#27

Well this is Thanksgiving #27 for Me. I don't remember the early ones but over the past few years I really do try to sit back and think about what I am thankful for. Since this is my 27th year to give thanks I thought I would list my top 27 things I'm thankful for (they are in no particular order) So here is my list this year...

1. That I am healthy (no major doctor visit in 2008!)
2. My girls here in Texas (Arianne, Holly, Maranda, Sarah and Theresa) I don't know how I would be able to get through the day to day without them
3. My "sisters" (Em and Les) who truly have become the sisters I never had
4. The amazing women who became a part of my life in Mankato and continue to love me well (Namely Julie, Melissa, Natalie, and Rachel)
5. The amazing mentors I have had over the years (Jan and Sue)
6. My new small group friends!
7. My new friends from Church
8. The chance I had to go to Thailand twice this year!
9. A car that runs
10. The chance to go back to school
11. My relationship with my brother Marc
12. Down Comforters!
13. Heartlight and all the friends I came out of from there (Carrie, Dustin, Kacie, Matt, Sam, and my amazing roomies!)
14. Heartlight and the girls who I was allowed to walk through life with (Amanda, Christa, Denele, Janelle and Melissa!) O how I love and miss this girls!
15. Having a place to go "home" to for Christmas
16. My short time at Senator Kim Brimer's office
17. Mirage paper co. Jumbo Journals
18. Gas prices being $1.62
19. CUTE SHOES in size 5
20. 6 weeks of Christmas Break!
21. The guys in my life who have shown me what it looks like to be a man who follows after God's own heart (Bob, Joel, Joshua, Marti, Nick), these guys who have helped set the standard for me
22. Thai food!
23. Sonic Diet Coke with white coconut
24. My nanny
25. Music and my ipod!
26. Bath and Body Works lemon lip gloss
27. I left the thing I am most thankful for last.... My relationship with the Lord. He has saved me and continues to show me mercy and grace. I am so very thankful for that, without that relationship I would not have this list!

Thanksgiving...

So last night my small group and I had "Practice Thanksgiving", We were able to try out the new recipes that you don't want to mess up on the big day. It was a fun night (once I got there, I was pretty lost and in a bad mood by the time I got there but still had fun...) Here are some pictures from that night.

It is crazy to me that Thanksgiving is this week already! I'm going to go volunteer the morning of Thanksgiving and I'm super excited about that. And that is just the beginning of the fun festivities for the weekend. Be sure to be looking on here come the end of the week for an update of all the fun Thanksgiving festivities! I hope that you are all able to relax and truly be thankful this week!

A few random thoughts...

So I have had lots on my mind as of lately and I'm home sick in bed today so I thought I would write them down...

First, what are the rules for liking someone that a friend of your likes? Say that person in question has never shown interest in said friend? I've seen this happen a few times in my life with people around me, but I just don't know what the rules are. Is he off limits? Or am I free to date said person if asked out? This is all hypothetical (but if you ask I'll tell you the details), and I just wanted to know what other peoples' thoughts are. So far I've gotten a wide range of opinions on this one!

I've decided to go home for Christmas (Em if you are reading this before I talk to you, I am coming!). I have gone back and forth on this, I didn't think I would have the money to go home, and then I decided to use my miles and the dates were blacked out. I tried to convince myself that I would be ok being here for Christmas but I just couldn't convince myself. I did not want to spend Christmas alone, so I decided I would do whatever it took to make it home. I ended up being able to use my miles and I'm looking forward to spending Christmas with people I love!

Thanksgiving is only 9 days away! This year I am going to be going with a friend of mine to deliver Thanksgiving dinners to needy families around the city. An organization here in town is making over 2000 dinners and then delivering them to people around the city. I'm excited to serve in this way on Thanksgiving! With not having any family here and no commitments I think this is a great way to serve others on this day!

After Thanksgiving I only have 1 week of school left! And then let the reading a relaxing begin. If you have any good books that you think I should read during this time let me know! So those are some of the crazy thoughts floating around in my head....

Change...

Well it's been awhile again (I promise I will get better at this thing), I would say that I haven't had much to write about but that would be a lie, I would say I haven't had time but that too would be a lie. The truth is that I just haven't wanted to sit down and get my thoughts together enough to write. I sometimes feel as though my thoughts are so jumbled that it would take too much energy to get them out coherently. But this is my attempt.

I feel like I am learning a lot! I feel as though I have been learning a lot over the past few years and especially in the past 6 months! I am learning more about who I am, what I desire, what I want my life to look like. I am learning how to be a better me (hopefully). I'm excited about all that I am learning and am excited to put in all into practice! I feel as though I am growing into the person I want to be.

I've made some new friends over the past couple of months that I am so thankful for. As I stated before I joined a small group back in August and since then I have really connected with a couple of those girls, we've gone from being in small group together to being good friends! I feel as though we have been learning together and able to encourage one another along in this journey of learning. We just finished a study tonight about what our image reflects. Tonight was very interesting, we talked about how as women we are called to be life-givers, not only physically but also emotionally and spiritually. We are called to give-life (encourage those around us) and how our words can either be life-givers or life-takers. I was taken aback by this truth. I know how people (my mom in particular) have taken life (joy, encouragement, etc) from me by the words that they have spoken. On the other hand I have had a number of women in my life who have given me life through their words. I pray that I would be conscious of how my words effect those around me and that I would be a life-giver. All that said I am so thankful for these new friends in my life. They have helped push me to a new level of learning.

