I was sitting in Starbucks Saturday morning armed with my book, my Bible, my journal, my caramel white mocha and my ipod. I didn't even see it coming but by the time I left my face was tear streaked and my heart was rejoicing. I had one of those sweet moments with the Lord where I just knew life would be ok.
It has been a hard couple of weeks for me. I have not been to work in over 3 weeks due to a back injury. I couldn't even get out of the house for about 2 of those. I have been struggling through some hard stuff not know what was the point of it all. I found out that someone very dear to me tried to take his life in December. I was frustrated at how much pain there is in the world. How Satan is so powerful and can take a hold of people lives. I was tired of feeling unworthy of being loved. I was believing lies and believing that I would always be a victim. That my victimization would haunt me for the rest of my life. I have hurt people in my life because I didn't think I could be loved and therefore pulled away from people.
As I sat at the table Saturday reading a book by Beth Moore called Jesus The One and Only I was reading about how big my God is and how much He truly loves me and wants me to live a life outside of the captivity of lies. I know that the enemy wants me to believe that I'm not worthy and he does a good job at it. I know that I have been being attacked, but on Saturday all I could hear was how I was worth fighting for. How much I am worth to this God that He will fight for my heart. At that point I was listening to Derek Webb and He was singing a song called I will repent. I began to weep as I repented my unbelief. I don't know how long I sat there weeping but I know that it was so good to lay my unbelief down. I felt such a joy come over me.
I love those sweet moments the Lord gives me where I can sit with Him and know that He is good!
The rest of the day was so very sweet to my heart. I was able to spend time with friends and felt as though I was able to truly love them well. I felt as though I was overflowing with love and wanted to love all those around me. We actually went to see Derek Webb in concert that night. It was so good. He did not sing I will repent (which is a good thing because I feel as though I may have lost it again... Crying in Starbucks is one thing, but at a concert is totally different!) It was a fun time to spend with people I love! I felt loved by these people in such a sweet way that night.
I do pray that the Lord will continue to give me an overflowing love that I can love those around me well. I pray that I can love those who are struggling and I pray that I can live in truth. I leave in 3 days for Thailand and I'm excited to see how the Lord uses this love over there. I'm excited to be out of my pit and able to be loved again and able to love others.
As a side note I just got new glasses... here is a picture!
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