The Secret Life...

On Friday night I saw the movie The Secret Life of Bees it was such a good movie! I left the theater with tear streak cheeks and many thoughts swirling around in my head. I highly recommend you go see this movie although I am sure it will not effect you as it did me. See the lead character Lilly (Dokata Fanning) and I have a lot in common. At one point Lilly is crying and says something along the lines of Why do neither my parents love me? Why didn't either of my parents want me? These questions resonated in my heart, because I have asked them a number of times myself.

I feel as though I am in one of the best spots I have ever been and therefore this did not rock my world as it may have a few years back. I am at a point that I can look at my life and my experiences and see God's glory in the midst of the pain. I have been able to see how God has pursued my heart over the years. And how out of that I have learned how to love. I have realized that there are some things in my life that I keep secret. Things from my past that I have thought haven't effected my life, but I was obviously wrong. Issues from these things continue to arise and I've realized that I need to finally reveal the secrets and begin the healing process once and for all. I'm so excited about where the Lord has me right now and as hard as I know these next weeks, months and possibly years are going to be, I'm excited to see the victory on the other side of this!

Some things change...

Tonight I paid $2.95 for a gallon of gas! I once thought that I would never see it below $3.00 again. I am sure that the prices will not stay this low but I was very excited to see $2.95 on the gas sign! Gas prices seem to be a picture of my life, always changing and unpredictable!

I made pumpkin muffins yesterday which meant pulling out the old journals to find the one with the recipe in it. As I was going through my journals I found some very interesting things. I found a letter I had written to my mom about a month before the last time I went home. It was interesting to see the things I had asked of her and my desires for my trip home and then to read later about how that trip actually went. It was fun to read about how God had answered (or not answered) my prayers. It was fun to read about the different relationships that have been a part of my life over the years. It was interesting to see that some of the things I struggle with today are the same things I struggled with three, four, five years ago (will I ever defeat these things?!?!).

Journaling is such a release for me, and I love to be able to go back and see where I have come over the years! One thing I am very thankful at this point in life is that my life is not constantly changing. I've lived in the same house for more than a year now (which is the first time in 11 years!) I have no plans to move anywhere for at least another year and half. I know that I will be in school for the next 19 months. Once this season of school is over I know that there will be life change once again with hopefully the beginning of a new job. And let's be honest I would REALLY be ok with a life change that involved a diamond ring and an amazing man! But I will say, I am content with the fact that my life is a little stable right now!

Relationships...

Today I went to a fancy luncheon for Safe Haven of Fort Worth. Safe Haven is a women's shelter for women who have left an abusive relationship. They offer not only shelter but also services to get these women back on their feet. It was a great luncheon! Patricia Heaton (who you may know better as Debra on Everyone Love's Raymond) was the guest speaker and she was great. At times she had me wiping away the tears and at other times I was bent over in laughter. Patricia spoke about how important relationships are in ones life. She shared some stories of significant relationships in her life. It was truly inspirational!

Relationships are a topic that has been on my heart lately. I just finished reading The Shack by William P. Young. This was an amazing fiction book that spoke of relationships. In the forward there was a line that I loved. "I suppose that since most of our hurts come through relationships so will our healing." I am amazed by the truth of this statement. I have been deeply hurt by many relationships in my life, but most of the healing from those hurts has come through relationships with people who have loved me enough to walk through those hurts with me!

I am so thankful for those people who have helped to heal those hurts in my life and I pray that I will be able to walk through some of those things with people that I love. A girl that has become such a part of my life and heart called me last week to tell me that she believes that God used me (and a little care package I sent her) to show her His love here on earth. I did not know but she has been struggling through some really hard things lately and the fact that I care about her spoke God's love to her. I had tears streaming down my face as she told me this. What a privilege to be able to love someone through hurt and pain. What a privilege to be for someone what so many women have been to me in my life!

I think the thing that I am learning is that in order for me to be in relationship with others and to love others I must first be in relationship with Christ and love Christ. These past two-ish months I have grown deeper with Christ, He has been teaching me so much. I've had to step outside of myself and love those around me. Through my relationship with Christ and only through that relationship will I be able to be in relationship with others and love others well. He is the ultimate example of what love looks like, now may I just model that...