There has been a lot of change in my life as of lately also. Both in circumstances and my thinking. The circumstantial change has come from a change in my internship. Last Tuesday caused a lot of change in my life. The Senator that I was interning for did not get re-elected, and therefore I have had to change locations. On Monday I began my first day at Texas Re-entry Services, an agency that works with prison inmates who have been recently released from prison. We help them have a successful transition back into society. I'm excited to learn these skills and beleive that this will help me help Marc.

Something else I've been thinking about since last Tuesday is my past. There has been a lot of hurt and a lot of mistakes but I know that this is all part of the process to get me to where I am today. I have spent so much of my life shaming myself and feeling guilty, but I have realized that this does no good. There are only a few people in my life who know all the dirty details of my life becasue I have been ashamed or afraid to share these things. I've realized I have been forgiven and therefore do not need to live in the shame but instead need live in the glory of God. I did some dumb things last week but I can see that I have been growing and learning in how I responded to those things. Instead of feeling shamed by them I was able to seek God, I was able to talk through those things with the people around me and know that these things do not define me.

On the school front I am officially ready to be DONE! I know it's just the time of the year but I am ready to be done! I officially have my grad application in (I'm not too worried because I should have automatic acceptance) and I can not stop thinking about how I want May 2010 to be here so badly! There is only 3 weeks left of the semester and then I have almost 6 weeks off! I've started a list of books to ready during this time! I am SO SO SO excited for this time off!

Well that's all for now. I have more but that will leave me some to write for next time.

The Secret Life...

On Friday night I saw the movie The Secret Life of Bees it was such a good movie! I left the theater with tear streak cheeks and many thoughts swirling around in my head. I highly recommend you go see this movie although I am sure it will not effect you as it did me. See the lead character Lilly (Dokata Fanning) and I have a lot in common. At one point Lilly is crying and says something along the lines of Why do neither my parents love me? Why didn't either of my parents want me? These questions resonated in my heart, because I have asked them a number of times myself.

I feel as though I am in one of the best spots I have ever been and therefore this did not rock my world as it may have a few years back. I am at a point that I can look at my life and my experiences and see God's glory in the midst of the pain. I have been able to see how God has pursued my heart over the years. And how out of that I have learned how to love. I have realized that there are some things in my life that I keep secret. Things from my past that I have thought haven't effected my life, but I was obviously wrong. Issues from these things continue to arise and I've realized that I need to finally reveal the secrets and begin the healing process once and for all. I'm so excited about where the Lord has me right now and as hard as I know these next weeks, months and possibly years are going to be, I'm excited to see the victory on the other side of this!

Some things change...

Tonight I paid $2.95 for a gallon of gas! I once thought that I would never see it below $3.00 again. I am sure that the prices will not stay this low but I was very excited to see $2.95 on the gas sign! Gas prices seem to be a picture of my life, always changing and unpredictable!

I made pumpkin muffins yesterday which meant pulling out the old journals to find the one with the recipe in it. As I was going through my journals I found some very interesting things. I found a letter I had written to my mom about a month before the last time I went home. It was interesting to see the things I had asked of her and my desires for my trip home and then to read later about how that trip actually went. It was fun to read about how God had answered (or not answered) my prayers. It was fun to read about the different relationships that have been a part of my life over the years. It was interesting to see that some of the things I struggle with today are the same things I struggled with three, four, five years ago (will I ever defeat these things?!?!).

Journaling is such a release for me, and I love to be able to go back and see where I have come over the years! One thing I am very thankful at this point in life is that my life is not constantly changing. I've lived in the same house for more than a year now (which is the first time in 11 years!) I have no plans to move anywhere for at least another year and half. I know that I will be in school for the next 19 months. Once this season of school is over I know that there will be life change once again with hopefully the beginning of a new job. And let's be honest I would REALLY be ok with a life change that involved a diamond ring and an amazing man! But I will say, I am content with the fact that my life is a little stable right now!

Relationships...

Today I went to a fancy luncheon for Safe Haven of Fort Worth. Safe Haven is a women's shelter for women who have left an abusive relationship. They offer not only shelter but also services to get these women back on their feet. It was a great luncheon! Patricia Heaton (who you may know better as Debra on Everyone Love's Raymond) was the guest speaker and she was great. At times she had me wiping away the tears and at other times I was bent over in laughter. Patricia spoke about how important relationships are in ones life. She shared some stories of significant relationships in her life. It was truly inspirational!

Relationships are a topic that has been on my heart lately. I just finished reading The Shack by William P. Young. This was an amazing fiction book that spoke of relationships. In the forward there was a line that I loved. "I suppose that since most of our hurts come through relationships so will our healing." I am amazed by the truth of this statement. I have been deeply hurt by many relationships in my life, but most of the healing from those hurts has come through relationships with people who have loved me enough to walk through those hurts with me!

I am so thankful for those people who have helped to heal those hurts in my life and I pray that I will be able to walk through some of those things with people that I love. A girl that has become such a part of my life and heart called me last week to tell me that she believes that God used me (and a little care package I sent her) to show her His love here on earth. I did not know but she has been struggling through some really hard things lately and the fact that I care about her spoke God's love to her. I had tears streaming down my face as she told me this. What a privilege to be able to love someone through hurt and pain. What a privilege to be for someone what so many women have been to me in my life!

I think the thing that I am learning is that in order for me to be in relationship with others and to love others I must first be in relationship with Christ and love Christ. These past two-ish months I have grown deeper with Christ, He has been teaching me so much. I've had to step outside of myself and love those around me. Through my relationship with Christ and only through that relationship will I be able to be in relationship with others and love others well. He is the ultimate example of what love looks like, now may I just model that...