They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so here is a countdown of the best pictures of 2008!

Friends together again! Getting all dolled up for Sarah's B-day celebration!

At the Italian Inn for Sarah's B-day!

My new small group ladies! I love these girls!!

AHH I had to put this one in here, Matt playing Chubby Bunny!

Us at Pam's Baby shower! Baby Lois was born in November!

At Ryan and Tyanne's wedding

DAVE BARNES!!!!!

These next few are from my second trip to Thailand!

Meg's wedding!

Home again for Adam and Rachel's wedding!

The CRAZY memorial day trip to go Float!!!

The Heartlight Gala!

Em came to visit!
We were hoping to get circled!

My first trip to Thailand!

Net, one of the children I fell in love with!

Arianne's b-day (and my new glasses)

Chad and Amanda's wedding!

AKA Heartlight reunion!

Well that was 2008! I'm excited for 2009, I know that there will be lots of wedding pictures in this next year! I'm excited to see what it holds!

'08/'09

So I'm sitting here on Em's couch feeling sick and thought that I would do this meme that she tagged me in.

1. Will you be looking for a new job? I am debating this, if I am I won't really be looking I will just be applying and getting a job (as a probation officer), I may pick up a part time job. I'm really not sure yet what I want to do, depends on what scholarships I get

2. Will you be looking for a new relationship? Yes!

3. New house? No I don't think so. I L-O-V-E the house I am in!

4. What will you do differently in 09? I'm not really sure, maybe workout more and eat better!

5. New Years resolution? I usually don't make new year resolutions, but I would say to workout more and eat better

6. What will you not be doing in 09? Not really sure, whenever I say I will not do something I tend to do it.

7. Any trips planned? The first being a trip to PA to go skiing with my amazing Heartlight Friends. I'm hoping to get out of the country at some point but not sure where to yet. I'm sure that Minnesota will be in there sometime. Also I am planning a road trip to Florida to visit my brother.

8. Wedding plans? Not of my own, but who knows there are 365 days in 2009.

9. Major thing on your calendar? Right now only the trip to PA which really is not on the calender because dates have not been set. Also wedding of my roommates (also dates yet to be set). So far that is all I know of so far.

10. What can’t you wait for? The things I 'm hoping will happen in '09

11. What would you like to see happen differently? I'm not sure about this one...

12. What about yourself will you be changing? I'm with Em on this one...My waistline, I hope :-).

13. What happened in 08 that you didn’t think would ever happen? I went to Thailand twice!

14. Will you be nicer to the people you care about? I really try to be nice to people I care about all the time. Sometimes when in a bad mood I can take it out on those I care about, I will work on that!

15. Will you dress differently this year than you did in 08? Hopefully just smaller sizes!

16. Will you start or quit drinking? No, I currently drink and I don't think I will be giving up it up this year

17. Will you better your relationship with your family? With my brother I hope. I do hope that through this hard time in his life that we can better our relationship

18. Will you do charity work? Yes. I feel as though my job is charity work sometime, but I do plan on volunteering much more this year also.

19. Will you go to bars? I do feel as though I will be at a bar at some point in '09

20. Will you be nice to people you don’t know? I think I am really nice to people I don't know, I tend to really like people and believe that everyone should be loved

21. Do you expect 09 to be a good year for you? I hope so, '08 was a good year and I'm excited to see what '09 will bring.

22. How much did you change from this time last year till now? I hope that I love a little better and have learned much about love.

23. Do you plan on having a child? Not unless I fall in love and get married in the next 2 months!

24. Will you still be friends with the same people you are friends with now? Yes! I have amazing friends and I'm so blessed to call them my friends. I am looking forward to making even more this year!

25. Major lifestyle changes? Working out more, eating better, and possibly beginning a new job

26. Will you move? Probably not, but you never know.

27. What will you make sure doesn’t happen in 09 that happened in 08? I don't know, I nothing in my control happened that I could change for next year.

28. What are your New Years Eve plans? I don't have any yet (yes I know that it is only 2 days away)

30. One wish for 09? Don't they say if you tell what you wish for it won't happen?!?! I am NOT telling, just in case!!

Wow I can not believe that 2008 is almost over! I wish you all a very happy new year!!

Highs and lows of '08

The other night I was out with 4 of the most amazing women I know.  It was a night to celebrate Sarah's birthday and it was a great night.  We got all dressed up, took pictures in front of the Christmas tree, went to supper at a cute little Italian restaurant, went The Nutcracker, and then back to Sarah's for homemade Oreo Cheesecake.  It was a fun night but honestly it was just good to be out with these women that I love.  During supper we went around and talked about the highs and lows of 2008, we realized one thing in the conservation and that was that 2008 was a good year!  None of us could really think of major low of the year.  For me this is significant coming out of 2007 which was full of lows for this girls.  

I thought I would share some of the highs of 2008 as the year is ending...

* I got to go to Thailand twice!  My life will forever be impacted by those trips, by the people that I met and the time I got to spend with the people I was traveling with!  

