It really IS a small world...

Walt Disney was correct when he said it is a small world after all! I am continually amazed by how many connections there are with people. I would not be surprised if it is true that everyone is separated by 7 degrees. This weekend I had another small world experience and I'm very excited about it.

So I was on Facebook on Friday going to leave my friend Kai a message. Kai is a sweet friend that I met at new staff training in the summer of '06. We bonded over the 6 weeks we spent in Orlando and realized that we were both from Minnesota. During support raising we were able to spend some time together and encourage one another. I was leaving her a message to see if she was going to be home at Christmas time. I was hoping that we would be able to find some time to get together. Well as I was leaving her a message I noticed that the person that left a message below me was from someone in the Dallas/Fort Worth network. It said something about Kai coming to visit her. As I looked closer I realized that this was the wife of Chris the missions pastor at my church, the pastor that I had just met, the pastor that I'm going to Thailand with in March! It was crazy! I saw Chris at church yesterday and had some questions about Thailand. I then told him about our connection. He said that Kai was infact coming to visit and that he and his wife would love to have me over for supper one night. What a fun connection!

I am constantly amazed at how small the world is after all. It seems that we always have a fun story of meeting so and so who knows so and so. I do love the moment of Ah-ha I know that person too! I'm excited to spend time with a sweet friend this week, someone who will be in town due to this fun connection.

On a similar note within the next two weeks I will be seeing so many of my dear friends from back home and I am EXCITED! I'm flying out next Thursday to Kansas City, from there I will drive with Bob and Natalie to Des Monies to pick up Melissa and then on our way Minneapolis. I'm excited to see so many of the people so dear to my heart! It's crazy how much a person can miss people!

My family...

So in one of my classes the othe day we were talking about the defination of family. We decided that it is not limited to those related to you by blood or marriage. I just sat there thinking how very true that was. I sat there and thought of those I consider my family and only two people who are related to me would be on that list. When I tell people that I'm going home for Christmas to spend time with my family, that family is actually Emily, Les and the rest of that crew. They have become much more of a family to me than then my "real" family ever did.

I consider so many of my sweet friends my family. I will repeat what I said in my last blog, I am so very blessed to have AMAZING friends! Those people who love me know me and love me for who I am.

Well with all this said... I was sitting at On the Border Tuesday with the girls, it was right after we had talked about families in class, and my phone rings. The number on it is a number from my home town Vero Beach, fl. I don't answer it becasue I think it's rude to talk on the phone when your with people. So anyhow I check the message a little while later, it's my brother. Now it's been almost a year since I've talked to him so I pretty much know something is wrong. Anyhow I call him back, and we chat for awhile (and for those of you who know anything about Marc the update is he sounds SO good! He's been sober for 3 weeks now. He has 10 months to serve which he will do after Christmas). And then he tells me that mom has been diagonsed with breast cancer. I don't really know what to say to that. He continues to tell me what is gonna happen (surgery etc...) Then she comes out to where he is and begins saying all kinds of stuff about it. She is obvisouly drunk and she is repeating everything she says like 5 times. She goes on for awhile about me going in to get checked out yada yada yada... Then she says "Tell her I love her even though she doesn't want me to" This statement made me SO mad. All I have ever wanted was for her to love me and she may say the words but her actions always show elsewise. So anyhow thats that. I don't know what to do with the info. I made a decision to not be a part of her life until she stops choosing her addictions over me (which she hasn't) and so I know for the protection of my heart I can't be there for her in this. It was so weird though cause it was the first time I've heard her voice in almost 3 years. It reminded me that I've made the right decision.

So I thank you all who are reading this whom I consider I family. You know who you are and I love you!

Willie and Friends...

Yes I know it has been awhile since I've been on here. I must admit that the last few weeks have been crazy in my life. Things are on the up and up and I have realized one thing, I am truely blessed by the people in my life. These last few weeks/months have been hard and it's been amazing to see how my friends have rallied around me. It has been so good to see people whom I love and spend time just being with them. Here are a few of the highlights from the past few weeks...

A few weeks back my roommate and I ventured our way over to Little Rock. She was going to record with Sean Michel (You may remember him from American Idol this past season). And I was excited to spend a little time with Les and Jonathon (my sister in spirit and her husband) We really didn't do much, but it was so good to just be with people so dear to my heart. It was a fun weekend. Arianne and I laughed a lot with (and often times at) Sean. We had some good conservations and it was just all around a good weekend.

