to the Hot Springs. Here we boiled eggs in the hot springs! And then ate them with soy sauce while our feet soaked in the cooler part of the hot springs. We then went and took a mineral bath which I must say was just AMAZING!!

Afterwards we came back to Chiang Mai and had Japanese food which was extremely good! It was my first sushi experience which turned out to be very good. We then went back to Ricky's house for coffee and to relax a bit, while there we got some amazing news. Ricky decided to rearrange the schedule so that we would be able to go on a trip to Mymnar! They were planning on going the day before we leave but he rearranged and we will now be able to go! I'm so excited!!! And then that we went to the Night Bazaar where we shopped, and bargained with the locals (I do love this about foreign countries!) and then we had just enough time to get a 30 min foot massage and can I say it was 30 minutes of heaven!

So that was our best day! The next day was long (I didn't sleep at all due to a Thai tea at supper and then coffee!) and it was sad to see Holly leave. She left to go go home Saturday night. Sunday after the service we went and got Thai massages! And let me tell you they were AMAZING!!! It was 100Baht for 1 hour which is about $3! Arianne and I took one of the older girls here at the orphanage and got her one also and she loved it!

All in all in was a good weekend! We teach tomorrow and Wednesday and then a team gets here on Wednesday and we will be on a new schedule. I'm sure I'll have lots of fun stories for you!

They are so strong!

2008-07-17T00:42:00.004-05:00

So we have offically been at the Orphanage for 1 week now, and it seems as though I have spent my life here! These children have become such a part of my heart. I wake up exicted to see their smiling faces and joy overflows my heart as they grab me by the hand and lead me somewhere to play. Everyday here I realize how hard it is going to be to leave.

On Sunday at the church service they begun by praying for different people. Ladee (our sweet friend who translates for us) was telling us different people to pray for. One of these people was Jai. Jai is a young man who is staff at Care Corner Orphange. Jai grew up at the orphanage since he was a young boy. Now Jai's mom is sick and he has had to go take care of her. I was thinking about that and how hard that must be. To live your whole life feeling rejected by your family and then have to go back help them when they are in need. I think about my own situation and wonder how hard that must be. I don't know if I would be strong enough to do that.

Well anyhow... tomorrow we are going to a Cave and Hot Spring and then to get Thai massages! Ricky is taking us volunteers on a day trip before Holly leaves on Saturday. I'm so excited about that! Here are some of the sweet children I have come to love....

Pim

Net

Apple

The little things...

2008-07-13T22:47:00.002-05:00

I always come on trips like this wanting to serve and love the people I am surrounded by. I always ended up receiving more from those people then I feel I have given. We have only been at the Orphanage for 5 days and I already feel as though I have been given so much and have learned so much about what it looks like to serve and love well.

I am amazed each day at how content these children are, they have so little and yet have so much love and joy. They will take you by the hand and walk with you, sit with you and just be. They find great joy in playing hand games, hopscotch (Which it turns out I am NOT good at), coloring or playing simple games. They do not watch Tv or have the little things we take for granted and yet they are so content. Yesterday we took some of them swimming and they just LOVED it. Just the simple thing! It has made me think so much about my lifestyle back home. Why don't I spend more time just being with people I love? Two of my dear friends live .6 miles away and I see them maybe 2 times a week. We feel as though we have to have something to do. I pray that I would simplify my life when I get back to Fort Worth, spending more time with people and just being. I can not speak to these children so the only way I can love them is to be with them, and that means so much to them. I pray I would seek opportunities to go and spend time with those unloved ones in Fort Worth.

It has been fun to see how these 70 children really are a family. The older kids help to care for the younger ones and they all look out for each other. They older ones will help iron clothes for the younger ones. There is one girl Pim, whom we have all fallen in love with, she can not hear very well and therefore cannot hear the dinner bell. Someone will always find her and tell her to line up (if they don't line up in time they miss the meal). They just all help each other out. It is amazing to see the unity of all of them!

I am falling more and more in love with these people. I am learning more about them each day. I leave in just under 3 weeks and I already know it will be so HARD to say good-bye. It will be another lesson I will have to learn. How to continue to love these sweet people while I am in Fort Worth, Texas!

1000 words...

2008-07-11T02:18:00.010-05:00

Here is our trip in pictures so far...
Us at the Hostel as we arrive in Bangkok...

As little lounge area at the Hostel... The Sky Train...we became pros!
I sat, and no monks came by so I stayed seated!!

The Train to Ko Phan Nan (aka The Beach!)

The a 4 hour boat ride to the island...

Which was Beautiful!

Finally to our Bungalow!
Like I said BEAUTIFUL!

We found a Big swing!

This was the BEST meal! Good drinks, good food, good ice cream!
The pool we snuck into....

The strom was a brewing....
And then the rain came....
But we still got some good beach time!