*Out of my trip to Thailand came one particular high, the beaches of Thailand.  I love a good beach and this was a GOOD ONE!

* My new small group!  I love these new women that the Lord has put into my life!  It has been so sweet to really get to know these girls and count them sweet friends!

* My oldest and best friend came to Texas in April.  It was so good to have her come and see that part of my life.  We did lots of fun Texas stuff and it was just fun to have her in my neck of the woods!

* Many of my friends got married this year and it was fun to celebrate with them.  I love how weddings bring friends together!

* I got to spend 3 months working in the Senator's office.  The high that came out of this time is meeting my supervisor, she is an amazing women and it was a privilege to work alongside her for that time!

* My roommates and all the sweet times I have had with them this past year.  These girls are there for me to laugh with, to cry with and just be still with.  I love that these girls know me and love me so well.  

So all in all 2008 was a good year and I'm excited to have an even better 2009!

The future?!?!?

So I have been such a roller coaster of emotions lately. Life is crazy right now and honestly really really hard all of a sudden. In the matter of days I have seen my future not looking so clear and it is really scaring me! I have been so excited about the end of school coming up and now that it is here I am freaking out. I have come to the realization that I am not doing well in school this semester and now it is coming to kick me in the butt. I may be getting two C's this semester (Mind you, I am the girl who had never received a B until I began at UTA) which in return would more pretty much remove my chances of getting into grad school. . It would take away my automatic acceptance and they don't often let people in who are not automatically accepted.

To make things worse I took a final for one of the classes in question today. It was a stats test which for the most part I really get. They just trip me up on the wording of True and False questions. Well I felt really good about the test until I get to the end and the last 6 questions all have to do with the same problem and the formula I need to do the problem is not on the formula sheet! I e-mailed my professor to bring this to her attention so that hopefully those problems will be thrown out, otherwise I missed 15 points right there and have no hopes for getting an 84 like I needed. I have two more finals on Wednesday and then I will know by the18th at the latest how I did.

This morning before the test I just spent some time reading Scripture and journaling. I was thinking about the fact that in the past 19 months there has not been a day that's gone by that I have not felt that this is exactly where I am suppose to be, that I am doing exactly what I'm suppose to be doing. If I believe that, I must believe that this will work out for the glory of the King, that this is part of HIS plan. I'm just really struggling right now!

#27

Well this is Thanksgiving #27 for Me. I don't remember the early ones but over the past few years I really do try to sit back and think about what I am thankful for. Since this is my 27th year to give thanks I thought I would list my top 27 things I'm thankful for (they are in no particular order) So here is my list this year...

1. That I am healthy (no major doctor visit in 2008!)
2. My girls here in Texas (Arianne, Holly, Maranda, Sarah and Theresa) I don't know how I would be able to get through the day to day without them
3. My "sisters" (Em and Les) who truly have become the sisters I never had
4. The amazing women who became a part of my life in Mankato and continue to love me well (Namely Julie, Melissa, Natalie, and Rachel)
5. The amazing mentors I have had over the years (Jan and Sue)
6. My new small group friends!
7. My new friends from Church
8. The chance I had to go to Thailand twice this year!
9. A car that runs
10. The chance to go back to school
11. My relationship with my brother Marc
12. Down Comforters!
13. Heartlight and all the friends I came out of from there (Carrie, Dustin, Kacie, Matt, Sam, and my amazing roomies!)
14. Heartlight and the girls who I was allowed to walk through life with (Amanda, Christa, Denele, Janelle and Melissa!) O how I love and miss this girls!
15. Having a place to go "home" to for Christmas
16. My short time at Senator Kim Brimer's office
17. Mirage paper co. Jumbo Journals
18. Gas prices being $1.62
19. CUTE SHOES in size 5
20. 6 weeks of Christmas Break!
21. The guys in my life who have shown me what it looks like to be a man who follows after God's own heart (Bob, Joel, Joshua, Marti, Nick), these guys who have helped set the standard for me
22. Thai food!
23. Sonic Diet Coke with white coconut
24. My nanny
25. Music and my ipod!
26. Bath and Body Works lemon lip gloss
27. I left the thing I am most thankful for last.... My relationship with the Lord. He has saved me and continues to show me mercy and grace. I am so very thankful for that, without that relationship I would not have this list!

Thanksgiving...

So last night my small group and I had "Practice Thanksgiving", We were able to try out the new recipes that you don't want to mess up on the big day. It was a fun night (once I got there, I was pretty lost and in a bad mood by the time I got there but still had fun...) Here are some pictures from that night.

It is crazy to me that Thanksgiving is this week already! I'm going to go volunteer the morning of Thanksgiving and I'm super excited about that. And that is just the beginning of the fun festivities for the weekend. Be sure to be looking on here come the end of the week for an update of all the fun Thanksgiving festivities! I hope that you are all able to relax and truly be thankful this week!

A few random thoughts...

So I have had lots on my mind as of lately and I'm home sick in bed today so I thought I would write them down...

