Change...

Well it's been awhile again (I promise I will get better at this thing), I would say that I haven't had much to write about but that would be a lie, I would say I haven't had time but that too would be a lie. The truth is that I just haven't wanted to sit down and get my thoughts together enough to write. I sometimes feel as though my thoughts are so jumbled that it would take too much energy to get them out coherently. But this is my attempt.

I feel like I am learning a lot! I feel as though I have been learning a lot over the past few years and especially in the past 6 months! I am learning more about who I am, what I desire, what I want my life to look like. I am learning how to be a better me (hopefully). I'm excited about all that I am learning and am excited to put in all into practice! I feel as though I am growing into the person I want to be.

I've made some new friends over the past couple of months that I am so thankful for. As I stated before I joined a small group back in August and since then I have really connected with a couple of those girls, we've gone from being in small group together to being good friends! I feel as though we have been learning together and able to encourage one another along in this journey of learning. We just finished a study tonight about what our image reflects. Tonight was very interesting, we talked about how as women we are called to be life-givers, not only physically but also emotionally and spiritually. We are called to give-life (encourage those around us) and how our words can either be life-givers or life-takers. I was taken aback by this truth. I know how people (my mom in particular) have taken life (joy, encouragement, etc) from me by the words that they have spoken. On the other hand I have had a number of women in my life who have given me life through their words. I pray that I would be conscious of how my words effect those around me and that I would be a life-giver. All that said I am so thankful for these new friends in my life. They have helped push me to a new level of learning.

There has been a lot of change in my life as of lately also. Both in circumstances and my thinking. The circumstantial change has come from a change in my internship. Last Tuesday caused a lot of change in my life. The Senator that I was interning for did not get re-elected, and therefore I have had to change locations. On Monday I began my first day at Texas Re-entry Services, an agency that works with prison inmates who have been recently released from prison. We help them have a successful transition back into society. I'm excited to learn these skills and beleive that this will help me help Marc.

Something else I've been thinking about since last Tuesday is my past. There has been a lot of hurt and a lot of mistakes but I know that this is all part of the process to get me to where I am today. I have spent so much of my life shaming myself and feeling guilty, but I have realized that this does no good. There are only a few people in my life who know all the dirty details of my life becasue I have been ashamed or afraid to share these things. I've realized I have been forgiven and therefore do not need to live in the shame but instead need live in the glory of God. I did some dumb things last week but I can see that I have been growing and learning in how I responded to those things. Instead of feeling shamed by them I was able to seek God, I was able to talk through those things with the people around me and know that these things do not define me.

On the school front I am officially ready to be DONE! I know it's just the time of the year but I am ready to be done! I officially have my grad application in (I'm not too worried because I should have automatic acceptance) and I can not stop thinking about how I want May 2010 to be here so badly! There is only 3 weeks left of the semester and then I have almost 6 weeks off! I've started a list of books to ready during this time! I am SO SO SO excited for this time off!

Well that's all for now. I have more but that will leave me some to write for next time.