These drinks were STOUT!!!!
Waiting for the train, we were SO tired!

KohSan Road!

Thai Ronald!

Today had been an intresting eating day! We had hamburgers for Breakfast! And then

Ice cream sandwiches (Literally!) They were buns with ice cream and sweet rice! SO

GOOD!That's all for now! I'm loving it more everyday!

Here at last...

2008-07-10T01:00:00.003-05:00

Well we arrived safe and sound last night into Bangkok after a one hour plane ride (which was such a treat after the LONG travels we have been doing!) My dear friend Ladee pick us up from the airport and we got into the back of a truck that had been converted into a place to ride. On a funny note as soon as Ladee hugged me she said "What is wrong with your face?!?!" All of our faces are peeling and I'm sure it looks weird, I just loved the bluntness of it!

It was so good to travel through Chiang Mai and catch up with this dear friend of mine! We got back to the orphanage after all the children were asleep and headed to bed ourselves, we were exhusted! We woke up this morning to children play outside. We got up, went down stairs and I saw so many of the sweet faces that I fell in love with. My heart leaped with joy! The children are all at school right now and in about an hour we will be going over for our first day of teaching.

It has been so fun to be here with two of my roommates. To be able to experience this with them. I love traveling especially with sweet friends. So many memories and laughter comes from these experiences. It has been fun to see what each of us are experiencing through all of this also. Three different experiences, three diferent views. If you want to read some of thier blogs (Arianne has written very detailed ones if you want all the fun details of the trip) Go here for Arianne's and here for Holly's

God's Beauty....

2008-07-09T00:10:00.004-05:00

Well I have now been in the Land of Smiles (aka Thailand) for almost a week. I feel as though we have done so much and seen so much already. We got to our Hostel late on the 4th of July,where we spent the night in a cute little hostel. On Saturday we spent the day exploring the Bangkok (the HUGE outdoor market!) and then we boarded a train and headed south to the BEACH! The trip was LONG but it was well worth it! We spent 12 hours on a train (trying to sleep most of the time) and then we got on a bus for about another couple of hours then on a boat for the 4 hours trip to the island we were staying on! The beach was beyond words, I felt as though God was giving me a glimpse into Heaven. The next two days were spent laying out on the beach and at the pool. We ate Pad Thai and enjoyed cocktails on the beach. What more could a girl want?!?! It rained the last day we were there but we just went to a little bungalow and read our books as the storm was brewing all around us. It was a great little get-away!

Whenever I spend time in places as beautiful as this I become overhelmed by the beauty of the Lord. I am reminded that the Lord is so big and mighty and He is BEAUTIFUL! I pray that I will remember this truth as I go back to Fort Worth!

Tonight we are getting on a plane and flying to Chiang Mai! My heart is SO excited to be back at the orphanage. Don't get me wrong this girl LOVES the beach, but I have been longing to get to the orphanage and seeing the sweet faces of the children I feel in love with back in March! I pray that the Lord would use these next few weeks to teach me more about His beauty and His love.

I will be able to put pictures up shortly so be looking forward to that!

Thailand here we come...

2008-07-02T08:01:00.005-05:00

In 24 hours I will be at the airport waiting for to leave for Thailand! I am so excited to be able to go back to this place I have come to love! I've been packed since last week (I bought a new pack and wanted to make sure everything would fit in it). We have all of our stuff ready to go and we will be off in less than 24 hours. Our flight leaves tomorrow (July 3rd) at 9:20 in the morning and we travel for about 26 hours and we get into Bangkok at 11:25 pm on Friday (it is exactly 12 hours later there). The plan is to spend the night at a hostel Friday night, spend the day in Bangkok on Saturday seeing the sights and then we are taking a train to Koh Phangan island. While there we will be staying in this little bungalow on the beach!

From there we will take the train back to Bangkok and spend another day there before flying to Chiang Mai. While in Chiang Mai we will be staying at Care Corner Orphanage (which is where I stayed back in March). I'm so very excited about this opperunity! I am hoping to be able to upload pictures and blog often so keep your eyes open!

Leaving on a...hot air balloon?!?!

2008-06-24T19:24:00.007-05:00

Thailand here I come!! Things have changed once again and the good news is I am going to Thailand! Holly, Arianne and I will be flying out on next Thursday (July 3rd). I'm so excited that this has all worked out. We are taking a bit of a step of faith by going since all of our support is not in but my church is "floating" us the money until it comes in. To say the least I am super excited! This means that I have a lot to do in the next 8 days! Any how just wanted to update everyone...

On other news I went to a Hot Air Balloon Festival this past weekend. It was so much fun and made me really want to go on a Hot Air Balloon ride! Enjoy the pictures!

Summer plans...