First, what are the rules for liking someone that a friend of your likes? Say that person in question has never shown interest in said friend? I've seen this happen a few times in my life with people around me, but I just don't know what the rules are. Is he off limits? Or am I free to date said person if asked out? This is all hypothetical (but if you ask I'll tell you the details), and I just wanted to know what other peoples' thoughts are. So far I've gotten a wide range of opinions on this one!

I've decided to go home for Christmas (Em if you are reading this before I talk to you, I am coming!). I have gone back and forth on this, I didn't think I would have the money to go home, and then I decided to use my miles and the dates were blacked out. I tried to convince myself that I would be ok being here for Christmas but I just couldn't convince myself. I did not want to spend Christmas alone, so I decided I would do whatever it took to make it home. I ended up being able to use my miles and I'm looking forward to spending Christmas with people I love!

Thanksgiving is only 9 days away! This year I am going to be going with a friend of mine to deliver Thanksgiving dinners to needy families around the city. An organization here in town is making over 2000 dinners and then delivering them to people around the city. I'm excited to serve in this way on Thanksgiving! With not having any family here and no commitments I think this is a great way to serve others on this day!

After Thanksgiving I only have 1 week of school left! And then let the reading a relaxing begin. If you have any good books that you think I should read during this time let me know! So those are some of the crazy thoughts floating around in my head....

Change...

Well it's been awhile again (I promise I will get better at this thing), I would say that I haven't had much to write about but that would be a lie, I would say I haven't had time but that too would be a lie. The truth is that I just haven't wanted to sit down and get my thoughts together enough to write. I sometimes feel as though my thoughts are so jumbled that it would take too much energy to get them out coherently. But this is my attempt.

I feel like I am learning a lot! I feel as though I have been learning a lot over the past few years and especially in the past 6 months! I am learning more about who I am, what I desire, what I want my life to look like. I am learning how to be a better me (hopefully). I'm excited about all that I am learning and am excited to put in all into practice! I feel as though I am growing into the person I want to be.

I've made some new friends over the past couple of months that I am so thankful for. As I stated before I joined a small group back in August and since then I have really connected with a couple of those girls, we've gone from being in small group together to being good friends! I feel as though we have been learning together and able to encourage one another along in this journey of learning. We just finished a study tonight about what our image reflects. Tonight was very interesting, we talked about how as women we are called to be life-givers, not only physically but also emotionally and spiritually. We are called to give-life (encourage those around us) and how our words can either be life-givers or life-takers. I was taken aback by this truth. I know how people (my mom in particular) have taken life (joy, encouragement, etc) from me by the words that they have spoken. On the other hand I have had a number of women in my life who have given me life through their words. I pray that I would be conscious of how my words effect those around me and that I would be a life-giver. All that said I am so thankful for these new friends in my life. They have helped push me to a new level of learning.

There has been a lot of change in my life as of lately also. Both in circumstances and my thinking. The circumstantial change has come from a change in my internship. Last Tuesday caused a lot of change in my life. The Senator that I was interning for did not get re-elected, and therefore I have had to change locations. On Monday I began my first day at Texas Re-entry Services, an agency that works with prison inmates who have been recently released from prison. We help them have a successful transition back into society. I'm excited to learn these skills and beleive that this will help me help Marc.

Something else I've been thinking about since last Tuesday is my past. There has been a lot of hurt and a lot of mistakes but I know that this is all part of the process to get me to where I am today. I have spent so much of my life shaming myself and feeling guilty, but I have realized that this does no good. There are only a few people in my life who know all the dirty details of my life becasue I have been ashamed or afraid to share these things. I've realized I have been forgiven and therefore do not need to live in the shame but instead need live in the glory of God. I did some dumb things last week but I can see that I have been growing and learning in how I responded to those things. Instead of feeling shamed by them I was able to seek God, I was able to talk through those things with the people around me and know that these things do not define me.

On the school front I am officially ready to be DONE! I know it's just the time of the year but I am ready to be done! I officially have my grad application in (I'm not too worried because I should have automatic acceptance) and I can not stop thinking about how I want May 2010 to be here so badly! There is only 3 weeks left of the semester and then I have almost 6 weeks off! I've started a list of books to ready during this time! I am SO SO SO excited for this time off!

Well that's all for now. I have more but that will leave me some to write for next time.

The Secret Life...

On Friday night I saw the movie The Secret Life of Bees it was such a good movie! I left the theater with tear streak cheeks and many thoughts swirling around in my head. I highly recommend you go see this movie although I am sure it will not effect you as it did me. See the lead character Lilly (Dokata Fanning) and I have a lot in common. At one point Lilly is crying and says something along the lines of Why do neither my parents love me? Why didn't either of my parents want me? These questions resonated in my heart, because I have asked them a number of times myself.