Every Tuesday night we have girls night in Mansfield. This is always a highlight of my week. We go to On the Border and order margaritas and appitizers. It is our time for the 6 of us (my roommates plus Sarah and Theresa) to catch up and to laugh and to enjoy our time together. We often go back to Sarah and Theresa's and hang out. It is always such a sweet time.

Last weekend my dear friend Melissa came down to visit. It was my first visitor from home and it was so good to see her. While she was here we went to go see Willie Nelson and Pat Green (and a bunch of others) in concert. I now offically feel like I am a Texan. There was about 11 of us who went, we sat on the lawn, played games and listened to good (and some not so good) music. It was a fun day and night!

So those are a few of the fun things going on in my life. Novemeber is going to fly by. I have a LOT of stuff due in the next few weeks. So a majority of my time will be spent writing papers and putting together presentations. I look forward to this semester being over. After my last final I am planning on getting into my Jeep and heading north. I'm coming home for a month. I will hopfully be up in Minnesota by December 14th. I'm looking forward to spending time with so many people dear to my heart. I'm sad to be leaving my roomies and friends down here but I'm so excited about being back in Minnesota!

SO that's my update... I'm gonna try to be on here more often.

Twenty-six and a half...

I realized the other day that last Friday was my half birthday and with that it made me think about a few things...

When did we stop celebrating and proclaiming half birthdays?!?! I very distinctly remember telling people proudly that I was 5 and a half years old. And now I hold onto every day of each year. I will be 26 until 11:59 on April 4, 2008! I just wonder when in life this happens. I'm think mid-twenties. Growing up I always wanted to be older. I wanted to be 13 so I could be a teenager. I wanted to be 16 so I could drive. I wanted to be 18 so I could "be an adult". I wanted to be 21 to be able to drink. After that there weren't many big milestones. Now each year I just feel like I'm getting older.

I don't think I would have a problem with getting old except that I often just think that my life doesn't look anything like what I thought it would at 26. I don't necessarily think that is a bad thing, it is just different. There has been a lot of talk about regrets among the blogging world in the past month and it has made me think. Do I regret things I have done (or didn't do) in the past. No and in the same breath yes. I don't regret not marrying the man I thought I loved when I was 20. I don't regret transferring schools 5 times. The things I do regret is not investing in people as much as I would have liked. I regret that I've hurt people in the past. But for the most part I'm happy with where I'm at.

Another thing that I pictured differently at 26 is that I always pictured myself married by now. A lot of my friends are married at this point and as of recently my friends here in Texas have begun dating. It's just made me wonder when will it be my turn?!?! I am so happy for the girls as they have found great guys to hang out, I just miss that and want it! So I continue to wait...

So here I am, 26 1/2 years old, single and still in school. I'm so excited about where I am in life. I love the people that I live with and am around. I really enjoy my job and coworkers! I am enjoying school. I do love where I am at, it just looks differently than what I thought life would look like at this stage. I feel as though these next 6 months will fly by and then I'll be 27... Ahh the story continues!

My weekly highlight and odd day

Wow it has been a bit of a crazy week! I do love my Sundays though! Sundays for me are a time to wind down, a time to rest, a time to nap, a time to be refreshed, a time to catch up with friends and a time to just enjoy. I have enjoyed doing all of those things today and it was a well needed refreshment after a bit of a crazy week.

Highlight of the week: Thursday! My roommates and I went over to our friends house to watch The Office. We don't have cable or any channels at all at our house so we decided that we will have weekly times over there. Anyhow we watched The Office and laughed a lot... but that was just the beginning. Afterwards we decided to play Girl Talk! Which if you don't know is basically a game of truth or dare straight out the 80's. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. From Arianne walking around the room holding her ankles clucking like a chicken to Holly calling a boy to tell him a bedtime story to Theresa's painted nails and many Zit stickers (which you get if you don't answer) to my many phone calls. We laughed so hard! I was such a good night, so much fun! We then put in a movie and fell asleep. It was like we were 13 again and having a sleep over. Which are always the best!

Most odd day: Friday. Let me tell you the reasons why...

1) Arianne played at Starbucks which was really good. She did an amazing job! She even made me cry a little, twice. She wrote this one song that I love and that is so true of my heart right now. You should go listen to it here It's called She said He said. It speaks my heart right now. So I cried a little (big surprise!), and that was a bit odd since there were a lot people I barely knew there and some of people I work with... so that was a little odd.