2008-06-20T16:26:00.003-05:00

The summer plans may have changed. It seems as though things for Thailand may not be working out as thought. Which if I have learned anything over the years it is that I am sure that this is all part of the Lord's plan. As sad as I am that we may not being going back to the Country that I fell in love with, I must trust this is the Lord's way of protecting us.

One of the things I have been thinking a lot about lately is my own story. As many of you know I have a very intresting story and the Lord has done a lot in my life. I have been through more in my 27 years than most people go through in their entire lives. As I said in my last blog I have been reading a lot of memoirs lately and I have decided to write my own. I've decided that I will now have plenty of free time this summer if we do not end up going to Thailand and I will use that time to write out my own story. I'm not a great writer but mostly this will be for my own healing. I've realized that there are many things in my life that I have not spoken to anyone, ever. Something that I continue to read in these books is how secrets are a disease and the only cure is honesty. So this is my chance to work on that cure...

I don't know if I will ever let anyone read this, I do think it would be amazing to maybe someday submit it to publishers but mostly this will be for me. I'm excited to begin this process! Maybe I'll put glimpses of it up on here...

life update...

2008-06-11T09:32:00.002-05:00

Wow, it's been a long time since I have written on here. I thought I would give a little update about what has been going on for the past two months!

April was pretty uneventful, busy for me but uneventful. The last two weeks of school I had 3 research papers and presentations of those papers due, along with finals. One thing I really enjoy about my social work classes is that for the most part the professors say find a topic that interests you and write a paper about how it impacts social work. One of those papers has inspired a lot of reading and if I may say so myself was a pretty darn good paper. The paper was on self-injury amongst adolescents. Until my time at Heartlight I never understood how big of a problem this truly is. The statistics show that 1 in every 10 adolescent girl has self-injured at some point in their lives. And this is only from those that have reported it. This is a very serious topic that I have found myself burdened for. I have known a number of girls (and women) who have/do self-injure. Anyhow I know that this will be a topic that I continue to research. In the past month or so I have read a number of books about drug addiction, self-injury and basically just the pain of this world. As many of you know I have experienced a lot of pain in my short 27 years of life, and it is only by God's grace that I have not turned to drugs, alcohol or self-injury as a way to cope. Researching these things and hearing peoples stories has heightened my desire to work with these people. It has heightened my desire to walk alongside people who are hurting and struggling and help them get to a better spot. That is why I am back in school getting a degree that will allow me do just that.

Speaking of school, I got my tentative placement for my first internship. It is in the office of senator Kim Brimer. I will be working on his social policy committee. It's interesting because I know that this is not what I want to do in the long run but it will be such great experience to learn the legal and policy side of social work. It will allow me to network and learn how to change different social policies. Senator Brimer is passionate about many of the same things (suicide prevention, human trafficking etc...) that I am and feel as though it will be a great opportunity! I have an interview on Friday and should know within the next couple of weeks if that will be my permanent assignment.

Other notes...
Minnesota... I went back to Minnesota at the beginning of May for a wedding. It was a good trip and I got to spend time with many sweet people. It's always good to go back, it always confirms that I am exactly where I am suppose to be. It was so good to be able to be a part of Rachel and Adam's special day and to spend time catching up with so many friends who are scattered throughout the U.S.

Thug... He is getting so BIG! I will put pictures up here soon. He's doing so good, he's a puppy so he chews everything up but other than that we haven't had many problems. We went rollerblading the other day and he LOVED it.

Floating... Over memorial day weekend myself along with 6 of my friends piled into the Durango and headed south for the weekend. We decided to go camping and float down the guadalupe river and boy was it an adventure! We got there and the campground said if you can find a place to put your tent up you can stay. Well we did find a spot and boy was it CRAZY! Think college spring break x10! There was a dance party in the middle of the camp ground, people smoking and drinking everywhere, girls topless I mean it was CRAZY. Anyhow we floated the next day and then ended coming back that night due to the fact that we knew we would not get any sleep (The music the night before went till about 4:00am). So word to the wise, do not go floating the guadalupe river!

Well that's about all for now, I'm really going to try to be better about keeping up to date on here!

Meet Diger(?!?!)...

2008-04-18T21:01:00.005-05:00

So today Holly and I were out shopping (Tomorrow night we are getting all dressed up and going to the Heartlight Gala! I'm sure I'll write more about that) and on our way home we started seeing signs for a garage sale in our neighborhood. I'm a sucker for a good garage sale so we thought we would stop and see what they had. It turns out that it was Arianne's sister-in-law Emily who was having the garage sale. We ended up stopping to chat with her. Long story short, someone had come by and left a puppy at their house. The lady rescues dogs on a regular basis and was looking for a home for this particular one. Emily thought about keeping the puppy herself but we're pretty sure it is part pit bull and she didn't think it was a wise dog choice with two small children at home. Once that decision was made we decided we would take him home with us. We have been thinking about getting a dog for some time now and this seemed like the perfect opperunity!