I feel as though I am in one of the best spots I have ever been and therefore this did not rock my world as it may have a few years back. I am at a point that I can look at my life and my experiences and see God's glory in the midst of the pain. I have been able to see how God has pursued my heart over the years. And how out of that I have learned how to love. I have realized that there are some things in my life that I keep secret. Things from my past that I have thought haven't effected my life, but I was obviously wrong. Issues from these things continue to arise and I've realized that I need to finally reveal the secrets and begin the healing process once and for all. I'm so excited about where the Lord has me right now and as hard as I know these next weeks, months and possibly years are going to be, I'm excited to see the victory on the other side of this!

Some things change...

Tonight I paid $2.95 for a gallon of gas! I once thought that I would never see it below $3.00 again. I am sure that the prices will not stay this low but I was very excited to see $2.95 on the gas sign! Gas prices seem to be a picture of my life, always changing and unpredictable!

I made pumpkin muffins yesterday which meant pulling out the old journals to find the one with the recipe in it. As I was going through my journals I found some very interesting things. I found a letter I had written to my mom about a month before the last time I went home. It was interesting to see the things I had asked of her and my desires for my trip home and then to read later about how that trip actually went. It was fun to read about how God had answered (or not answered) my prayers. It was fun to read about the different relationships that have been a part of my life over the years. It was interesting to see that some of the things I struggle with today are the same things I struggled with three, four, five years ago (will I ever defeat these things?!?!).

Journaling is such a release for me, and I love to be able to go back and see where I have come over the years! One thing I am very thankful at this point in life is that my life is not constantly changing. I've lived in the same house for more than a year now (which is the first time in 11 years!) I have no plans to move anywhere for at least another year and half. I know that I will be in school for the next 19 months. Once this season of school is over I know that there will be life change once again with hopefully the beginning of a new job. And let's be honest I would REALLY be ok with a life change that involved a diamond ring and an amazing man! But I will say, I am content with the fact that my life is a little stable right now!

Relationships...

Today I went to a fancy luncheon for Safe Haven of Fort Worth. Safe Haven is a women's shelter for women who have left an abusive relationship. They offer not only shelter but also services to get these women back on their feet. It was a great luncheon! Patricia Heaton (who you may know better as Debra on Everyone Love's Raymond) was the guest speaker and she was great. At times she had me wiping away the tears and at other times I was bent over in laughter. Patricia spoke about how important relationships are in ones life. She shared some stories of significant relationships in her life. It was truly inspirational!

Relationships are a topic that has been on my heart lately. I just finished reading The Shack by William P. Young. This was an amazing fiction book that spoke of relationships. In the forward there was a line that I loved. "I suppose that since most of our hurts come through relationships so will our healing." I am amazed by the truth of this statement. I have been deeply hurt by many relationships in my life, but most of the healing from those hurts has come through relationships with people who have loved me enough to walk through those hurts with me!

I am so thankful for those people who have helped to heal those hurts in my life and I pray that I will be able to walk through some of those things with people that I love. A girl that has become such a part of my life and heart called me last week to tell me that she believes that God used me (and a little care package I sent her) to show her His love here on earth. I did not know but she has been struggling through some really hard things lately and the fact that I care about her spoke God's love to her. I had tears streaming down my face as she told me this. What a privilege to be able to love someone through hurt and pain. What a privilege to be for someone what so many women have been to me in my life!

I think the thing that I am learning is that in order for me to be in relationship with others and to love others I must first be in relationship with Christ and love Christ. These past two-ish months I have grown deeper with Christ, He has been teaching me so much. I've had to step outside of myself and love those around me. Through my relationship with Christ and only through that relationship will I be able to be in relationship with others and love others well. He is the ultimate example of what love looks like, now may I just model that...

Things unexpected

A friend of mine wrote a blog entitled Unexpected Things and it really got me thinking. She talked about all of the things that have happened over the past year that were unexpected. That along with some conservations I've had lately have made me think about how God has been working in my life over that past few years... So here is a list of unexpected things that have happened in my life over the past few years...

The first thing that comes to mind (and is the major thing that has me where I am at today) is me leaving staff with Campus Crusade for Christ. While I do love this ministry I know that leaving staff was one of the best decisions of my life. Through a lot of wise council I realized that there is a much bigger arena of people that my life can influence than those people on a college campus. The first of many unexpected things. With that decision came the unexpected decision to go back to school. And with that decision came the decision to move to Texas. SO many unexpected things in such a short amount of time. Again I think the combination of these decisions have been VERY significant in my life!

The next unexpected thing was my stay in the hospital a little over a year ago. That really was a crazy time in my life! I had an allergic reaction to a antibiotic and my kidneys shut down. I spent 5 days in the hospital with a tube down my throat not knowing what the next day would look like. Luckily there was a specialist there who knew what was going on and we were able to catch it before it caused permanent damage to my kidneys.

Another unexpected thing that happened was that I truly love school this time around! I love learning more about how to help people and how to be the best social worker I can be. Although not exactly a big thing in my life it was unexpected!

I had the chance to go to Thailand twice this year! Thailand has become a land that I love! I feel in love with the people who will always be a part of my heart. I had so many amazing experiences in this land of smiles! I can not begin to explain how amazing these trips were. I learned so much during my time there. Since being back I have seen what the Lord was teaching me while over there. It's amazing how the Lord can use such hard times to teach one so much.

