Home Sweet Home...

Well it has been awhile and I thought it was time to update ya'll on the happenings on my life over the past month or so. My goal is to better about writing on here so we will see how that goes in 2008!

Well I finished classes on December 6. That last week was very hectic and stressful. I had about 45 pages worth of papers to write along with 3 finals (all due on the same day!!!) I was able to get all my stuff done, the papers were some of the best I had written all semester and I did well on my finals. I only had one final during finals week so I rejoiced in the fact that I was done on the 6th. I was looking forward to a long awaited break.

That long awaited break was taken away when I found out I had to take a College Algebra class during the wintermester! I was not happy!! So I was to spend 12 days of my break in a classroom for 4 hours. The class has turned out to be a bit of a joke. I am currently in that class which tells you how much I need to pay attention.

Anyhow the week between classes was spent relaxing! I finished my Christmas shopping and spent a lot of time in bed due to being sick. I think the stress took it out of me physically. On the 21st I left to drive to Little Rock to meet up with Les and Jonathon. We went to bed earlier and headed out about 6:30 the next morning to head to Minnesota for Christmas. At this point I was

very sick and not feeling well, ready to just get to Minnesota. It is normally a 13 hour drive, I was excited to be out of the car. But then we hit a Blizzard outside of Kansas City. We couldn't drive faster then 30 mph. We ended up having to stop and get a hotel. We ordered Pizza and watch tv, all feeling bitter we were not in Minnesota. The next morning we left hoping the roads would be better... they were not. It took us another 8 hours. All in all it was a 32 hour trip!!! The whole way we were saying how much more me appreciate living in the south.

When we finally got to Minnesota we rested and showered and then went to the Vikings game. It was a BAD game but it was fun to be with everyone. I was still very sick though, and I continued to get worse. I spent the next week trying to get better. I went to the Doctor's office on Christmas Eve and got some medicine. So it was a week of rest. I got to spend some time with Em which was great! I also got to spend a night at the Hilton with some women I joined staff with a year and half ago! It was SO good to spend time with these women!!! I then went to Mankato and spent some time with people dear to my heart. On New Years day Melissa was taking me back to Westbrook to meet up with Les and Jonathon so that we could head back south. On our way we spun out and ended up in the ditch. Thank the Lord for a trucker who stopped and pushed us out. I'm not going to lie it was really good to be back in the warm no snow south!!!

So I've been back for about a week now... It has been good to be back in a routine of things. I think I made the decision that I am made for the south and will more than likely not move back to the freezing cold midwest. There are so other exciting things going on but I will save that for another post! So here I am in my math class, ready to home and go on a bike ride (oh yeah I got a new bike!) and enjoy the 75 degree weather!

Christmas...

Christmas is two weeks away... and yet I continue to pretend like it is not the holiday season, because then I don't have to relive the pain of Christmas past. The two hardest days of the year, every year, are Christmas and April 5th, my birthday. Here I am, less than 2 weeks away from this day that I know will be a hard one. Today was the first day I allowed myself to cry and mourn over it. I sit here on my couch with tear stained cheecks and with a pain in my heart. How I long to forget the past, to forget the things that were said to me and about me on this once precious day in my life. There has not been a Christmas in over 7 years that I have not cried myself to sleep longing for something different. Longing to be loved by my family, longing to forget the pain.

With that said I do LOVE Christmas! I get to spend it each year with amazing people, we laugh and have a good time and they are the people in my life who truely love me. I look forward to spending this time with them each year, it's just afterwards when I'm all alone that my minds wanders back to the pain. I always think that this year is going to be different. But I know deep down that it will not be, and now as the tears have already begun to fall I know that it will not be. I will laugh, and I will cry but I will remember to rejoice for the things that I do have.

The dream...

Well here I sit in the Kansas City airport waiting to board my plane to head back to Texas. It has been an amazing weekend filled with fun times with old friends. I went back to Minnesota this weekend to attend a wedding of a good friend of mine.

So last Thursday I got on a plane and flew into Kansas City. Bob and Nat picked me up and we headed towards Des Moines to stay with Melissa. It was a fun reunion with people that I love dearly. I felt the cold air on my skin and enjoyed the sweet conservations with these friends. We got to Melissa's, ate ice cream and went to bed. Friday morning we headed toward the great state of Minnesota. Once there we went to Perkins and then to Caribu Coffee. For those of you who don't know Caribu is a coffee shop up in that neck of the woods. We spent the next few hours there doing homework (I know it was suspose to be a vacation but school is still in session!) Then Mandi picked Melissa and I up and Bob and Nat went to the Groom's supper. We went shopping to get wedding presents (I know, I know waiting till the last minute! I did much better than I am doing with Em's present though which is ALMOST done! I'll get it to them soon, only a few *6* months late!)