So we now have a new addition to our household, and he is SO stinkin' cute! Were not sure how old he is, but I think pretty young. He is white with beautiful brown markings. The markings are brindle tiger stripped,and he has the cutest gray eyes. He is so cute and I just love him already! We think he has been in a fight recently as he has some sore under his arms, but they seem to be healing. We are thinking Diger for a name but we haven't come to a final decision. I'm sure that I will have plenty of fun stories for you as he continues to grow

26...GONE!

2008-04-06T23:20:00.005-05:00

Well it's official... I can longer say that I am 26 years old. I have hit the big 2-7! I've spent a lot of time over the past couple of weeks thinking about what April 5th 2008 would bring. I have learned that I need to prepare my mind and heart for my birthday well in advance, this year being no exception. You see for most people their birthdays are a joyous event spent with friends and family, rejoicing over the fact that they were born. As for me, that's not always been the case. In fact my birthday is the one day of the year I feel the most forgotten. I have ever since I was 11 years old. That was the last birthday that was really special to me, I remember it clearly. We went to Skatin' World and I won the toilet seat race. I thought it was the best day ever. My dad always tried to make that day special for me. My mom never did, in fact it was shocking if she even acknowledged it was my birthday. As I grew older I felt more and more forgotten. It has been five years now since I've received so much as a card from her. These past 4 have been the hardest for me. I am reminded each year that I do not have a mother who will call, I don't have a family to celebrate with, I am reminded of the words that were burned into my heart that day my mother told me what she thinks of on my birthday, and on that one day of the year I have to fight harder than ever to keep away the lies that I'm not worthy of love. I thought this year would be different... and it was, in some ways.

This year the forgotteness and hurt did not come from my mom. All day long I was fine, I think I have done a lot of healing in the past year or so. I know that the things my mom thinks about me are not truth and I have made the right decision to not be a part of her life. This was the first year I was ok with not having that family to celebrate with. But I was hurt and I did feel forgotten, just not by the people I would have expected. There are people in my life, people I interacted with throughout the day, who did not even wish me a happy birthday. There was a phone call from a friend whom I thought was calling to wish me a happy birthday, nope she was calling to see if I wanted to go to the birthday party of another friend. There were just some very hard times within the day. I was surrounded by bitter feelings and tension. I felt like the last place the people I was with wanted to be was where we were at. I felt like spending time with me was an obligation for most of those around me. Maybe I was falling into some lies but there was without a doubt some hurtful things throughout the day. At the very least there was not much love surrounding me. I am so very thankful for the love that was around me. For the phone calls and encouraging words. Thanks to those of you who told me they were glad I was born... I needed to hear those things so much!

I've spent the day thinking and wondering if things will ever be different for me. How different do I need things to be in order for me to be o.k.?!?! And honestly I don't know, and besides what does it even mean for me to be o.k!?!? I'm coming to the conclusion that maybe just maybe things will never look differently and I need to suck it up and learn to be o.k. with this, with what I've got. With the loneliness and being forgotten. I know that I am loved and cherished by my Savior... maybe that's all I get. I have a handful of people in my life who I know love me but some of these same people are the ones who hurt me, and I'm sure at times I have hurt them. I know that this all stems out of my own selfishness, I want to feel wanted, I want to be remembered, I want to be known, I want to be loved... But really, what right do I have to any of these things?!?! Just because it's my birthday does not mean that I deserve these things... Maybe I'll figure things out in the next 363 days and April 5th 2009 won't be such a hard day for me.

The Back...

2008-03-29T00:38:00.002-05:00

So I thought I would write a little update about the whole back situation. It's been about 6 weeks now since I injured my back at work. They had first said that it was a sprain and would heal in a few weeks. Well now six weeks later they have determined that is not true. I had an MRI earlier this week and it showed that I have a bulging disc in my lower back that is pressing on the nerve... Something someone my age should not have. They have referred me to a Orthopedist to see what he can do to help me. My doctor does not think they will have to do surgery but is not sure what they will do. I'm hoping to get in to see the Orthopedist early next week. From the research I have done (which is not much) there is not a whole lot they can do for me...

It has been a roller coaster ride. Some days are better than others but mostly I'm just in pain. They have me on some pain killers but I pray that my life won't be lived on pain killers. I was talking to someone the other day about all of my ailments I've had over the past few years... when can a girl get a break?!?! For the most part I am doing really ok with this one though. I have not allowed my heart to go places it has been before with past things. One thing I am totally thankful for is a diagnosis! No more of this mystery sickness, where we're not sure what is wrong, you are having a 1 in a million reaction and you are a freak of nature stuff! So anyhow that is the story... life is getting back to normal for me. It's just more of a painful normal. I'm having a trial run a work on Monday to see if I am able to go back to work finally. Year 26 has been a rough year for me! Maybe now that it is almost over 27 will treat me better...