I am working at a State Senator's office. I never ever would have thought that would be something I would want to do! But here I am a month into my internship and loving it. I know that this is not what I want to do but it has been a good experience and I think will help me be a better professional in the end.

So those are some of the unexpected things that have happened over the past yearish! It is amazing to see how all these little unexpected things work together to bring me to the place that I am at. I feel as though I am at a spot in my life where I am truly happy. Yes I'm excited about more unexpected things to happen (read.. I meet someone I want to spend my life with) but I am so excited about where the Lord has me at right now! I'm learning what it looks like to love well and walk in the reality of unexpected things!

Omnivore meme

This Omnivore 100 meme from Omnivore Herbivore Carnivore, in turn via Andrew at Very Good Taste.How It All Works:

1) Copy the list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3) Cross out (or italicize) any items that you would never consider eating

The 100
1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart (and got very sick afterwards in Brasil!)
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes (Some of my favorite!)
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans (I mean I live in Texas!)
25. Brawn or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float (I introduced this to the Thai's this summer!)
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted Cream Tea
38. Vodka Jelly/Jell-O
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects (They were covered in Chocolate)
43. Phaal
44. Goat's milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth $120 or more
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear (It's sad I haven't had this since it is the Texas state fruit!)
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald's Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian (I DO NOT recommend this... unless of course you like the way bug spray tastes!)66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain (Yum, Yum, Yum!)
70. Chitterlings or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost or brunost
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang Souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom Yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. 3 Michelin Star Tasting Menu
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake
How many have you eaten?!?!

I thought I would add a few of my other random eats on here also
1. Gelatinous pig's blood
2. Fish Brains
3. Thai ice cream sandwich (Sweet rice & ice cream on a dinner roll)
4. Tom Kong Hur Pa (aka Fish head soup!)

September...

So I seriously keep thinking to myself that I need to blog and update this thing and I suppose today is the day! It's only been almost a month, it looks as though this will be a monthly update...

Well my trip to Minnesota for Labor day was amazing. I was able to spend some time with my best friend Emily which was so good! At one point someone asked us how we knew each other and we were able to share that fun story. See Emily and I have been friends since Kindergarten! We were friends all throughout elementary school. In 5th grade I think I spent more time at her lake house than I did at my own house. At the end of that year some things happened in my life that moved me to Florida. During my 10 years in Florida Emily and I kept in touch by means of written letters and random phone calls (this was pre e-mail and free cell phone long distance!). During that time I went up to Minnesota a few times and Em came to Florida a few times. Then when I transferred to Minnesota State University I moved in with her. Since then her family has become my family and I am truly grateful for each one of them! Over the past 17 years since I first moved to Florida Emily and I have gone through a lot! It has been amazing to see how God continues to use us in each others lives. I feel as though I am closer to her now than I have ever been! So all that said it was SO good to go and spend some time with her and her husband! Some of the highlights from the weekend were the State Fair, the Perry wedding and Julie's Baby shower!

Since being back I have really jumped into the new school year full force! I'm in my 3rd week of my internship which I am enjoying. I have been assigned a few cases and have attended a couple of meetings with coalitions in Tarrant County. One of my job responsibilities is to meet with directors of non-profits here in Tarrant County. It has been very interesting to hear about all the different organizations that are here. The office is also giving me lots of opportunities. Next week they are paying for me to go to a eating disorder symposium and will pay my way if there are other things I want to go to in the future. Also I get the opportunity to go to a benefit dinner next week. I have really been enjoying it!

Other than that not to much is new. I've become that girl who goes to bed early to get up early! I have been working out each morning before class which has been so good! I usually get up at 4:30 and read/journal for an hourish and then go to school where I run (yes I've been running also...who am I?!?!) to the gym where I work out for about an hour and half then run back to school and clean up and go to class at 8. Even though I am getting up so early working out has given me so much more energy! (And I usually get a Diet Coke from Sonic before I go to the office). So anyhow that is my life right now. I will try to update more often so that these are not so long! And it won't be a monthly update...

The life of Jen...

It's been awhile since I've written and lots has been going on in my mind and heart in the past weekish, so I thought I would try to sum it up here...

First, I began going to a new small group about 3 weeks ago, and I am loving it. It is a group of about 6-10 single women around my age. I instantly connected with these women and it has been sweet to meet with them each week. Two weeks ago we began an inductive study of the book Philippians. I have been enjoying digging into the book of the Bible and discussing it with these new friends. Last week was especially good! I love the book of Philippians and it was so good to look into it deeper. We read verses 1-11 and I was very convicted, encouraged and enlightened. I left wondering what my life would look like if I lived a life according to these verses? What would my life look like if I lived as though I KNEW that God has begun a good work in my life and will carry it on until completion? What would it look like if I loved people as Paul loved the people of Philippi? What would it looked like if I always prayed with joy for those I "partner" with (my co-workers, classmates, roommates, friends)? What does it look like to love with all knowledge and discernment? What is the "fruit of righteousness"?!?! Well I'm excited about these new friends and digging into the Word with them! The only down fall last week was that I got pooped on by a bird!