2) I saw an old friend at the show. He was a very good friend of mine while I lived at Heartlight and we have lost touch over the past year and half or so. He has been struggling through some things and has pulled away and yet even after two years apart it was so good to see him. It was so good to hug him, it felt so normal, so comfortable, and it made me realize how much I miss him. Odd how someone can be such a big part of your life and then not be and yet it feels so familiar after the time apart

3) We got a call about halfway through the show from Theresa. She was playing softball with the church we've been going to. She called to tell us that she broke her leg and the ambulance was on the way to take her to the hospital. We all rode together to the show and therefore couldn't leave until after the show. I hated the fact that I couldn't do anything. I know how sweet it is to have friends at the hospital with you and she was there with all these random people she just met. I so wanted to be there with her. After the show Sarah and I did go up there, I stayed a few hours and then had to go home. My heart aches knowing that she is in so much pain and just having to sit in bed for a week. Odd how similar Theresa and I with some things and how we understand each other in such a sweet way. Odd that in the past month 2 out of the 6 close friends here have been in the hospital...

4) I had a bit of an anxiety attack after coming home from the hospital. I think that everything just came up. My life, my stress etc... My medical bills started being processed this week and I'm really not excited to start getting the bills. So far the grand total is $38,820! Oh how I praise the Lord that I have insurance!!! I was up all night sick and having a bit of an anxiety attack (which has been happening more and more lately...) Odd how I can feel so out of control of my emotions...

So anyhow there are a few of the days of my week. Hopefully I'll have exciting things to report this week! I should begin volunteering this week but I don't know what my work schedule looks like yet. I will keep you updated

My jumbled heart...

Ok so I know I just wrote a blog a few hours ago, but honestly that wasn't a real blog so I feel justified writting another one now. And besides I got a lot on my mind and heart right now.

I don't even really know where to begin. Honestly this is going to be very jumbled but I feel as though my thoughts are very jumbled right now. I feel as though the Lord is trying to teach me so much right now and honestly I'm a bit overwhelmed. I just returned from a night of worship at church. My cheeks are tear stained and I heart less burdened. I was able to sit with the Lord tonight and pour out my heart. I was able to say the things to Him that have been building up in my heart over the past few weeks. I was able to fall on my face and truely surrender. How silly I am to truely try to keep so much in my heart. To try to keep my sins, desires, hurts and frustrations hidden from the Lord.

So here is a glimpse into my heart...

Every year at this time I really begun to stuggle with Truth and I don't really know why. Every year about this time I begin to think about how messy my life is. How there is so much in my past that I am ashamed of, of the many times I have walked away from the Lord and made dumb decisions. I always begin to wonder if people really knew those things about me would they still love me? And am I even really worthy of love?!?! I continue to fear that I am still that person and I will never be the woman that God has called me to be. Ever since I was young I have been told that I am not worthy to be loved, That I will never amount to anything and I continue to believe those lies. I know it is silly because the people I have trusted the most and who know those dark things from my past are the people in my life who love me the most.

I often put on the mask of I'm ok, when I'm really hurting so deeply inside. I've had that mask on for the past few weeks. Here is my time to take it off. Here is the time to say I'm not ok, but because of my ability to say that, I know I will be ok. The Lord has so sweetly reached out His hand and is helping me out of this pit. I don't know how long it will take but I know that the only way out is to cling to Him. In that clinging He has put people into my life that I can share these burdens with, people who will encourage me in this journey. People I am so very thankful for!

I have been saying for the past week or so that I think God is out to get me, to draw me closer to Him. After tonight I know that is true... and He's got me. He keeps telling me the same thing over and over. Every talk I've heard and everytime I open my Bible I am reminded that He is good, He is soverign and that I need to believe that I am a new creation in Him. He wants me fully and completely surrendered to Him. But still I struggle... what does that look like?!?! How do I do that daily?!?! I still don't know the answers but I do know that I will be ok, I don't need to struggle alone.

I met the sister of a friend of mine last night. We interacted for maybe 5 minutes and today my friend told me that she said that I was the happiest person she had ever met. She had never met anyone with as much joyfulness or happiness. And earlier in the week a co-worker asked me how I can be so nice. She said she's never met anyone else who was truely and geniunly as nice as I was. As I was thinking about this today I was shocked. I feel like this has been a really hard week for me, I have hurt inside and yet the Lord still fills me with joy. May I continue to be filled with that joy and happiness that it overflows to those around me.