Thailand...

2008-03-24T10:00:00.006-05:00

So I just returned from 10 days in a country I have come to love! It was an amazing trip that I will never be able to fully put into words. I will try to give you a glimpse into my time there...

We arrived in Chaing Mai at 12:30 am after being on planes and in airports for over 26 hours. We loaded into a truck and headed to Care Corner Orphanage (CCO), our home for the week. In the morning we had our first Thai breakfast then headed over to met the children. I didn't realize that day how much I would fall in love with these sweet faces! That day we were able to do some dentist work on the children and did a lesson on creation with the rest of the children. It was fun to be able to meet and interact with the 70ish kids at the orphanage.

I would love to introduce you to three people who will forever be inprinted on my heart. Net, Nung and Ladee.

Net is a 13 year old boy who is HIV+. He has been at CCO for 3 years. Net lost both of his parents to AIDS. After his parents passed away he was sent to go live with his grandmother. His grnadmother did not have the resources to take care of him and sent him to live at CCO. Net was very sick when he got to CCO. He was in the last stage of HIV and was not expected to live very long. Becasue of a new drug that they are using at CCO Net is completely healthy today. Net and I connected very quickly. He is such a sweet boy. During the chapel services he would come and sit with me and hold my hand and snuggle up to me. Throughout the week I realized that Net could speak pretty good english. I completely fell in love with this sweet boy!

Nung is a 10 year old girl who is HIV+. She has been at CCO since she was very young. She was found at a hospital with nowhere to go. She is very healthy and has such a sweet spirit! She is a girl who is full of love. She loves hugs and holding hands. She is a girl who is in love with the Lord and has a love for the scripture. She went with us to a Buddhist temple and prayed with us.

Ladee is an amazing women. She is 22 years old and has lived at the orphangae since she was in 2nd grade. Her family lives in a tribal area of Thailand. She has 7 brothers and sisters and her family could not take care of her and sent her to live at CCO. She has one of the most amazing stories I have ever heard! You will have to ask me about it and I will share it with you... Ladee is studying English at the Univeristy and wants to become a teacher. She spent the week translating for us. I was able to spend some time getting to know her and she is AMAZING!

Now as far as some of the things we got to do...

At the orphanage we taught 3 lessons and did some dentist stuff. We basically just spent a lot of time hanging out with the children. Spending time loving these sweet children. The orphanage was an amazing place. There is a boys dorm, a girls dorm and The Rainbow Home which houses this the HIV+ children. Ricky Tan (who runs the orphanage) and his wife Laywa are amazing!

We got to do and see many things... We went and taught english to a group of Thai police. That was a fun experience. We taught them different sayings in order to give directions in english. That day we also went to a local school to teach english. We were able to teach them how to introduce themselves in english. We then got to present the gospel using the Good News bracelet. It was so much fun! It was amazing to see how the kids responded to the Gospel!

One of the experiences that will forever be imprinted in my mind and heart was our trip to the Buddhist Temple. Before we left Ricky prepared us by leading us in worship. He then encouraged us to go into the temple with a quite heart and listen for the Lord's leading. He said that we should go into the temple rejoicing the Lord Jesus Christ. As we went to the temple you could feel the oppression in the place. We went in and sang hymns, read scripture and praised the Lord! It was such a sweet and powerful time. We then met two nuns who we were able to share the Gospel with. Then we got to meet Madam Duang Kum, what an amazing woman! She is 72 years old and has been a Buddhist nun for over 20 years. Within the past year she has accepted the Lord Jesus as her Savior. We were able to talk and pray with her and encourage her in her walk with the Lord. It was a very sweet time!

We drove 5 hours to Petchabun refugee camp. What an experience. We were only allowed to go in for about an hour but we were able to pass out some supplies we brought and were able to encourage the people there. They only let out about 1000 of the 8000 people of the camp. It was such a powerful experience. As we left we were all in tears. These people were suffering so bad and there was not much we could do. I pray that I will not forget what I saw there and I would work to give these people a voice.

Our fun day consisted of riding elephants and bamboo river rafting! It was so much fun to do these things! What an experience!!! We also got to go to some street markets and finished our time at the night bazzar. It was so good to do some of the typical Thai things.

So there really is so many stories I would love to share with you and maybe one day I will be able to share even more. What an amazing experince!

Derek, Beth, Starbucks and tears....

2008-03-10T12:07:00.003-05:00

I had a very sweet weekend and wanted to share a bit of my heart with you...

I was sitting in Starbucks Saturday morning armed with my book, my Bible, my journal, my caramel white mocha and my ipod. I didn't even see it coming but by the time I left my face was tear streaked and my heart was rejoicing. I had one of those sweet moments with the Lord where I just knew life would be ok.