After that we met up with Lindsey and went back to Mandi's where we played an amazing game of Girl Talk. It is so funny how I, as a 26 year old woman can revert back to 11 when playing this game! Oh how I LOVE it! We went to bed way to late and woke up way to early. We went to Macy's to get makeovers before the wedding. Since the wedding was at 11:00 am we had to be a Macy's by 8:45 am! We got our makeovers and headed to the church. As we got outside we realized it had begun to snow. It was beautiful!

Well we got to the church, said Hi to Joshua and sat down. What a blessing it was to be able to witness Joshua marry his bride Rose. It was a beautiful wedding (except when Joshua's sister passed out... that was a little crazy!) The Barta wedding was VERY different from the wedding I have been dreaming about for 26 years but yet beautiful and perfect for them! It was so fun to be surrounded by people so dear to my heart! I do love how weddings bring us all back together! We were released from the wedding at 2:45 and from there braved the snow to go to Joel's for the day.

It was such a sweet time to spend with friends I haven't seen in such a long time! It was a good time. It was hard for me at times, just as it is always hard for me to be in a large group of people but I made it though and am thankful for the time I had with these people. What a fun time!

It's crazy to think that I am all grown up! All my friends are getting married, my other friends are showing up pregnant I'm going to be 27 this year. It so crazy! This is not what I thought my life would look like at 27 but yet I am blessed by so many things! I do dream of the day when it's going to be my turn!

It really IS a small world...

Walt Disney was correct when he said it is a small world after all! I am continually amazed by how many connections there are with people. I would not be surprised if it is true that everyone is separated by 7 degrees. This weekend I had another small world experience and I'm very excited about it.

So I was on Facebook on Friday going to leave my friend Kai a message. Kai is a sweet friend that I met at new staff training in the summer of '06. We bonded over the 6 weeks we spent in Orlando and realized that we were both from Minnesota. During support raising we were able to spend some time together and encourage one another. I was leaving her a message to see if she was going to be home at Christmas time. I was hoping that we would be able to find some time to get together. Well as I was leaving her a message I noticed that the person that left a message below me was from someone in the Dallas/Fort Worth network. It said something about Kai coming to visit her. As I looked closer I realized that this was the wife of Chris the missions pastor at my church, the pastor that I had just met, the pastor that I'm going to Thailand with in March! It was crazy! I saw Chris at church yesterday and had some questions about Thailand. I then told him about our connection. He said that Kai was infact coming to visit and that he and his wife would love to have me over for supper one night. What a fun connection!

I am constantly amazed at how small the world is after all. It seems that we always have a fun story of meeting so and so who knows so and so. I do love the moment of Ah-ha I know that person too! I'm excited to spend time with a sweet friend this week, someone who will be in town due to this fun connection.

On a similar note within the next two weeks I will be seeing so many of my dear friends from back home and I am EXCITED! I'm flying out next Thursday to Kansas City, from there I will drive with Bob and Natalie to Des Monies to pick up Melissa and then on our way Minneapolis. I'm excited to see so many of the people so dear to my heart! It's crazy how much a person can miss people!

My family...

So in one of my classes the othe day we were talking about the defination of family. We decided that it is not limited to those related to you by blood or marriage. I just sat there thinking how very true that was. I sat there and thought of those I consider my family and only two people who are related to me would be on that list. When I tell people that I'm going home for Christmas to spend time with my family, that family is actually Emily, Les and the rest of that crew. They have become much more of a family to me than then my "real" family ever did.

I consider so many of my sweet friends my family. I will repeat what I said in my last blog, I am so very blessed to have AMAZING friends! Those people who love me know me and love me for who I am.