I've been trying to enjoy my last week of summer. I've spent a few days shopping for "professional" clothing (due to the fact that I have to dress up for my internship). Last night my roommates and I went to see Dave Barnes in concert. It was a GREAT concert, he played all of my favorite songs and he is SO funny! These pictures are from the concert. Today I spent the day today getting my hair highlighted and shopping (and I found the greatest sale which made my day!). As much fun as I've had this summer, I am ready to begin school (I never thought I would say those words). I'm even more excited to begin my internship! I talked to my director the other day and she informed me that two of the interns had to drop and therefore it will only be two of us! She said I should be ready for a BUSY semester. I think it will be fun but I know that it is going to be a lot, I'm ready to jump right in!

On more exciting news... I'm going home next week! A week or so ago I was talking to a few of my dear friends and it made me really miss them. That night I realized that I had earned a free ticket from my flights to Thailand, and thought I should use that to go home. So I get to go home for a friend's wedding and another friend's baby shower. I'm going to spend a few days with my oldest and dearest friend Emily, and go to the State Fair with her and her husband! I am very excited to be back in Minnesota for a few days!

Well that's all the updates for now...

My soapbox...

Well I have been back in the States for a little over a week now! It seems as thoughI have been back much longer than that. Arianne and I said our good-byes to the orphange and then headed to Bangkok for one last adventure. We went to the floating market and then saw Batman at the imax (I know, it was a real cultral adventure!) We stayed awake all night in hopes that we would be able to get back on an American sleeping schedule (it didn't work much for me, last night was my first normal night of sleep!)

Now having been back for some time I have been able to sit back and process some of the trip. The last week really stirred a lot of things within my heart. The team that joined us from England really made me question a lot of things. This team was filled with great people, I just really did not like how they went about many things. They were a team who strongly called themselves Christians and yet they hurt so many people in their actions. I saw within that week why some people stear away from Christianity. My heart broke in many ways in that last week. I saw people who I care about and who do not know Christ be ridiculed, I saw many things that I do not agree with and things that I don't think line up with the Bible. I had many times when I saw or heard things that made me not want to be labeled in the same group of these people. I left not wanting to be a "christian" anymore, but loving and cherishing God and Christ more than I ever had before.

The question that has come up for me in the past week is, what does it look like to follow Christ? How do I love people well? How do I love my enemies? How do I enter into the lives of those around me and allow them to see Christ without belittling them? Over the past few years many things about the "christian" community has bothered me. How can someone who is called to love people hate and belittle those who make differnet choices then they do. I have seen and heard so many people who are living a homosexual lifestyle be hurt by "christians". Are these not people we are called to love? If you use the arguement that they are "living in sin", which one of us is not?!?! Why is their sin greater than any other sin?!?! And anyhow shouldn't that make you love them even more?!?! It seems as though at times "christians" can be the most judging of all people. Doesn't the Bible tell us not to judge others?I know I have been guilty of this in the past and I do pray that I would love everyone and I would not let things such as their religious beliefs, or their sexual orientation, or their political party, or any of these distingushing characterisitics get in the way of me seeing them as people I am called to love!

I often think about how I can turn a conservation into a spiritual conservation with someone, something I learned to do in college. But if I look to change every conservation towards God then my conservation will become irrevelant to many people around me. Yes I believe that it is important to talk about spiritual things around those who do not know Christ, but if that becomes a road block for a relationship with a person than it is not worth it. I will love them and hope that this will open the doors for communication. I don't know if any of this makes sense to anyone outside of my head but it's been a bit of a soap box for me lately.

Well I'm done ranting for now, you may agree with me or you may not (I will still love you!). I have two weeks until I start school and am taking those weeks to get some of the things I've wanted to do done. This past week I rearranged my room and chopped all my hair off (pictures will be posted soon!) I love all of you who are reading this!

2 days left...

So I realized today as I laid in bed (which I have done most of the day due to being sick) and realized that we only have two days left here at Care Corner Orphanage! I have not seen the children in what seems like forever due to our visit to the Karen hill tribe and surrounding villages. I missed them so much during those few days and can not imagine how my heart is going to ache when I say good-bye in two days! But let me tell you about my weekend.

The week was filled with many joyful moments, many scary moments, many frustrating moments, and many eye opening moments. The weekend was a struggle for me for a few reasons both emotionally, physically and spirituality. We took two vans and one SUV up to the border of Thailand and Mymnar (currently Burma). We ate lunch at the pastor's house and then went to the local school. While at the pastor's house we were able to talk with him and hear talk about what the village is like. He told us he is paid 1000 Baht (about $32) and a bag of rice a month!Then we were able to hand out the shoes, socks and backpacks we had brought along. It was a sweet time to see such beautiful faces!