It has been a hard couple of weeks for me. I have not been to work in over 3 weeks due to a back injury. I couldn't even get out of the house for about 2 of those. I have been struggling through some hard stuff not know what was the point of it all. I found out that someone very dear to me tried to take his life in December. I was frustrated at how much pain there is in the world. How Satan is so powerful and can take a hold of people lives. I was tired of feeling unworthy of being loved. I was believing lies and believing that I would always be a victim. That my victimization would haunt me for the rest of my life. I have hurt people in my life because I didn't think I could be loved and therefore pulled away from people.

As I sat at the table Saturday reading a book by Beth Moore called Jesus The One and Only I was reading about how big my God is and how much He truly loves me and wants me to live a life outside of the captivity of lies. I know that the enemy wants me to believe that I'm not worthy and he does a good job at it. I know that I have been being attacked, but on Saturday all I could hear was how I was worth fighting for. How much I am worth to this God that He will fight for my heart. At that point I was listening to Derek Webb and He was singing a song called I will repent. I began to weep as I repented my unbelief. I don't know how long I sat there weeping but I know that it was so good to lay my unbelief down. I felt such a joy come over me.

I love those sweet moments the Lord gives me where I can sit with Him and know that He is good!

The rest of the day was so very sweet to my heart. I was able to spend time with friends and felt as though I was able to truly love them well. I felt as though I was overflowing with love and wanted to love all those around me. We actually went to see Derek Webb in concert that night. It was so good. He did not sing I will repent (which is a good thing because I feel as though I may have lost it again... Crying in Starbucks is one thing, but at a concert is totally different!) It was a fun time to spend with people I love! I felt loved by these people in such a sweet way that night.

I do pray that the Lord will continue to give me an overflowing love that I can love those around me well. I pray that I can love those who are struggling and I pray that I can live in truth. I leave in 3 days for Thailand and I'm excited to see how the Lord uses this love over there. I'm excited to be out of my pit and able to be loved again and able to love others.

As a side note I just got new glasses... here is a picture!

Summer '08

2008-02-20T15:37:00.006-06:00

Well I keep saying that I don't have time to write on here and now I have all the time in the world. I once again throw out my back and am constricted to the house. Sometimes I hate how delicate our bodies can be. So anyhow I thought I would share with everyone what I have been doing since I've been home... looking up vacation spot to go to this summer!

My roommates and i decided that with the $600 rebates we will be getting back from the government we will do exactly what they want us to do with it... Spend it! We're gonna put money back into the economy. We have decided to make Summer '08 the summer of travel. So here are some of the things we plan on doing...

Roadtrip on Route 66 (The Mother Road)... We will be starting in Vintia Oklahoma to visit the worlds largest Micky D's . From there we will be heading west here are some of the things I am most excited to see along the way...

The Foyil Totem Pole park. The Catoosa Blue Whale (I think I am most excited about this!!), The Blue Whale is an 80 foot long grinning blue Whale built by a man for his wife as an aniversary gift. I'm excited to get a $.99 breakfast at Norma's Diamond cafe in Salulpa.

Then supper at Hillbillies B-B-Q in Arcadia after we visit the red round barn. Our next stop will be in the "Big City" Oklahoma City. There are a number of fun things to see here and we will have to use our best discernment as to where to visit. On our way through El Reno we will keep our eyes peeled for the Ghost of Route 66 an elderly hunched back man. Maybe we will see him at the Lake El Reno where we plan on relaxing by the lake, hopefully making friends with some people with a boat. While in Clinton we will have to stop at the offical Route 66 museum and maybe pick up some goodies for those who couldn't make the trip.

We will then enter into Texas where we will see Texas' version of the leaning tower of piza, the leaning water tower of Britten! And then in Amarillo the attraction I am most looking forward to the Cadallic Ranch where we can bring a can of spray paint and leave our mark on an old Caddy. The on our way to Caynon we will stop for a photo op at the Legs Sculpture.

Were not really sure how much further west we are gonna go than this but I am so excited to go!! We are planning on taking pictures of all the old signs and buildings so that is something you can all look forward to.

Our second trip is going to be on a cruise ship. We have decided to go on a cruise to finish off the summer with a bang! We have a few other short trips planned within there also. One to Florida to camp on the beach and I will be spending a few weeks in Minnesota. I'm getting so excited for the summer and for a job that will allow us all to travel and have sun this summer. (I will be donig week long trips with Education in Action and will only be working 4-6 weeks this summer. The rest of the time is for F-U-N!!! I look forward to sharing the excitment with ya'll!!

Weddings & Reunions...