Well with all this said... I was sitting at On the Border Tuesday with the girls, it was right after we had talked about families in class, and my phone rings. The number on it is a number from my home town Vero Beach, fl. I don't answer it becasue I think it's rude to talk on the phone when your with people. So anyhow I check the message a little while later, it's my brother. Now it's been almost a year since I've talked to him so I pretty much know something is wrong. Anyhow I call him back, and we chat for awhile (and for those of you who know anything about Marc the update is he sounds SO good! He's been sober for 3 weeks now. He has 10 months to serve which he will do after Christmas). And then he tells me that mom has been diagonsed with breast cancer. I don't really know what to say to that. He continues to tell me what is gonna happen (surgery etc...) Then she comes out to where he is and begins saying all kinds of stuff about it. She is obvisouly drunk and she is repeating everything she says like 5 times. She goes on for awhile about me going in to get checked out yada yada yada... Then she says "Tell her I love her even though she doesn't want me to" This statement made me SO mad. All I have ever wanted was for her to love me and she may say the words but her actions always show elsewise. So anyhow thats that. I don't know what to do with the info. I made a decision to not be a part of her life until she stops choosing her addictions over me (which she hasn't) and so I know for the protection of my heart I can't be there for her in this. It was so weird though cause it was the first time I've heard her voice in almost 3 years. It reminded me that I've made the right decision.

So I thank you all who are reading this whom I consider I family. You know who you are and I love you!

Willie and Friends...

Yes I know it has been awhile since I've been on here. I must admit that the last few weeks have been crazy in my life. Things are on the up and up and I have realized one thing, I am truely blessed by the people in my life. These last few weeks/months have been hard and it's been amazing to see how my friends have rallied around me. It has been so good to see people whom I love and spend time just being with them. Here are a few of the highlights from the past few weeks...

A few weeks back my roommate and I ventured our way over to Little Rock. She was going to record with Sean Michel (You may remember him from American Idol this past season). And I was excited to spend a little time with Les and Jonathon (my sister in spirit and her husband) We really didn't do much, but it was so good to just be with people so dear to my heart. It was a fun weekend. Arianne and I laughed a lot with (and often times at) Sean. We had some good conservations and it was just all around a good weekend.

Every Tuesday night we have girls night in Mansfield. This is always a highlight of my week. We go to On the Border and order margaritas and appitizers. It is our time for the 6 of us (my roommates plus Sarah and Theresa) to catch up and to laugh and to enjoy our time together. We often go back to Sarah and Theresa's and hang out. It is always such a sweet time.

Last weekend my dear friend Melissa came down to visit. It was my first visitor from home and it was so good to see her. While she was here we went to go see Willie Nelson and Pat Green (and a bunch of others) in concert. I now offically feel like I am a Texan. There was about 11 of us who went, we sat on the lawn, played games and listened to good (and some not so good) music. It was a fun day and night!

So those are a few of the fun things going on in my life. Novemeber is going to fly by. I have a LOT of stuff due in the next few weeks. So a majority of my time will be spent writing papers and putting together presentations. I look forward to this semester being over. After my last final I am planning on getting into my Jeep and heading north. I'm coming home for a month. I will hopfully be up in Minnesota by December 14th. I'm looking forward to spending time with so many people dear to my heart. I'm sad to be leaving my roomies and friends down here but I'm so excited about being back in Minnesota!

SO that's my update... I'm gonna try to be on here more often.

Twenty-six and a half...

I realized the other day that last Friday was my half birthday and with that it made me think about a few things...

When did we stop celebrating and proclaiming half birthdays?!?! I very distinctly remember telling people proudly that I was 5 and a half years old. And now I hold onto every day of each year. I will be 26 until 11:59 on April 4, 2008! I just wonder when in life this happens. I'm think mid-twenties. Growing up I always wanted to be older. I wanted to be 13 so I could be a teenager. I wanted to be 16 so I could drive. I wanted to be 18 so I could "be an adult". I wanted to be 21 to be able to drink. After that there weren't many big milestones. Now each year I just feel like I'm getting older.

I don't think I would have a problem with getting old except that I often just think that my life doesn't look anything like what I thought it would at 26. I don't necessarily think that is a bad thing, it is just different. There has been a lot of talk about regrets among the blogging world in the past month and it has made me think. Do I regret things I have done (or didn't do) in the past. No and in the same breath yes. I don't regret not marrying the man I thought I loved when I was 20. I don't regret transferring schools 5 times. The things I do regret is not investing in people as much as I would have liked. I regret that I've hurt people in the past. But for the most part I'm happy with where I'm at.

Another thing that I pictured differently at 26 is that I always pictured myself married by now. A lot of my friends are married at this point and as of recently my friends here in Texas have begun dating. It's just made me wonder when will it be my turn?!?! I am so happy for the girls as they have found great guys to hang out, I just miss that and want it! So I continue to wait...

So here I am, 26 1/2 years old, single and still in school. I'm so excited about where I am in life. I love the people that I live with and am around. I really enjoy my job and coworkers! I am enjoying school. I do love where I am at, it just looks differently than what I thought life would look like at this stage. I feel as though these next 6 months will fly by and then I'll be 27... Ahh the story continues!