From there we went to another Karen village and boy was it an adventure to get there. It is currently the rainy season in Thailand and the road leading to the village in a dirt road, and it up a mountain! Because of my back I was instructed to ride in the SUV while the rest of the team had to ride in the back of two pick-up trucks! On the way up the roads were completely muddy and there were two foot ruts in the road. On one side you a steep slope down the mountain and on the other side a stone wall. There were a few time I feared for my life! When we got the the village I saw a sight I will never forget! It was the most remote village I have ever had the privilege to visit. The mud was everywhere and we just embraced it. We slipped and slided both up and down a large hill that lead from the pastors house to the church. Meanwhile some of the sweet local women would grab our hands and lead us the right way. The night service that first night was long and we were all very tired. We then headed to the places we would sleep. We were broken up into groups of 6 and sent to different houses that were graciously given up for us to sleep in. The next day we got up and had a medical clinic ( the pastor is also the doctor of the village and one of the members of the British team is a doctor). This is when the sickness set in for me. I helping to fill scripts of the doctor and all of a sudden I felt as though I was going to pass out and or throw up. I had woken up with what felt like the start of a sore throat and now these symptoms were too much. I decided to go back to where we slept and lay down. I slept for about two hours and the Et came to check on me and bring me some bananas (oh how I love and will miss this amazing woman!) We then ventured back on the death roads back into "town". There I found some cough drops (which were being sold as candy) and took some Advil. We then stopped at a near by village for another medical clinic and then headed home.

So that is what happened but there is so much more that I do not know how to explain. How do you explain the beautiful faces of men, women and children I encountered this weekend? How do I explain the need for water in this village? How do I explain the heart breaking faces of the clients of the medical clinics? Men and women who do not have access to simply medicine. A woman who cut her foot and now it is infected because she doesn't have anything to clean it out with. Men and women who complained of neck, back or leg pain but could not take to advice of the doctor not to lift anything heaving because they can not afford to not work one day. So many simple things we take for granted. How do I explain the struggles of my heart? How do I explain the questions that have arisen in my mind? Maybe one day I will be able to... until then I will just have to wrestle with these things...

Emotions....

I sit here in the office of Care Corner Orphanage with tears rolling down my face, there are so many emotions going through my mind right now. I'm listening to one of my favorite songs, You Said by Shane & Shane, a song that has always been precious to my heart. O, how I ask for the nations and here I am serving God in a Nation that need Jesus so much. Today we are preparing to leave to go to Mymnar. I can not express how excited I am to go and serve these people who have so little. To go and serve them in whatever ways we can. We are bringing nets, shoes for the 240 children at the school, 3 tons of rice, we are going to build a water tower,we are setting up a medical clinic, doing puppet shows for the children and just going to love and serve anyway we know how!

Last night was so sweet to my heart! I love how these sweet children worship here! I walked into the worship service last night and it just brought joy to my heart. These children were singing, their arms raised in worship, swaying back and forth and jumping around. They give a new meaning to dancing and singing to the Lord. It was so sweet to hear the music of familiar songs and to praise the Lord. Tears came to my eyes and I saw these children worshipping the same God that I worship in such a sweet way!

As excited as I am to be here, to have this opportunity to serve, my heart aches for things back home. I just received some very upsetting news about my brother and I my heart aches for him. I long to be able to tell him that I love him! I have been getting more and more homesick! I miss people, I miss being surrounded by people who speak my language, I miss people who know my heart, I miss being able to pick up the phone and hearing the sweet voices of my Friends, I miss Tuesday nights at OTB with the girls.

My mind has been very distracted by other things lately also, things I thought would not be an issue while over here. But I guess sometimes you cannot run from your thoughts. I have been praying that I would live in the here and the now and focus on what I am here for. The Lord is teaching so much and I don't want to take any of that away from Him because I am consumed with thoughts that I have no control over. So I guess I would love to ask that if you are the praying type that you would keep me in your prayers over this next week. Please pray that I would focus on the Lord, on what He is doing here. Also my back is not doing the greatest, in fact it has been hurting VERY bad lately. Please pray that I would begin to feel better!

I am so very excited to share even more about what God is doing here with you!

The Best Day...

These three words came out of the mouth of our fellow volunteer many times on Friday. Ricky took all five of the volunteers out for the day and Christy continued to say that it was the best day. And I would agree with her!

First we went to Ricky's house to meet up with him and his wife and then we headed out for the day. We first went to a cave which was pretty amazing. We walked up many steps and then down many steps into the cave. I had such mixed emotions as we entered the cave. First I was amazed at how beautiful it was! It was a huge cave that was all naturally made... it was beautiful. But my heart was also filled with sadness, all throughout the cave were large idols. There were buddha statues and little figurines and places to light candles and incense to buddha. Idol worship is very real here, there are idols everywhere and they even have little house that are meant for the demons. It was so sad to me to see all of these idols in a place that God has created so beautifully! I began to think about in the old testament when it talks about going to the caves to worship false idols, this gave me a very real picture of that. I was an amazing experience!