2008-02-12T19:06:00.000-06:00

I feel as though the topic in my world lately has been love. Not my love but the love of those around me. It just seems to be that time of the year. Two of my good friends got engaged a few weeks back. I attended a wedding of a good friend of mine last weekend and it once again seems to be a summer of weddings for me. One of the things that I love about weddings is that they bring people together that have been seperated by life. As I think about the people closest to my heart I realize that we are spread out by thousands of miles. Weddings are the times of the year when we can come together and reunite to celebrate what God is doing in the lives of our friends.

At church a few weeks ago the pastor at a church I was at gave a very intresting sermon. He was talking about sex and relationships. Basically through it all he didn't leave any room for being single. He talked about how our goal should be to married and have lots of sex. This of course didn't leave much room for the almost 27 year old single girl. My roommates and I (4 single 20 something women) talked about how it truely is our desire to be married and yet how sweet this time of singleness is. I can not imagine my life had I have married my college sweetheart at 21. And yet I sit her 6 years wondering if that was infact my only chance at marriage. And if it was am I ok with that?!?! And you know what I think I am. For the first time in my life I am able to say that I am O.K. with being single possibly forever.

And so for now I will rejoice with my friends as they get married. I will enjoy the sweet times that my friends travel miles to be together and we have one night to catch up and rejoice with each other. At least we will get some fun pictures out of the times together. I do love to put on a pretty dress and dance the night away!!

To love well...

2008-01-19T15:31:00.000-06:00

Well I've been back in Texas for a few weeks now, getting back to normal life. I've finished my first week of school and am getting back in the swing of things. As I step into a new year I'm excited about the things that lay ahead. One of those things being my trip to Thailand. As you may or may not know I will be going to Thailand for 10 days in March. I will be spending my spring break traveling over there. I wanted to share a little about about what is going on over there with ya'll...

During my time over there we will be spending five days working at the Huay Nam Khao refugee camp in Phetchabun, Thailand. This camp is a place where Hmong (pronounced "mung") people are being held. This people group have been fleeing Lao since the 70's. They are being persecuted in Lao and are fleeing to the jungles of Lao and to Thailand. The government of Thailand have declared that the Hmong people can not be citizens of Thailand and therefore it is illegal for them to be there. There is a lot of history behind all of this. The Thai government has been putting the Hmong people in refugee camps in the northern part of Thailand. The conditions of these camps is not good, many reports have been filed before the government banned all media from the camp. Although conditions are not, the Hmong people would choose to live here rather then be sent back to Lao. Once they are sent back to Lao they are almost always killed within days. The government has been sending back 160 refugees monthly.

While over there we will be joining a team that has an excellent relationship with the guards of this camp. They have opened up the doors to this team and allow them to do as they please in the camp. We will be joining them to go in and do what we can in five short days to love these people. One of the men going with us is a pediatric dentist, so we will be doing some dentistry work. We will doing some ESL stuff, the details are kind of vague at this point. We will do what is needed and just love on these people. I feel as though the past 26 years of my life I have been learning about what it looks like to love well. I'm excited to go and be able to love these people who may have no idea what love is.

The other part of our time in Thailand will be spent in Chiang Mai. We will be working and staying at Care Corner Orphanage. Care Corner is an orphanage that holds 80 children. These children are either orphaned, living with a disability, or their parents could not take care of them any longer. These children are not waiting to be adopted but rather grown up in the orphanage and develop the skills to survive in the real world. On their website are stories of a few of the children that are there, I am so excited to meet children like Amima.

My heart longs to be help these people and I am so excited to go and love well!

Home Sweet Home...

2008-01-08T09:17:00.000-06:00

Well it has been awhile and I thought it was time to update ya'll on the happenings on my life over the past month or so. My goal is to better about writing on here so we will see how that goes in 2008!

Well I finished classes on December 6. That last week was very hectic and stressful. I had about 45 pages worth of papers to write along with 3 finals (all due on the same day!!!) I was able to get all my stuff done, the papers were some of the best I had written all semester and I did well on my finals. I only had one final during finals week so I rejoiced in the fact that I was done on the 6th. I was looking forward to a long awaited break.

That long awaited break was taken away when I found out I had to take a College Algebra class during the wintermester! I was not happy!! So I was to spend 12 days of my break in a classroom for 4 hours. The class has turned out to be a bit of a joke. I am currently in that class which tells you how much I need to pay attention.

Anyhow the week between classes was spent relaxing! I finished my Christmas shopping and spent a lot of time in bed due to being sick. I think the stress took it out of me physically. On the 21st I left to drive to Little Rock to meet up with Les and Jonathon. We went to bed earlier and headed out about 6:30 the next morning to head to Minnesota for Christmas. At this point I was

very sick and not feeling well, ready to just get to Minnesota. It is normally a 13 hour drive, I was excited to be out of the car. But then we hit a Blizzard outside of Kansas City. We couldn't drive faster then 30 mph. We ended up having to stop and get a hotel. We ordered Pizza and watch tv, all feeling bitter we were not in Minnesota. The next morning we left hoping the roads would be better... they were not. It took us another 8 hours. All in all it was a 32 hour trip!!! The whole way we were saying how much more me appreciate living in the south.