May the words of an old hymn resound in my heart in the days to come...

O to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be!
Let thy goodness, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the God I love;
here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above.

I've been tagged...

Seven Things I Plan (Desire) To Do Before I Die:
1. Travel overseas more! I've spent a summer in Brasil and L-O-V-E-D it! I plan on spending many more summers, spring break or whenever I have a break overseas. In fact I am praying about going to Thailand in the spring. My church (I'm excited that I can say those words!) is going over my spring break and I really want to go!
2. Hopefully get married. Although this is not in the in the foreseeable future I must confess this is a huge desire of my heart.
3. Have a house large enough that I can open it up to people that are struggling. I would love to take it teens who don't have anywhere else that they can go.
4. Finish my Masters in Social Work. I'm so excited to do what I desire to do (ie working with people and push them to a better place.) But I know that I must finish up with the schooling first. Weird to think that I almost be 30 before I finish...
5. Visit all 50 states. I'm over half way done but I haven't even ventured out to the west coast. Las Vegas is the furthest west I've been.
6. Love well! To have an influence in the lives of women as my mentors have had in my life. May I one day be a Jan Gregston or Sue Roise in someones life.
7. Have children. I don't know exactly what this will look like. I don't know if I will ever be able to have biological children for a few reasons... 1) refer back to question #2... First comes marriage, then come baby. 2) I have polycystic ovaries and therefore will have a hard time having children when that time comes (but I know God is way bigger than polyscystic ovaries and therefore and thing is possible!) But adaption can always be an option for me.

Seven Things I Can Do:
1. Journal with the best of them. I have been know to journal 38 pages in one day (Ahh post Heartlight days!)
2. Make a mean Caramel Macchiato. It's one of the perks on working st Starbucks.
3. Know things about people. I don't know why or how but I just have great intuition about people. I usually know when people are pregnant before they tell anyone. I was able to know when my girls were hiding something from me, and I often just know when something is going on with those close to me. I just know things... it's weird sometimes!
4. Perserve. If you know anything about me, you know that I have had some hard times and through all that I have learned how to perserve.
5. Buy/wear kids shoes. It's the perk of having tiny feet! I have been know to have pink light up barbie shoes (they were my fav!)
6. Cook. I do pride myself in being able to cook well. I really enjoy cooking for others and often don't get the chance. One of the things I look forwards to about having a family!
7. Crochet. I truly enjoy making and creating new things. It feels so good to complete something and see the finished product.

Seven Things I Can't Do:
1. Sing well. I enjoy to belt it out like the best of them... but you don't want to be around when I do because I am no good. I do have one friend who likes when I sing. In his words, "I love it when you sing because you are so bad and you know it, and yet you do it anyhow!" I wasn't really sure how to respond to that.
2. Take the antibiotic Cipro and not make a visit to the hospital.
3. Keep a plant alive. I do not have a green thumb. I kill everything green. I am working on this though. I bought a bamboo shoot and am hoping it makes it. I know that bamboo is almost impossible to kill... but I say almost cause I've done it in the past.
4. Understand why I'm the blacksheep of my family.
5. Be in the presence of tuna. The smell makes me sick. I just can't do it!
6. Wakeboard. I have tried and tried and tried and I just can't get up... it frustrates me SO much!
7. Live so far away from so many of the people I love and not miss them more and more everyday!

Seven Things That Attract Me to People:
1. Honesty
2. Love
3. Compassion
4. Sense of Humor
5. Realness
6. Joy
7. A good perfume or cologne :-)

Seven Things I Say Most: 1. I'm just a short kid
2. I love you!
3. Tricky... (Em are you still saying it?!?!)
4. Hi! Thanks for stopping at Starbucks, this is Jen, how are you doing today?
5. Can I interest you in a Pumpkin Spice Latte?
6. How was your day?
7. y'all

Seven Celebrity Crushes:
1. Matt Wertz (just to update ,I'm pretty sure he is going to propose when I go see his show on Oct. 12) Ahh.... if only dreams came true!
2. Matt Wertz
3. Matt Wertz
4. Matt Wertz
5. Matt Wertz
6. Matt Wertz
7. Matt Wertz

Seven People I am tagging:
1. Les (I''m with Emily on this one... so that she will start blogging)
2. Whoever
3. else
4. would
5. like
6. to!
7. Love ya!