Then we went to the Hot Springs. Here we boiled eggs in the hot springs! And then ate them with soy sauce while our feet soaked in the cooler part of the hot springs. We then went and took a mineral bath which I must say was just AMAZING!!

Afterwards we came back to Chiang Mai and had Japanese food which was extremely good! It was my first sushi experience which turned out to be very good. We then went back to Ricky's house for coffee and to relax a bit, while there we got some amazing news. Ricky decided to rearrange the schedule so that we would be able to go on a trip to Mymnar! They were planning on going the day before we leave but he rearranged and we will now be able to go! I'm so excited!!! And then that we went to the Night Bazaar where we shopped, and bargained with the locals (I do love this about foreign countries!) and then we had just enough time to get a 30 min foot massage and can I say it was 30 minutes of heaven!

So that was our best day! The next day was long (I didn't sleep at all due to a Thai tea at supper and then coffee!) and it was sad to see Holly leave. She left to go go home Saturday night. Sunday after the service we went and got Thai massages! And let me tell you they were AMAZING!!! It was 100Baht for 1 hour which is about $3! Arianne and I took one of the older girls here at the orphanage and got her one also and she loved it!

All in all in was a good weekend! We teach tomorrow and Wednesday and then a team gets here on Wednesday and we will be on a new schedule. I'm sure I'll have lots of fun stories for you!

They are so strong!

So we have offically been at the Orphanage for 1 week now, and it seems as though I have spent my life here! These children have become such a part of my heart. I wake up exicted to see their smiling faces and joy overflows my heart as they grab me by the hand and lead me somewhere to play. Everyday here I realize how hard it is going to be to leave.

On Sunday at the church service they begun by praying for different people. Ladee (our sweet friend who translates for us) was telling us different people to pray for. One of these people was Jai. Jai is a young man who is staff at Care Corner Orphange. Jai grew up at the orphanage since he was a young boy. Now Jai's mom is sick and he has had to go take care of her. I was thinking about that and how hard that must be. To live your whole life feeling rejected by your family and then have to go back help them when they are in need. I think about my own situation and wonder how hard that must be. I don't know if I would be strong enough to do that.

Well anyhow... tomorrow we are going to a Cave and Hot Spring and then to get Thai massages! Ricky is taking us volunteers on a day trip before Holly leaves on Saturday. I'm so excited about that! Here are some of the sweet children I have come to love....

Pim

Net

Apple

The little things...

I always come on trips like this wanting to serve and love the people I am surrounded by. I always ended up receiving more from those people then I feel I have given. We have only been at the Orphanage for 5 days and I already feel as though I have been given so much and have learned so much about what it looks like to serve and love well.

I am amazed each day at how content these children are, they have so little and yet have so much love and joy. They will take you by the hand and walk with you, sit with you and just be. They find great joy in playing hand games, hopscotch (Which it turns out I am NOT good at), coloring or playing simple games. They do not watch Tv or have the little things we take for granted and yet they are so content. Yesterday we took some of them swimming and they just LOVED it. Just the simple thing! It has made me think so much about my lifestyle back home. Why don't I spend more time just being with people I love? Two of my dear friends live .6 miles away and I see them maybe 2 times a week. We feel as though we have to have something to do. I pray that I would simplify my life when I get back to Fort Worth, spending more time with people and just being. I can not speak to these children so the only way I can love them is to be with them, and that means so much to them. I pray I would seek opportunities to go and spend time with those unloved ones in Fort Worth.

It has been fun to see how these 70 children really are a family. The older kids help to care for the younger ones and they all look out for each other. They older ones will help iron clothes for the younger ones. There is one girl Pim, whom we have all fallen in love with, she can not hear very well and therefore cannot hear the dinner bell. Someone will always find her and tell her to line up (if they don't line up in time they miss the meal). They just all help each other out. It is amazing to see the unity of all of them!

I am falling more and more in love with these people. I am learning more about them each day. I leave in just under 3 weeks and I already know it will be so HARD to say good-bye. It will be another lesson I will have to learn. How to continue to love these sweet people while I am in Fort Worth, Texas!

1000 words...

Here is our trip in pictures so far...
Us at the Hostel as we arrive in Bangkok...


As little lounge area at the Hostel... The Sky Train...we became pros!
I sat, and no monks came by so I stayed seated!!

The Train to Ko Phan Nan (aka The Beach!)



The a 4 hour boat ride to the island...

Which was Beautiful!


Finally to our Bungalow!
Like I said BEAUTIFUL!

We found a Big swing!

This was the BEST meal! Good drinks, good food, good ice cream!
The pool we snuck into....

The strom was a brewing....
And then the rain came....
But we still got some good beach time!

These drinks were STOUT!!!!
Waiting for the train, we were SO tired!

KohSan Road!

Thai Ronald!

Today had been an intresting eating day! We had hamburgers for Breakfast! And then

Ice cream sandwiches (Literally!) They were buns with ice cream and sweet rice! SO

GOOD!That's all for now! I'm loving it more everyday!