When we finally got to Minnesota we rested and showered and then went to the Vikings game. It was a BAD game but it was fun to be with everyone. I was still very sick though, and I continued to get worse. I spent the next week trying to get better. I went to the Doctor's office on Christmas Eve and got some medicine. So it was a week of rest. I got to spend some time with Em which was great! I also got to spend a night at the Hilton with some women I joined staff with a year and half ago! It was SO good to spend time with these women!!! I then went to Mankato and spent some time with people dear to my heart. On New Years day Melissa was taking me back to Westbrook to meet up with Les and Jonathon so that we could head back south. On our way we spun out and ended up in the ditch. Thank the Lord for a trucker who stopped and pushed us out. I'm not going to lie it was really good to be back in the warm no snow south!!!

So I've been back for about a week now... It has been good to be back in a routine of things. I think I made the decision that I am made for the south and will more than likely not move back to the freezing cold midwest. There are so other exciting things going on but I will save that for another post! So here I am in my math class, ready to home and go on a bike ride (oh yeah I got a new bike!) and enjoy the 75 degree weather!

Christmas...

2007-12-11T19:58:00.001-06:00

Christmas is two weeks away... and yet I continue to pretend like it is not the holiday season, because then I don't have to relive the pain of Christmas past. The two hardest days of the year, every year, are Christmas and April 5th, my birthday. Here I am, less than 2 weeks away from this day that I know will be a hard one. Today was the first day I allowed myself to cry and mourn over it. I sit here on my couch with tear stained cheecks and with a pain in my heart. How I long to forget the past, to forget the things that were said to me and about me on this once precious day in my life. There has not been a Christmas in over 7 years that I have not cried myself to sleep longing for something different. Longing to be loved by my family, longing to forget the pain.

With that said I do LOVE Christmas! I get to spend it each year with amazing people, we laugh and have a good time and they are the people in my life who truely love me. I look forward to spending this time with them each year, it's just afterwards when I'm all alone that my minds wanders back to the pain. I always think that this year is going to be different. But I know deep down that it will not be, and now as the tears have already begun to fall I know that it will not be. I will laugh, and I will cry but I will remember to rejoice for the things that I do have.

The dream...

2007-12-03T19:02:00.000-06:00

Well here I sit in the Kansas City airport waiting to board my plane to head back to Texas. It has been an amazing weekend filled with fun times with old friends. I went back to Minnesota this weekend to attend a wedding of a good friend of mine.

So last Thursday I got on a plane and flew into Kansas City. Bob and Nat picked me up and we headed towards Des Moines to stay with Melissa. It was a fun reunion with people that I love dearly. I felt the cold air on my skin and enjoyed the sweet conservations with these friends. We got to Melissa's, ate ice cream and went to bed. Friday morning we headed toward the great state of Minnesota. Once there we went to Perkins and then to Caribu Coffee. For those of you who don't know Caribu is a coffee shop up in that neck of the woods. We spent the next few hours there doing homework (I know it was suspose to be a vacation but school is still in session!) Then Mandi picked Melissa and I up and Bob and Nat went to the Groom's supper. We went shopping to get wedding presents (I know, I know waiting till the last minute! I did much better than I am doing with Em's present though which is ALMOST done! I'll get it to them soon, only a few *6* months late!)

After that we met up with Lindsey and went back to Mandi's where we played an amazing game of Girl Talk. It is so funny how I, as a 26 year old woman can revert back to 11 when playing this game! Oh how I LOVE it! We went to bed way to late and woke up way to early. We went to Macy's to get makeovers before the wedding. Since the wedding was at 11:00 am we had to be a Macy's by 8:45 am! We got our makeovers and headed to the church. As we got outside we realized it had begun to snow. It was beautiful!

Well we got to the church, said Hi to Joshua and sat down. What a blessing it was to be able to witness Joshua marry his bride Rose. It was a beautiful wedding (except when Joshua's sister passed out... that was a little crazy!) The Barta wedding was VERY different from the wedding I have been dreaming about for 26 years but yet beautiful and perfect for them! It was so fun to be surrounded by people so dear to my heart! I do love how weddings bring us all back together! We were released from the wedding at 2:45 and from there braved the snow to go to Joel's for the day.

It was such a sweet time to spend with friends I haven't seen in such a long time! It was a good time. It was hard for me at times, just as it is always hard for me to be in a large group of people but I made it though and am thankful for the time I had with these people. What a fun time!

It's crazy to think that I am all grown up! All my friends are getting married, my other friends are showing up pregnant I'm going to be 27 this year. It so crazy! This is not what I thought my life would look like at 27 but yet I am blessed by so many things! I do dream of the day when it's going to be my turn!